flower99

Yep I'm totally worried about people stealing work...So I dont' post anything on the internet.

"but i feel like he should pretty much be kissing my butt if he wants me to know that he truly wants me, and he has pretty much been doing the same old same old....if not less than how he use to treat me. he doesn't see it, but i do.....help i have no clue how to get over this, and how to get through to him how badly this all hurt."

This worries me. Darling, he apologized only when he got caught, basically because he got caught.

He is showing no remorse or desire to change. I'm sorry for what you must be feeling, I really don't think you should get over this. He doesn't understand you or your feelings (he should after a 1.5) and is showing you NO respect or faithfulness. This is a sign of what to expect for future behavior. You are a smart, understanding caring girl....You deserve better.

I totally agree with the below statement by rms8.

I think you're totally right in expecting your boyfriend to be going above and beyond to make this up to you. Him avoiding the whole thing shows he doesn't respect you enough to care about your feelings. He knows he hurt you. He should be showing how sorry he is. I say demand more and if no response, move on!

Hi guys, I don't know if any of you will see this. But I just wanted to say. This last week has improved SOOO much. I hope it lasts.

I've been gone a lot more, i had to witness in a court case which meant 2 days at the court hours. So that has given the guys time lots of time to hang out. And my son has been clinging to him & he SEES it.

I can see in his face how happy he is, and it makes me soo happy that he finally is seeing it.

This morning, after we dropped my boy off at the sitter, he turned to me & said, did you get 2 hugs??? I said nope, just the one. His face lit up, with the biggest smile and he said.."I did" It was so cute. He's feeling specail like he should.

Sorry, i don't really understand this sh!t, i suppose its just social dawinism and competition amongst the species for the most desirable mate and tahts why most relationships fail. People always want too much and there's usually somebody better around teh corner.

 

thereforeeee they should probably have their sexual fun until the boredom sets in and go their separate ways. She is certainly after something long-term, far into the horizon and they aren't suitable atm unless he becomes very rich from his musical pursuits. Then the the large house, security and children in the future become a reality.

 

hah flower99, your like this quote;

 

"FOR WOMEN, THE MAN IS THE MEANS, THE END IS ALWAYS THE CHILD" - NIETZSCHE

I think you misunderstood me. It has nothing to do with competition amongst the species or finding someone 'better' (because better, is a matter of opinion, what some love, others hate)

I simply meant - accept people the way they are. If she began dating him as a musician, than accept that, don't ask him to be something else. and tell him to grow up. that's wrong.

If she wants something else in her man that find a man that is that...dont' change someone.

And as far as me being like this quote. "FOR WOMEN, THE MAN IS THE MEANS, THE END IS ALWAYS THE CHILD" - NIETZSCHE

I'm not.

I've been on my own since I was 17. I've been a single mom for 4 years supporting me & my child. I work 2 jobs. And for the last 9 months (and 6 more) I've been supporting my bf while he's in school. So No, the man is not the means to me.

I'm not sure why you said that. or if I understood it correctly.?? Oh well.

Oh and by the way...If you don't understand something, don't call it sh!t.

Sounds like the ol' stereotypical "woman trying to change her man" thing. lol

 

He really should just drop her, because she obviously doesn't respect him enough to let him follow his dream! Especially since he's good, as you say? Come on. She sounds like she'd be a control-freak in the long run!

 

 

Honestly, It's okay for her to want those things. if she does want a stable future, and desires something more from her man that makes him a 'grown up'. Than thats totally understandable and I can respect that. I'd want that too....(which is why I wouldn't date a musician)

 

But to date a musician & want him to be something else..?????

She knew what he did when she got into the relationship. She should find someone else who is what she wants...rather than attempting to change him into what she wants.

 

I totally agree with the above statement.

For my last relationship with my babies dad..It was the 'we'll be together forever'. Never spoke of breaking up till the end, when things got REALLY bad. When it didnt' work. I had HUGE problems dealing with it.

Now every relationship..I'm a realist. I'm honest with myself & them. Until I'm married, there is always the chance it won't be forever, so I don't talk like it is. I may make plan for the future, but i will also make comments stating otherwise. as you both do.

I'm engaged now, I still do make comments occasionaly, less now though. But until I'm married I know there is a chance. So i don't convince myself or others of anything otherwise. Maybe it's messed up??I hope not though But To me it just seems healthy & wise.

have you two done counselling together?? I think she could use some and you could both benefit from it. She sounds unhappy, It seems like she is expecting you to make her happy, and now she's realizing you can't. And she's blaming you for it, rather than realizing happiness comes from within (it's not carried by a person).. physical apperance shouldn't matter that much. I think it was something she could put the blame on, since you fixed the last thing she requested. It's easier for her to blame you rather than looking inwards to see how she lost herself & to help find her self again.

Anything can be done, but you can't fix it alone. She needs to be willing. And that's were I think marriage counsolling would be a good plan.

I'm sorry for the hurt & pain you must be feeling ((hugs))

I wish you happiness

Personally, for him to stay with this girl...would be a stupid move. This is Warning sign. She doesn't respect, understand or support his passion & dream.

HUGE warning sing to me. If she can so easily say this after 3 month, so early in the relationship, she will say far more later in it. crushing his dream & cutting him down...wow! if she doesn't like him the way he is, why is she with him?

He's got to find a women that will encourge & support his dream & passion...or at the least, understand it.

well the intervention does sound good. But you would have to get dad & brother to agree. I'd ask them, maybe confronting her all together might be easier for them.

if they don't agree...I 'd try taping her so she can see & hear herself, as others do.

Otherwise, buy ear plugs

that's hard, it's a negative pill constantly screaming at you. I wish you luck & happiness.

I wouldn't worry too much, unless there are other weird signs. If he starts wearing her dresses and mimicking her voice however....(like the Bates Hotel kinda thing) (joke there...) I wonder if his mom is aware that he is using HER toothbrush...not very sanitary.

I agree.

I wouldn't worry too much, unless thier are other weird signs.

If it really bothers you & you find it disgusting. Maybe you could buy him HIS OWN tooth brush, just like hers.

once in a while. we re-affirm that we love and want to be together. I talked about the current situation (LDR) and talked about wither one of us has to move otherwise we might as well end it. It is a hard reality that both dont want to do BUT if both think it is just giving up too much then maybe it is better to end then keep going this way.

I just find it sad that my dreams of love conquering all is fading away. It makes me question myself if i love her enough.

 

That is a good question. "if you love her enough"

that is something to think about and find the answer within you. Because One of you will have to make a step to continue the relationship. If your answer to the question is YES you do love her enough, than take the step.

 

Also though, you've been speaking of the possiblity of break up for over a year. And yet you haven't that speaks VOLUMES. The truth is neither of you wants to. So it appears love is conquering all !!! When you're ready & need to know...you'll find the answer within you to the important question - Do you love her enough.

First of all..I am so happy your knife was dull. (that was a God thing) you obviously were not meant to die. Take that seriously There is a reason you are still here. (:

Please don't hurt yourself. I know you're hurting on the inside but please work to fix that, don't direct to the outside.

Second. What happened when she hit her head, was an accident. You KNOW you did NOT mean to hurt her. You were playful together & accidents happen. I've hurt my finacee while playing too...I felt so terrible. I really did. But stuff happeneds. You didn't intend to do it & you didn't know she was hit her head. This was out of your control. you couldn't have seen it comeing. Forgive yourself.

Thridly. Set aside time for her daily. If she is feeling neglected, work to change that, start today. Don't say you can change, Show her you can change. She may not 'feel' in love with you right now. But the thing is you were in love before & could be again..If you both put in the work & effort to fall in love with eachother again. Do little things to show it, cuddles, card, hugs, make her a meal....i know right now she seems to have made her mind, but its still worth a try..take her out for supper & have fun with eachother.

And Continue the couselling if she's willing.

I'm sorry things are hard right now. ((hugs))

Been together for 1.5 years

Yeah, I think until you're engaged or married - actually made the commitment to be together forever.

I think it's healthy & wise to be realistic.

Does it bother you when you have the talks? How often do you guys speak of it?

Honestly, I think it's healthy to face reality...that MAYBE you won't be together forever.

And it's good not to put all your eggs in one basket (ie. depending on the other & moving ONLY for the other)

that being said, there is the 'if you say it enough you start believing it'

So provideing it's not your everyday discussion. I think it's totally healthy & wise to be realistic. And plan for the worst, be ready for it if it comes, cause it's always possible..... but hope for & work towards the best, being if you do stay together forever

I totally think what you guys are doing, is good. It's far better than the other extreem. The we will be together forever talk, than the shock & devestation kicks in when it doesn't happen.

I wish you both happiness***

how long have you been together?

What can you do at this point? I can't think of a single plausable lie that you could come up that would explain this behavior.

He's your ex anyway, you don't owe him any explanations. Obviously something prompted this, so you'd best be trying to figure this out.

I fully agree.

There is nothing you can do at this point. And he's your ex. You don't owe him an explaination.

but next time, just maybe use better judgement as to who's around when doing something like that hope you had fun though.

well this suggestion probably sound far fetched & it is...but it might work. It's the only thing that comes to mind. (Other than the obvious which you already know,move out.)

Get a tape recorder & tape her for a day.

Play it back to her. Show her how it all comes out & how it sounds to others.

Ahhh.....that explains a lot. I was in a simliar relationship, knowing the rough childhood my bf had & the way his parents treated him. Made it incredibly difficult to be open & love them. I would go there guarded with no desire to get close to them. It's hard. But eventually I realized that, somethings got to change, since I can't change them. I can change myself, the way I look at them & feel towards them. Show them a life of love. If you plan on being with your bf for a long time, you'll be with them for a long time. And regardless of the way they treated him, it's still his family and like you said, he still cares for them. (: he's a good man. Pray for them and yourself for patience & understanding

Maybe your kindness & love will rub off on them.

Yes you could be, go get tested & ease your mind.

I had a friend that had her period for months while she was pregnant.

my grandparents have owned a cell phone for 4 years & don't know how to use it....that's okay they know how to do MANY things we don't.

Pesonally I woudlnt' tell him how annoying his grandfather is. It's just seems a little judgemental to say that to someones family & it will hurt him. Plus it's not like the grandpa will change who he is...I don't think telling your bf will accomplish anything. Yeah grandpa might be annoying, but he deserves respect & understanding. On the up side, hes' trying to be funny rather than a bitter angry hurtful man.

I think your bf uses his past as an explaination, for you to be more understanding. You did say on point # 5 that no one else notices but you. Maybe you need to learn to love him because he's important to your bf. And if he were to die soon, you may regret feeling this way.

I don't mean to be rude, but you don't really have an option. Do you really want to avoid his home & family??? And sucking it up is hard,especially when you already find him annoying... but if you go into it, decieding to love him & accept him the way he is it might be a little easier.

Thank you so much.....your words are soooo true. I pray he will take them to heart.

I'll find a way to show him this....not sure how... direct always works (:

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

You've all have been a blessing

I also wanted to say...don't apologize (: this is what this site is for *** listening & helping

You are too cute

Okay honeslty....great idea! Look at the big picture. Make big dreams & find steps to achieve them. But keep in mind, that success & money. Aren't hand in hand. Decied what you believe to be successful & shot for that. Find what makes you happiest.

But for me, Success, was becomeing happy with myself & happy without him!

(my ex HATED that) later I became more stable.I got a decent home, stable life, good job & eventually a wonderful man.

My ex...HATED all of it. because none of those things he had. He's not happy, nor stable in a job or a home. Happiness he lacks most & wants most.He wants a good relationship, but isn't a happy person so he hasn't found one. He believes happiness comes with money and looking to get rich quick.

Happiness is within each of us, we must search ourselves to find it.

Blenders got some great words...I fully agree!

Also I wanted to add..hurting people hurt others....you're hurting & you want him to hurt too, that's understandble...not healthy, but totally normal..but now you have the choice - either waste away in bittness anger & sadness, or release it in a healthy way, talk it out, write it out...Than learn from it & use this to make you stronger & to drive you.

Keep in mind The best revenge is Success!

In short you have to stop letting him do this to you. It's either all or nothing, and it doesn't look like he's prepared to give you all. So he can't keep picking you up and dropping you like he's doing. But he will continue to do it if you continue to let him do it, because he's getting the best of both worlds. Lay it out to him in black & white. Tell him he is either with you or he is not. And if he is not then he needs to stop playing with your mind and your emotions.

 

Seriously Psu, you are wasting too much time on this guy and getting nothing in return. Go out and get yourself a guy who will appreciate you, value you and treat you like his everything, not his part time thing.

 

Take care...

I fully agree with every word of this.

Well said!