dilmi_b2003

Hi Guys, Thank you all for the valuable advice appreciate it. This is a real mess ha? I honestly hope that I would have all the courage I need to leave this man and the relationship behind me and move on with my life. I am still struggling but hopefully there will be a better tomorrow.

I also found out recently that he did cheat on me with another woman. He said that he does not have any contacts with her any more as it was a casual thing and it happened few months a go. but about three days a go i saw a call which was made from his phone to that woman's number and when I asked him about it he told me that she needed a help with an issue she was having and thats all. It was only a one minute call. I am simply so fedup with all that and just wondering how come I do not have the strength to leave him knowing that he cheated, lied and used me.

Hi Guys, Thanks for all the advices. And its all true what you have said here, I know I have been used bigtime by both - the husband and the wife. These days also he is in the town where I live as he has left home and practically lives with the money I give. I know its silly of me to do so but I find it very difficult to leave him alone knowing that he does not even have money to buy food. The wife is having a happy life in his house, using his money and his vehicle etc etc. I think I am nuts ha?

Hi all, I did post here on above seeking help but my life is still a mess as the problems did not go away as I hoped. I will give a brief description about my story so that it would be easier for you all to understand/recall. I have been having an affair with a married man for 4 years. (I know its wrong and it was not my intention to do such a thing but somehow I got in to this mess and still paying for it). But about 1.5 years a go I ended it as it was totally messy and I could not take the pain it was causing. During this time his wife called me and asked about all these and I was honest and told her everything but at the end I said that it was over. Anyway she kept saying that he is deeply in love with me and she would give the divorce and her blessing for us. Since I had feelings for him then I was also kind of happy about it. Months went by, there were a lot of talks about the divorce from him and her but did not see any action on it. By this time my family did not know anything about this and somehow she got all the details about my family from me and told them what I was upto putting all the blame on to me. I was very devastated at that time and decided to end all these and move on. After few months due to the many fights which him and his wife had she decided to move out and once she was moved out he started to call me (even when she was with him and regardless the requests I made him not to contact me he kept calling me almost everyday, I even changed my number but he still found the new number) The current situation is that in about 2 weeks time I am going to leave this job for a new one and all my contact details are going to change and have decided not to give him my new contact details so that hopefully he will stop calling me and saying that he cannot live without me etc etc. Also initially he said that he wanted to get the divorce and marry me and now he says he cannot do that because of the kids but still cannot think about a life without me. In another words he wants me to be his mistress forever which I did not agreed at all. It makes me angry when he even suggests that. Day before yesterday he called me and said that his wife is also having an affair now. And she wants him to continue with mine so that it would be convenient for her as well. I feel so disgusted, angry and upset. Cos i really love this man and I always tried to help him, her and the kids when ever they needed my help. I even paid kids school fees few times when they were having financial difficulties. What I don't understand is that after all putting the blame on me saying that I was a bad woman she ended up doing something worse. I never cheated on the person whom I love unlike her. Also I never tried to destroy anyone's life unlike how she tried to destroy mine. Also he just sits and wait without making any attempts to solve the problem or stop contacting me and letting me to move on. In summary I want to end all these and get on with my life cos my life is a lot more worth compared to all these. At the same time I am going through such a terrible time and the pain is beyond explanation. Please help me.

Hi, I was kind of in a similar situation and glad that I came out of it. I genuinely feel what you are going though as it is not new to me. But please remember at the end of the day the pain and confusion that you go through are not worth at all. My advise is for you to get out. Ask him to sort his outstanding matters out first and come back to you, that is if he really needs you. Sort out the divorce matters first. And then take the next step to be together with him. Him being faithful to you after marring is something that you do not know at this stage. And it is a risk you take. But if you love the man and if your heart says that you can be happy with him, I would say its worth taking the risk. But without him getting the divorce you should not even see him or talk to him as it would complicate the matter more. Anyway take care and good luck.

Hi, Guys, I am well in the track of forgetting my past and move on. He still calls me once in blue moon, may be he still thinks that he could control me just like how he did in the past and that I would start helping him out just like how i used to be. But not any more I feel very strong and relived now. Thank you all for you valuable advises. Also now I am back with my exercise routine, going to the gym 6 days per week and looking after my self. Mysecretlove, are you still with that guy. Its not easy to get out from a 15 years of relationship but I think you should because at the end of the day it is not worth. It took me five years to realise this and but no regrets as this was a good lesson and will not repeat same in the future at all

Thank you guys for the support and encouragement thank you Blender for your valuble advices. yes it is difficult but I must do it. Yeasterday he came trough an unknown number so I answered. The reason why he called me was just to wish me a happy b'day as it was my birthday yeasterday. Other than that he hasn't been calling me at all which is good. Also the other thing is that, as long as he doesnt call me I can stay strong and all, but the moment i hear his voice my whole heart starts to melt and deep inside me start to expect more calls from him. At the same time it makes me to be angry for all the broken promises that he has given and yet not leaving me alone. All these feelings are really confusing but thank god my decision of not wanting him anymore has not changed a bit.

Just to update with my story..... and appreciate all of you comments and encouragements. Specially you Hope 75 because that is exactly what I was doing during the last few days, just ignoring all the calls he was making. When ever he calls me I just simply cut the line and I think he has got the message now because there are no calls from him for last 2 days. I think I am ready to move on. Sometimes its difficult because he had been with me for last 5 years and now i am all alone. But I am doing much better. better than I thought that i would be. So i know I am going to make it this time. Because now i know he doesnt have any intention to divorce his wife, what he wanted was to keep both of us as that is convenient for him. It took me 5 years to realise that. But, the relationship I had with him over, it doesnt mean that my life is over. So just want to be strong and stick to my decision. Thanks again guyz.

Hi all, Well, as mentioned I broke up with him and told him not to call me any more. Getting the divorce is upto him and in case if he decides to go ahead with it, I may think of getting back together afterwards. But didnt give any promises. He agreed to all and after 2 days here it goes again. He got a friend of his to call me and after that he, himself started calling me. I just do not know how to getrid off this guy. Its difficult for me to stay away from him as well but that is the best choice here and i just dont know how to make him stop calling me and complicating things. Any suggestions?

Hi all, just want to update with the latest. I broke up with me. It was difficult and painful but I know that is the best solution. Things were getting out of control. and as usual there is no action on divorce. I feel a bit selfish and guilty(i know i shouldnt) for leaving him but I know I do not have any other choice. Now the difficult part is to stick to my decision. Not to call him or his friends any more. Not to wonder how he is doing and not to answer to the calls he would make to me.

Thanks Sad now. I also think that he is confused and due to the problems that he is having with kids, family and those who were with him during the election time, becaue there is a big force from everyone requesting them to settle back due to the potilical issues (you know how it is with these politics, and we all know what happened with ex President of USA). And he is stuck in the middle not knowing what to do. At the same time wouldnt it be the case here that in case wife wouldnt come back, then he has someone to fall back (that is me) and that is why he is trying to keep me with in the loop? I dont know, I am just trying to through the stones at every angle to see if I can make sense out of this.

Last night he called me and told me that his wife doesnt need to live with him any more and neither does he but the problem is kids and he said that he doesnt want to hurt his kids. But I told him this we discussed few times and kids need to know the truth. There is no point of not telling them the truth that if their mother and father is going to get divorce and if the father or the mother is planning on getting married to someone else. I do agree about the fact that as adults we should think about kids mentality but it doesnt mean that we should hide the turth rite? So I told him the problem is yours so fix it and come back to me if you really want me. Again there is no action about the divorce but talks. This morning again he called me to update the latest and told me wife has agreed to come back home but would live totally separately. I asked him what does he need from me. He said he needs few days to think about the next step that he would take. Also he told me decision is mine. If I would want him to divorce his wife and come then he would do it, it seems (this i dont buy anyway) Also I must say there is a problem with the society in this case, cos he is a well known person in the society due to his career (he is a politician) and he would have to give up on politics if he is to devorce his wife. Anyway he said that he would come and see me tomorrw to talk on this issue, and I want to be prepared not to get emotional and to tell him what I want. Do you guys think that he is just playing with my feeling? or is he a week person who doesnt have courage to make a decision of his won. Just going though such a difficult time and feeling like my whole world is falling apart. cant think of anythig except sit and cry. Also angela1234 I am sure that you also must have went though the same pain as you were also in a same situation. But how did u over come it? I really need to put all these things aside and move on as I have wasted enough.

Just to add one more thing, I have become an immotional eater as well because of all these problems. Life has been like a rolercoster and the heartbreak, tears, disappointments, fights and arguments that I have been going through made me to find the comfert in food. Joined with 3 gyms and ended up not continuing with any. Always temted to grab something unhealthy and eat it, and regreat after words. No point of putting all the blams on him as I am also resposible for my own actions. But struggeing to overcome this immotional eating habbit as well and continue with my gym as well. But the more I try to stay away from him the more I try to get closer to the food.

Guys, all of yours comments are very encouraging. What I need to break is this communication cycle with him and his friends have with me. He normally calls me on my mobile and if I wouldnt answer it he uses an unknown number to call me. Also thanks for telling me that its not my fault for him and his wife to separate cos I just find it very difficult to watch what his wife and kids are going through.

Again thanks guys for all the advices. It really does help. Since it has been 5 years I find it very difficult to forget him and move on with my life. But deep inside me I know that the best is to leave him and move on with my life. I have been doing things to keep way from him and at the same time find it very difficult to be strong and ignore his calls. Today he went to talk to his wifes mother and the family and still he hasnt returend it seems as there are no calls from him . Getting so sick of going through this pain .... i know i asked for it and it is my fault as well. but finds it difficult to move on

Thanks you very much for all of your replies. I am also confused as to what i want right now. I want to marry him and at the same time I dont know if I can trust him. During last coupld of weeks also I tried doing NC but he kept calling me and and at the end i answered. I even changed my number and somehow he found that as well. If I leave him now at this stage, would I be selfish? As I am also one of the reasons for his wife to leave him.

Hi all, I am having a relationship with a married man and I know it is not right at all. But I am not a sort of a person who would even dream of cheating any one or who would try to distroy others family life.All these happened about 5 years a go and that time he told me that he would be getting a divorce as he was not happy in his marriage. Things were just continuting and we harldy met at the intial stage as he was very busy with his work all the time. Even if we met it was more like just dinner out and all but NO SEX. TO make a long story short, there were few times which I tried to stay away from him as I felt very guilty of continuig seing him as he is married but he always made it to a point to somehow contact me and start a conversation with me. May be I didnt try it really hard at the beginning to break this and I dont know the real reason behind this. About few years a go he lost his main income and financially he was struggeling and that was the time which he became very closer to me. I helped him a lot finanially and giving moral support when ever he wants but always made it to a point that I do not want to be a sparewheel so he has to make his choice between my self and his wife and always said not to divorce her and try to solve things between them and leave me alone. When I try to stop the affair he some how manages to get closer to me by coming up with some sort of a problem he is havig and i end up helping him out. Beginig of last year i couldnt take this anymore and i knew what he wanted was to keep his wife as well as my self so that when ever he fights with his wife he could use me to comfert him. So I decided to end this. After that only all the drama started. His wife called me one day (actually his wife is a sort of a person, if he talks to a girl even for an official matter she thinks they sleep together....i dont blame her for that totally as he sometimes does carry away with girls unnecessaryly) and wanted to check a number to see whether it was mine. He has taken many calls to that number from his mobile and i told her thats not mine and we both got to gether and tried to find out who she was. Actually she was a girl whom he had some official business and never got proved whether they had an affair or not. Due to this incedent my self and his wife started talking every day, and she told me it seems that he really loves me and its okay with her if he would want to marry me. I wasnt sure whehter to go ahead with this but after meeting his kids and the wife i really got connected to them and i said i would and i even said that i would take the full responsibility of the kids schooling and their further education. The talks were going from here and there between us but no actions were taken. And at the beginning of this year the wife left him with kids after having a big fight and he says taht he doesnt want to live with his wife any more and wants to marry me (but doesnt take the necessary steps to divorce her). But i still keep asking him to try to talk to the wife and solve the matter as that is the best solution here and though it is difficult for me that i would leave him. Today he went to his wife's parents house to talk to the wife as well as her family as to what to do next, whether to go ahead with a settlement if there is any possibility of go for a divorce. Please tell me what to do. I am going though a hell of a time here. I really love him and i believe even he does. Last nite also we went out for dinner and he told me that he cannot live without me cos he never received the love and care i gave him from his wife. Also ever since we met, specially from quite recently he has changed a lot, he has been very responsible and considerate towards me. Try not to hurt me at all and always says and does things to prove that he does not want to get it wrong for the second time in his life. He knows that he would be happy with me as I would never ill treat his kids and even his current wife. Am I being selfish and unfair? I feel really guilty for the current situation. At the same time though his wife treated me nicely she even had call my home and told my brothers what I have been doing. She still denays that she did it but I found out it was her who did that.

Hi Guys, I am having a relationship with a married man and I know it is not right at all. But I am not a sort of a person who would even dream of cheating any one or who would try to distroy others family life.All these happened about 5 years a go and that time he told me that he would be getting a divorce as he was not happy in his marriage. Things were just continuting and we harldy met at the intial stage as he was very busy with his work all the time. Even if we met it was more like just dinner out and all but NO SEX. TO make a long story short, there were few times which I tried to stay away from him as I felt very guilty of continuig seing him as he is married but he always made it to a point to somehow contact me and start a conversation with me. May be I didnt try it really hard at the beginning to break this and I dont know the real reason behind this. About few years a go he lost his main income and financially he was struggeling and that was the time which he became very closer to me. I helped him a lot finanially and giving moral support when ever he wants but always made it to a point that I do not want to be a sparewheel so he has to make his choice between my self and his wife and always said not to divorce her and try to solve things between them and leave me alone. When I try to stop the affair he some how manages to get closer to me by coming up with some sort of a problem he is havig and i end up helping him out. Beginig of last year i couldnt take this anymore and i knew what he wanted was to keep his wife as well as my self so that when ever he fights with his wife he could use me to comfert him. So I decided to end this. After that only all the drama started. His wife called me one day (actually his wife is a sort of a person, if he talks to a girl even for an official matter she thinks they sleep together....i dont blame her for that totally as he sometimes does carry away with girls unnecessaryly) and wanted to check a number to see whether it was mine. He has taken many calls to that number from his mobile and i told her thats not mine and we both got to gether and tried to find out who she was. Actually she was a girl whom he had some official business and never got proved whether they had an affair or not. Due to this incedent my self and his wife started talking every day, and she told me it seems that he really loves me and its okay with her if he would want to marry me. I wasnt sure whehter to go ahead with this but after meeting his kids and the wife i really got connected to them and i said i would and i even said that i would take the full responsibility of the kids schooling and their further education. The talks were going from here and there between us but no actions were taken. And at the beginning of this year the wife left him with kids after having a big fight and he says taht he doesnt want to live with his wife any more and wants to marry me (but doesnt take the necessary steps to divorce her). But i still keep asking him to try to talk to the wife and solve the matter as that is the best solution here and though it is difficult for me that i would leave him. Today he went to his wife's parents house to talk to the wife as well as her family as to what to do next, whether to go ahead with a settlement if there is any possibility of go for a divorce. Please tell me what to do. I am going though a hell of a time here. I really love him and i believe even he does. Last nite also we went out for dinner and he told me that he cannot live without me cos he never received the love and care i gave him from his wife. Also ever since we met, specially from quite recently he has changed a lot, he has been very responsible and considerate towards me. Try not to hurt me at all and always says and does things to prove that he does not want to get it wrong for the second time in his life. He knows that he would be happy with me as I would never ill treat his kids and even his current wife. Am I being selfish and unfair? I feel really guilty for the current situation. At the same time though his wife treated me nicely she even had call my home and told my brothers what I have been doing. She still denays that she did it but I found out it was her who did that.