mikeca

like everyone else said, dont go. Its not going to be worth it. It'll set you back and clear his conscience.

remember that she is human, she has flaws. I had the same problem I loved her so much that her little annoyances didnt bother me but over time you can remember certain times or issues that will take her down a peg

what I did that helped was delete and blocked, then after a couple months i removed the block so she could see me but I couldnt see her.

too me, it was like dating all over again, you go out, have some fun test the waters and see where it goes from there. Be reserved, like you never met before, after all its been two years so I imagine your two different people now.

hey man, opposites attract. You tend to balance each other in alot of aspects Ive found

very nicely done

use a condom! -great advice

Laboheme, wanna pass that knowledge onto my ex? haha

Perhaps they were in there for his visit to your house? I hoped he had to do some serious work for you to forgive him cheating on you with a co-worker. And you have every right to be suspicious and concerned, he should be easing your fears, not causing more. I think you need to address this issue or else it will be a constant thorn in your relationship's side.

well after some mini-NC (more of a break) I said I was going to call her today (xmas) after it, but I didnt, instead I decided to put pen to paper (then fingers to keyboard) and drafted up a letter to my ex. I'm stating it here first because I would like some opinions. I'm not settling for anything but a relationship, all or nothing. Its finally the time to lay it out in english and find out once and for all where to go from here. Take a bit of my own advice I gave to another member, and to those who have given theirs to me. Hey XXX, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past weeks we’ve not been talking. It has occurred to me that in a way, in a way I don’t love you anymore, I do, but I’m in love with the girl who was there for me, and who loved me back. It seems no matter how much I give to making this work, your always running away; you’ve never let me in. My efforts have never been good enough for you, and I can’t take that anymore. We both know you need to work out your issues, yet you won’t seek help, you say I mean more to you than I will know, and you want me in your life, yet when it gets tough you toss me aside. You do things to hurt me, still I forgive. Am I painting a clear picture? Put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel? Mike you said that when I got down here you would make an effort to stay in touch with me & we could work things out. How come I have been e-mailing you and e-mailing you and you never respond? If you don't love me anymore you should at least have the balls to tell me. I want you in my life, but if you don't want to do this anymore you should at least tell me. It's only fair Does that look familiar? It’s from an email you wrote when I didn’t respond in a few hours, when I was working, Rpat, school etc. You take days at a time to respond and not since October do they end with “LOVE” When I read your love letter, I thought you were really serious about making this work, I thought you had made that change. I more than anyone know you’ve been through a lot in your life. All of this and I still want to make things work. Deep down if you want this to work I’m going to need things from you. You’re going to have to get some counseling to work on your fear of intimacy and commitment. I’ll be here with you every step of the way. I also need you to be more expressive if you love me; show me, not just in words but in actions. I am willing to talk about everything but I’m also willing to leave it all on the ground, I’ve given a lot of myself over these months to you, I remember you said on occasion that you didn’t deserve me, not until today have I agreed with that statement. If the thought of losing me again doesn’t stir any emotion from you, maybe it wasn’t meant to be and I didn’t know you as well as I thought I did.

"once bitten, twice shy"

Your doing all the work, and hate to say it, but your devaluing yourself everytime you let her "have more time" you need to say whats on your mind. "listen I want a relationship, I care/love you, I need this from you, if you cant then *list reasons* and walk away"

i would pass, I stayed in on weekends for a long time before I was ready to go out... I remember one time I knew it was too early, I was at a club and I kept looking at the door everytime it opened to see her first before she saw me, and she never came so I wasted the entire night.

I've been in that situation..shes on your mind 24,7 work/gym/freetime. thing that helped is too walk away from her, let her know not to contact you, NC (if you will) because although this isnt a relationship your love for her is. You need to cut ties and regain your focus.

hmm unofficially there are girls hotter than the one I was with, but she was the prettiest girl in the world when we were together and I only had eyes for her.

Lay it out on the line to him, either he gets his drinking under control or your gone. this kind of substance abuse will not be tolerated in your house, its okay once in awhile but everytime he drinks? he seems to be in denial of his problem and maybe faced with the thought of losing you he will seek change. once you say this though you have to back it up, be ready to walk away for good.

sounds like NC, from his angle, improving himself and his faults and then talking to the ex when hes confident..hmmm

its funny, I never thought of this until this thread, basically came outta no where and caught me up in a whirlwind

could you handle someone, right in front of you, litterally going at it with your girlfriend?

a painful process to go through, make sure you have an idea of what your up against.

hmm..tough call...I would imagine its not so much the sex of the person its there friends, im single and its just killer seeing so many couples now I never noticed (or cared) before!

hey you sound like a mature soul, seems to be alot of us on here. dont worry to much about the quantity of girls, its quality, one will steal your heart and you'll never knew what hit you, trust me.

tell her, in the grand scheme of things one hit of marijuana shouldnt affect your relationship, its when it becomes..two..then three... I've tried it a couple times back in grade 10, that was it, now im trying to become a police officer, but I know people who have done meth who got in. :S

That sums it up very well right there! amen to that

Background, my first reaching out email a week before the next one Hey XXXXX, as you have noticed I haven’t been emailing a lot lately. I’ve had lots on my mind these past weeks exclusively about you and me. I love you, but I can only love when being loved in return. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. I know you’ve been through such traumatic events, and I'm willing to try and slowly build on something. I’ve done a lot of reading and background on rape and sexual assaults. If you need someone to lean on, then let it be me. I can only tell you what you can do, but it is you that will have to do this. I just want you to know you’re not alone, choose to try and work with me. I know you have fears of being alone and having to confront the issue of the assault. I know you feel almost at fault for allowing it to happen, but it’s not your fault. I know trust is a big thing you need to work on, and I’m willing to work with you, I need you though to choose me, to trust me, and respect where I’m coming from. I can be very patient, I just need some sign that your willing to work on things, and that you love yourself and me to get through and see a counselor. Also if you want more support, I will also see a counselor for my anger issues. I hope you understand where im coming from. I love you alot and want to start healing this rift that is between us. I found these sites about recovery that are anonymous if you should be interested I think that can be helpful. link removed link removed I sent my gf(ex?) this message after feeling unsatasified with her effort. Were in an LDR as of the moment. First off I just wanted to say thank you for the numerous great times we shared. You have been an exciting part of my past and I will remember it always. That is just it though, you are my past. I love you with all of my heart and soul, and by ending our relationship twice now, you have demonstrated that we were never on the same page. Your silence is everything, All I can do is be myself and love the way I love, and I'm done compromising how I feel to make you feel as good about yourself especially when I get nothing but cold emails in return. I learned once before not to sacrifice too much of myself, and I let what happened to you justify the way you would treat me but thats no longer the case How deeply I love you, I now love myself more, I cannot sit back and settle for being friends, I cannot settle for second while you live your life. I hope you achieve everything you want in life; after all you’ve been through you earned it. Love, michael so She replied with this. 1) I have been working 90 hour weeks and have no time for anyone...and NO time for even writing emails. So, I am NOT ignoring you I am just too busy... 2) If this is how you feel then...go with it. Whatever you want, it's your choice. Do what makes you happy. 3) Good luck to you I'm not sure how I should respond, Im leaning toward telling her either she starts making more of an effort or this is it. But I kinda feel thats what I said in the first email..