Rob1000

I remember you from my break up in 2009, Dave, and I had to read your post. Great to see you and have a happy Christmas!

My ex and I broke up almost 3 months ago. She broke up with me saying she wasn't ready to give me a full commitment any more and that with so much change in her life, she wanted to do some growing up. I went NC straight away until early this month when my dog got very sick and I text her to tell her about it. We exchanged some lovely messages and 3 days later I asked if she wanted to chat on the phone. She was really happy to hear from me. We chatted for about 2 hours. It was nice catching up but I felt way too needy and weak while we were talking and catching up. I did my best to hide it though. She's made some big changes in her life and I could feel how confident and in control she was. Still, I asked if she fancied meeting up sometime and she instantly agreed, but asked if I meant as just friends. I said I had enough friends and that I knew how I felt about her and wanted to try again - to just go on a date and see. She didn't seem too off-put by my intentions - she even mentioned spending New Year's together - but did say that she still wanted her freedom and hinted that I wasn't going to get that full-on commitment she believed I was seeking. In the end, we kept it simple. She was going to be in town that weekend and suggested we could meet for coffee before she got her train home. I agreed. We ended the call late in to the night, calling each other by our old pet names, but something inside me didn't feel good. It didn't feel like I had been talking to the old her, and that I was too vulnerable and emotional to go ahead with it. And my instincts were screaming at me not to meet her. I spent the entire next day feeling that I couldn't go through with our meeting. I felt that if I saw her I wouldn't be my old self, that she would see right through me and that our short date would be the absolute end of us. The day she was due in town, she text me with her train schedule but I said I wanted to leave it and not meet. When she asked why I said I just wasn't feeling the love any more and felt from our conversation that she needed to be by herself and that we were some time off giving us another go. She didn't reply until later that night when she asked if "its still a no for tomorrow?" I said I had other plans and to text me over Christmas and we'll do something. She didn't reply. And I don't think I'm going to hear from her now. While part of me regrets the chance to meet her and possibly start dating again, I still think I did the right thing because I wasn't ready to meet her and chance messing it up once and for all. While I still think we have a chance in the future, I believe that the best chance is when there's been adequate time between us and we come back together as equals, rather than me feeling like a needy simp and chasing her, which would only end with her dumping me again. The only problem now is, its Christmas and I can't stop thinking about her and hoping I'll hear from her. Ugggggghhh!!

Does anyone else experience that while trying to recover and move on? This morning I was feeling really good, with great clarity over my situation but then a little while ago I got so overwhelmed with every emotion - from sadness to overwhelming grief and crying - that I could barely function. I hope the waves of grief mean I'm accepting and letting go, which will help me get over her and move on.

I was recovering from heart break number 2 back then. I remember my now-ex telling me that my then-ex didn't deserve me, after the way I had been treated. Practise what you preach, biatch!!!

DAY 97! In three days it'll be 100 days since I send her a birthday card! The last time I contacted her.

I know you hate me. I didn't want the ring issue to push us even further apart but it obviously has and I guess that's understandable, but I hate that we can't even be civil to one another after everything we have been through. I do believe you.

I know exactly how you feel. I don't want my ex back. I don't feel the same way about her any more. But I'd love to talk to her and see her. Crazy eh!?

Day 23. Found out (pretty sure anyway) that she's with someone else. It has definitely helped me cut the last chord and head out on the final road to recovery!

Day 17.. up and down!

Day 16. She broke it. Probably Day 30 something for me. Been 7 months now. I still miss her. It really sucks!!

Time, time, time. That's all I need!

Day 8. Prolly the hardest day so far. I hate Saturday nights in by myself.

It's this simple folks. Sending a birthday greeting to an ex is not going to have any bearing on whether you ever get back together with them. If they ever wanted to come back, a birthday text or no birthday text will not have been a decisive factor. In my opinion, no good will come from wishing them a happy birthday.

Day 7. It's getting better, man!

I got back together with my ex about 3 years ago. My posts about it should still be on here.

Day 5 for me.. If you're going thru hell, keep going....

Thanks scruff.

Thanks Scout. I definitely think initiating NC from the very beginning was a huge help in getting her back. I walked away, so to speak. I kept telling myself during the period of NC that I was giving us the best possible chance of making it. I had to encourage myself that what I was doing was a very positive thing even though it was killing me inside. The period of NC also added that bit of mystery when we did start hanging out again. As for 'the talk', I agree with Scruff, we mostly let it happen naturally. But there were several times when we spoke in depth about what happened and how we could do better this time around. The one piece of advise I can give is to keep it any talks light hearted and speak of the negative aspects in a constructive manner, if you get me? Remember, at the start of a relationship there is no water under the bridge, no negatives, just fun and laughter, so it is important speak of everything in a positive way. The one most important thing I learnt is this. Nobody likes a negative person. Nobody likes a dullard who always complains about the smallest things. A positive outlook on life and an upbeat nature are such attractive qualities and can win over anyone. Think of the most popular person in your school, college or work place and I bet they are someone who knows just how to smile and laugh. This, I believe, was the secret to my success!!!

Hey enol, I had tought many times about posting my story but somehow thought that it would sound conceited, particularly as I know just how painful it all can be for many on these boards. But I learnt so many things while going through my break up and even though I'm almost 32, it probably made me grow up. So I thought maybe I could share some of the things I learnt with others who really want their exes back.

hi bbpie. I always knew I was gonna break NC. I was just waiting for the right time. One morning I woke up and just sent an innocent hello text message. A few days later, she then text me and it all started from there.

Hi all. I was a frequent visitor to this forum about 6 months ago after my g/f broke up with me. I remember clearly that all I wanted to hear were some success stories from people who had successfully got back together with their ex partners. As this forum helped me so much during one of the worst times of my life (some of my worst moments are posted on here), I wanted to give something back and give those who are desperately in need some cause for optimism. My g/f and I got back together in May after 2 months apart. It didn't come easily, but in the end the patience, the time apart and most importantly, the No Contact was what really brought us back together. I took time out to re-discover the real me, the person my ex had fallen in love with back at the beginning. I read books (yes, relationship books), I became best friends with David DeAngelo and his eBook series!! I exercised like never before. I socialised. I took up the drums. I read page after page of threads on this forum. When all I was thinking about was her, I posted my thoughts, my regrets and even my tears while the wonderful, wonderful people on this forum helped me get through each day. At this point I must mention MajorD, Scruff and Enolaton. They may not remember me, but I sure fire remember those guys and their help and support. When contact was re-established (I broke NC), I kept everything to a minimum. I never brought up the relationship. I was never bitter. Everything I said was said in a positive light because we can't help being drawn towards those with a positive nature. I never complained about anything, ever. I never made fun of anyone in front of her because only insecure people do that. I even teased her gently. Everything I did was done with a cool, confident smile. But its important to state that how I was behaving wasn't an act. I wasn't trying to be somebody I wasn't just to impress her. As a result of our time apart and six weeks of strict no contact, I had actually become that same independent, interesting, confident and funny guy that she had initially fallen in love with 2 years earlier. I was me again without actually realising it. You may think that six weeks isn't a long time, but to me, it was an eternity. It wasn't all easy though. I had to keep my burning love for her under wraps and let her come to me. But in the end she could see the true differences in me. I tried to add a little mystery. I didn't tell her everything I had been up to and gave her just a taste of what she had been missing! In the end she couldn't resist and asked me back within a couple of weeks. It's now six months since we broke up and four since we were re-united. Our relationship has never been better. I know everybody's situation is different but sometimes there is hope. But there are no magic ways. You just have to look after yourself, because the more you do, the sooner you will move on. There are always doubters who say that people break up for a reason, and you know what? They are absolutely right. Me and mine broke up for the best reason possible - so we could get back together and fall in love all over again! I remember something I read on this forum and I kept saying it to myself. "If you're going through hell, keep going, it gets better." I want to thank the guys and gals who helped me so much. I hope you all find the happiness that you deserve. Love Rob

Trust me, soon enough, it wont matter to you whether she cares or not!

Give it a couple of days and you'll start to feel strong again. I did this a few yrs back after 3 months NC. I got no reply. It took a few days but I was soon feeling strong again. It's probably a good thing she didn't reply becuase now you're that bit closer to getting over her. Just think about how you would have felt had she responded and given you some sort of false hope. Just go back to NC and you'll soon be fine.

Don't send anything. Do not break NC. Trust me. You will feel 100 times worse if you do. Leave with your head held high.