ndove

Thank you! I totally agree with not playing second best.. that much I know. And I know I need to ask him these questions, its just.. Im terrified!!! I dont want to be looking too much into all of this, and end up making a fool of myself, nor do I want to ruin the friendship we have rebuilt in the past few months. Oy Vey.. Im a mess, huh? ~LOL~ I know what I should to do.... I just need to build up the courage to do it. Thanks again!!

My ex and I have been talking again for about two months now. The idea is that we are "friends", and as much as I kept telling myself that... I still in the back of my mind wanted it to move back into something more. Basically he broke it off with me when he decided he "still had feelings" for his ex.... We had a long distance relationship (he is in the army), that I THOUGHT was going really well. The breakup was pretty bad, lots of nasty things said, ect. ect... We didnt talk for two months, and one day.. out of the blue, he decided to talk to me, and weve been talking almost daily since, even though he is "not allowed" to talk to me as per his new g/f. We kept the conversations pretty casual (after him initially apologizing for mean things he said during the breakup), and both avoided the intense topics of our relationship for the most part. But, about a week ago we got into something pretty intense. We talked about what happened, and I told him that I would have moved before but was just waiting for him to decide if he was going to re-enlist to talk about it. And basically he told me he went back with her for conveinence b/c she lived closer to where he is stationed. He was acting very upset and said things like, "this information is four months late", that he was "just trying to let it all sink in" and that he really had thought he wanted to marry me when we were together. But, then he would say things like, "Im happy with who Im with". Ever since that conversation happened, he had been kinda rude to me, and trying to upset me by "cracking jokes" about me, small things.. but things he KNOWS will upset me (he's a big "button pusher", and always told me he loved to "ruffle my feathers")... I just cant help but feel like he's trying to give me complexes. But thats a whole 'nother issue... My question is... what the heck is going on in his head right now? I cant figure out if he still has feelings for me.. or if he just wants to be friends. Its like he's contradicting himself from one minute to the next. And if he really is happy with his new g/f then why is he talking to me like this behind her back? Am I jsut reading too much into things b/c I want him back? Or are my questions legit? ... Uuuuggghhh.. I dunno....

Where to begin...? Four years ago, I became friends with this guy I worked with. He was interested in me. But I had a boyfriend at the time, so I never took him up on an offer for a date. We remained friends as he went off into the military. For three years, he was stationed overseas, but we always kept in touch via email and instant message.. etc., etc. He was there to listen to all of my relationship problems with my boyfriend cheating and breaking my heart, and always told me I deserved better. I also listened as he told me about his bad relationship where his ex left him after 2 years and told him she had no feelings for him. He spoke of how much he liked me, and wished he could have stolen me away from my ex. I finally got myself to get out of that bad 3 year relationship last spring, and was really happy with "me". My friend and I decided to get "together" when he came home to the States in August. From August until about 2 weeks ago, everything was great. He was stationed 3 hours away, and I went to visit every other weekend. We talked every day, and I really started to fall in love with him, and I had a feeling he was doing the same with me. It’s just something I really felt. We had known eachother so long, and had a good friendship to begin with. He talked of children, marriage and the future with me(unlike any guy I have ever dated, most avoid that topic). He also told me he was "afraid to fall for" me, he was trying to "protect" himself from being hurt again (which I understood and tried to convince him I had nothing but good intentions), and about a month ago, he told me he “had fallen for me, and was happy he did. We had a lot of serious talks, which made me believe he really had deep feelings for me. Anyway, 2 weeks ago out of nowhere, he started acting strange, and I asked him what was going on and why he was treating me different. He responded with, "Im trying to push you away", and when I asked why, he told me he ran into an ex, and still has feelings for her. Now, I did get a bit defensive, and "thanked" him for taking the time to realize that (oops), and asked why he could just throw his feelings for me off to the side. He responed, "because I never had feelings for you", and "I was just using you" (conveniently the same words he was told that broke his heart years ago). He also claimed he had "enough friends" and didn’t feel he needed me to be one anymore. He was just being plain mean to me, and admitted I did nothing to deserve it (mind you, this guy was one of the sweetest, most charming guys I ever met, and it was not like him to be so cruel). As I talked to him, I told him I didn’t believe he never cared about me, and if he wanted to go be with someone else, that was fine, but to please not say things to try and hurt me more. As the conversation went on, he started to contradict himself and said, "you would have pushed me away eventually", and "I didn’t want to wait for that to happen" (which is crazy, b/c I never wanted to hurt this guy). The whole thing ended with the words, "Im done with you" and me in complete shock and crying myself to a headache. He really broke my heart. After all the times he was there for me, he turned around and broke me again. Two weeks have passed now, and I haven’t spoken to him(I tried once, to no prevail). But, I just cant get everything he said out of my head. I go back and forth with , "was he just afraid b/c he WAS falling in love with me?" to "maybe he never really DID have feelings for me, and I was just blinded by my own heart and being naive". I never got straight answers, and doubt I ever will from him (he is stubborn as can be). So my question to all of you.... What was he really saying? I don’t speak "man" so well, and I just cant decipher what really happened, and I need answers to get myself to stop analyzing and begin to move on. Thank you all, sorry this was kind of long.