Sisyphus

I agree with Ailec. Try drinking A LITTLE. Don't try to keep up with your idiot friends. And enjoy the drink itself. Be classy. Dont just binge on whatever cheap swill everyone else is downing. The attitude with which you take alcohol is a major factor. A related piece of advice: About your signature, dont ever say something like that to anyone. Get over the past. Become greater than that, and drop that crap. You know what I mean.

To be put on a pedestal. What does that mean? I've heard it used in many different ways. So what do you mean by that? No I'm not just being pedantic, I dont really know what it means! Give me a break, english isn't my first language.

You say online dating is a waste of time and then you suggest hanging out in bookstore chains?

A good way to make yourself feel like you're good enough is to MAKE yourself good enough. Improve yourself. Cultivate your skills and talents, discover new ones, get fit, educate yourself. Push your limits. This advice isn't a quick-fix feel-good solution. I am not going to feed you platitudes to make you temporarily believe you are good enough. I'm suggesting that you've made an important discovery. You are dissatisfied with yourself. Excellent. As Thomas Edison said: "Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure" Need some ideas? Here're specifics! Learn to cook, play an instrument, a foreign language, take up rock climbing, read on a subject that could make for interesting conversation (philosophy, world religions, history). Start your own small business! Actually, about conversation: The next time a topic comes up in a conversation that you dont know anything about, make a point of looking it up. Someone mentions they are down with nihilism and all you can say "huh, well that's neat"? When you get a chance, you will read up some Nietzsche. The more you know, the more fuel you can bring to conversations. Form educated opinions on polemic topics. Such as: the European Union, abortion, immigration, the war in Iraq, vegetarianism, who invented the telephone, net neutrality, manifest destiny, the conquest of the Americas, onions in a potato omlet! There are lots of such topics. You dont need to know about them all, of course. These are all just suggestions. I dont know who you want to become or how you want to improve. Figure that out, make a plan. At every turn, every day, try to make decisions that are in-line with this goal of becoming the person you want to be. Dont live on accident. A final note: What is most important about the project of conscious self-making is that you are doing it for yourself. That other people will appreciate it is completely out of your control. So don't worry about it.

Well of course it was. Nice dodge. But seriously, give it another shot. Dont you have enough real problems to worry about?

So you are 24 and haven't had a serious relationship in 5 years. You were 18. ...Try again.

Concise doesn't mean uninteresting. My rule in writing is that it is better to accomplish the same in less words. In the case of dating profiles, you are just one more self-indulgent essay with a faceshot. It is the photos that grab their attention to begin with; don't lose it with a redundant or wordy wank session. And another thing, isn't one of the exciting parts of dating someone new getting to know them?

I disagree! Conciseness is the soul of wit. Oh, and Diggity, that is a very good profile! Intriguing, interesting, provocative!

This sounds little like cultural differences. What's your background? What's hers? I've had several cross-culture and international relationships. I may be minimising the role of the individual, but in some cultures women (and men) are socialised to believe sex is a dirty or sinful thing. In others, such hang ups are rare. Of course, this might just be a case of mismatched sex drives and she may be using the "feeling dirty" etc as excuses.

His job is to please you...so you help this happen by withholding sex? This sounds adversarial. Unhealthy. ](*,)

It sounds like maybe you need some mental input. Milling what you already have in there about isn't getting you anywhere. Try reading some personal development books. Eckard Tolle's The Power of Now is insightful. If you like philosophy, I suggest Sartre. Empowering, if you can take it that way. Maybe all you need is another perspective from which to see your problems.

I want to be with someone that I like completely as a person - on the inside and on the outside. If I am with someone that falls short in either way, I am settling. Or deluding myself. (hm, or alowing myself to be deluded!). I can only speak for myself but I think this goes for most men, and for women, for that matter. So that's why men look for physically attractive women. They might also be pretty on the inside. That's right, we want both!

Yes, I have permanently "friendzoned" female friends. But not because they didn't come on to me soon enough, and not because I value their friendship too much (never understood this). If "friendzoned" means that I dont want to sleep with them or have an exclusive romantic relationship, it is just that. It has nothing to do with them being my friend. They aren't mutually exclusive, people.

You are asking about men in general or about the guys who happen reply to this post? Oh! I know. I could try to give you two answers, one for myself and one "other men", which probably just means my friends. Qualities! It's hard to list them. Because there is no list I go through and check off when I met someone. I know what I like when I see it. But here're some things that come to mind: I look for authenticity, for a woman who understands herself, and makes honest attempts to understand others. These traits are really obvious in conversation. If she speaks in reactions instead of thoughts, it's a dealbreaker. Most of my friends are the same way. Sometimes we are more willing to make efforts to connect with women who dont know the meaning of the word introspection. At worst, it's because we're treating her as a means to an end. At best, because we give her the benefit of the doubt. Of course it depends on the occation. I am interested in getting to know my date, so I prefer a everyday relaxing situation. She should wear whatever is normal for her. Many of my friends like to make extravagant first impressions, which of course means they want to be impressed by their date, as well. Setting themselves up for disillusion, I say. ](*,) Confident. I dont need to feel like I have an advantage. Ego games. Why! Subtle makeup. Or none. But this isn't very important. For both myself and almost every guy I know. What! Why would anyone mind? Drink as much or as little as you like! It is okay sometimes. I just hate it when it is expected, or when it seems to be part of needyness. So! Did this help?

Hear, hear. Not everyone lives in the suburbs of Drive-Thru USA. For people who do, I can understand how not adapting to Car Culture can be seen as a lack of independence and thereforeeee a Red Flag. Oh well!