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Daligal83

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Everything posted by Daligal83

  1. Did you and your boyfriend really break up or were you writing in general? It's a beautiful poem ResonanceTheory.
  2. Thanks Batya I think if it comes to it, I'd give her another chance. The weird thing to me is that she said in the note that maybe she's off on the whole negativity thing and we just drifted apart due to busy school schedules (at this time she was back in the city where we went to understand and I was about 3 1/2 hours away). I mean something specific happened and we definitely did not just drift apart. I don't get if she just wanted to gloss over it and pretend it didn't happen or what.
  3. I know this thread is old...but there's an update. I ran into this girl once I moved back to the city where we went to college. She goes to my gym and lives on my street, so we'd see each other here and there. I've probably had five interactions with her since late summer/early fall. Lately, she's starting sending me messages on Facebook. She asked something about our gym and I figured she was just trying to get information out of me and not really interested in talking. Well this morning I woke up to a message from her apologizing for everything. She said how much she valued my friendship and how she always went to me and no one else because I'm a rational thinker and was always there for her. She said that she knows now that she was probably overwhelming with her negativity and that she's in a better place now. So I sent her a message back explaining that part of it was the negativity, but it was more that the friendship had become one sided and I felt like what was happening with me didn't matter. I don't know how she'll react to that, but I felt it needed to be said. I don't know if she's looking to become friends again or just wanted to apologize. I miss a lot of what our friendship was because she was SO much fun to be around, but I'm a little nervous about it as well. What do you guys think?
  4. I'm not a guy...but I feel your pain. I'm 23 and was on staff for this teen retreat for my internship where there were other groups as well. I definitely got hit on by a 14 year old! Oy.... Like others said...dressing the part helps a lot. So does having that confidence of a more mature person. For example, there's a guy in my office who people guessed was a lot older than he is just because he acts confident.
  5. What about taking a class? Is there something you've always wanted to learn how to do? Or if you belong to a gym you could take a group exercise class. I think the key is putting yourself into new environments since the ones that you are in right now aren't working to get you new friends.
  6. My ex said it after 2 weeks and I said it back...but looking back it was too soon. Turned out to be a horrible relationship that somehow lasted for 2 years. My current boyfriend said it after 3 months and I said it back and completely meant it. I felt it earlier..probably I'd say after 2 months. We're in a great relationship
  7. First, I'd suggest having a conversation like that in person, or if you can't do that then over the phone. It's too important to do through email. I don't think that just because he's friends with people who gossip that he wants you to gossip. I think he just wants to know you and your thoughts. Telling him what happened in your day, interactions you had with people, things that you were excited about or mad about...those will bring you closer. I'm guessing that's the kind of communication he's wanting. I don't see that as gossip...but I'm also a very talkative person. Do you think you could do things like that?
  8. Right now there's not much you can do about the situation. It will all depend on where she gets into school and what she decides at that point. Since it's far away, try to enjoy your relationship now instead of worrying. When it comes to the time that she's applying to and hearing back from schools, then have more serious discussions about what is the best for each of you. I think it's great that you are both mature enough to think ahead and try to plan for your futures, but really enjoy your time together now since you can't decide anything yet.
  9. Maybe you guys need to try doing new activities that include talking. So that way he feels that you're communicating and you don't feel like you're talking for no reason. You could take a class together, join a book club, start a new hobby together. Give yourselves something to talk about.
  10. You said that are you are afraid of being alone, or without her. Think about this. Is it her you want to be with, or just someone? Because you're not getting what you deserve from this girl. In another thread people were posted what you learned from past relationships, and the first thing I said was that it's NOT better to be in a bad relationship than to be alone. You can find someone else who is great for you and treats you well, but not while you're with this girl. If you want to give it another try, talk to her and say because of what you have been through with her, you need more commitment from her to stay around. You have spent all this time being considerate of her needs, and like you said, it's time yours are taken into account.
  11. Maybe it's not an attractiveness level. From your description and what you said others say about it, it sounds to me that it's more about you looking young. Is there something you could do to make yourself appear older? Like your style of dress or hairstyle, etc. Even how you carry yourself makes a difference. I have to agree with Scout's point though. A ton of people would kill to be referred to as cute and that guys would go gaga over them.
  12. It comes down to compatibility. She has every right to want to wait until marriage, and you have every right to not want to wait. You can't make her change her mind though..and would you really want to? I can't imagine having sex with someone when it went against their beliefs. You just have to decide if you're willing to wait or not. If it's important enough to you that you are physical before being married, then you are not the right ones for each other and it's time to move on.
  13. 1. It's NOT better to be treated badly and stay in a relationship than to be single. 2. That they won't change or suddenly treat you the way you deserve. 3. If your SO won't spend time with your friends or family, move on. 4. If your SO won't spend time with your friends and family, but doesn't want you to either...RUN. I could go on forever...
  14. I have to agree with Batya and Hope...I would be really worried about his interests more than his work ethic. In my opinion, you can't have a healthy relationship with someone who abuses drugs.
  15. I have to disagree...maybe I am biased because he sounds like my ex...but if she has an exam and a paper due the next day and has financial problems, I think he should be understanding and wait until the weekend. My ex used to get mad if I had to do something and he wanted my attention, and would say that I put other things before him. When you're in a relationship, you have to be understanding and respect of the other aspects of that person's life and he doesn't seem to be doing that. Not that she should expect him to do everything for her, but if she has those things due there's no reason for him to be upset.
  16. I think if you explain to her your history with girls and how you've been treated, she's more likely to understand where you are coming from. If you just tell her not to hang out with her ex, she'll assume you're trying to control her and that won't go over well. The more honest and open with her you are, the easier it will be to have that kind of conversation.
  17. Maybe it was the way you were communicating with each other. She might have needed support from you in a certain way and you were providing it in another. Not to say one way is better than other, people just have different needs. I'll give you an example... I went on a first date with this guy and during the date my mother called (my phone was on so that he could call the taxi) and I won't ignore a call from my mom. She called to say that my best friend's dog had died. I told him this when I got off (it was a very short phone call) and he goes, "Should I ask if you're OK or something?" To me, that was offensive. It said, this shouldn't really matter and you shouldn't be upset, but I'll ask just to cover my bases. To him he probably thought that he was checking to make sure I'm OK and that he was being supportive. You can see how while one person has the intention of trying to communicate, depending on how it's done the other person may not perceive it in the way you intended.
  18. Please don't just hook up with her and get rid of her...I don't see how that helps anything, it'd just make it worse. But from reading your posts, you don't seem like that kind of guy anyway. No, you guys aren't exclusive, but there's an assumption of respect when you are even casually seeing someone. If she seems sincere in her apologies and you honestly don't think she'd do it again, and you really feel you can move on from this...keep seeing her. Otherwise, you're going to get upset every time her ex is around and it will hurt anything you are building with her.
  19. Well said! And Foglifter, I think you're going to find that having that mentality with women won't get you very far with them... To the OP, like the others said, just because she was wrong doesn't mean you had to act the same way. You both need to work on your anger in my opinion...
  20. I definitely go for the small details. For example, last semester my boyfriend made his first trip here to visit me. He brought me a present as a surprise and it was perfect. He got me a purple orchid plant. It was perfect because 1) I had wanted a plant for my new apartment 2) My favorite color is purple and I'm slightly obsessed with it and 3) My favorite flower is an orchid. He's really good about the little details. Another example...I was having a hard week at one point and he wrote on my facebook that he knew that I was going to check facebook as soon as I got home so he decided to write me and wish me good luck with everything I was doing. He's so great about it now, I can only imagine how great it's going to be when we're not long distance!
  21. Even though therapy hasn't helped you with your depression so far, my suggestion is to see someone about your relationships. They can help you work through why you keep repeating the same pattern and help you break that pattern while hopefully maintaining your relationship. It can take awhile to find a therapist that you click with and can help you most effectively, so maybe another shot at it is your best bet. In the meantime, does your partner know about this pattern you have? Maybe if you explain to him how you feel differently about him and you're afraid of repeating the same old pattern, he'll see it different and you guys can take it down a level. He could also support you through therapy and that makes it a better chance of keeping your relationship. I don't know if this makes you feel any better, but the majority of time with guys I would be interested until he showed serious interest in me. Then for some reason I lost complete interest and just wanted him to go away. There are a few times this hasn't happen and two of those have ended up in serious relationships (including the one I'm in now). Just wanted you to know you're not alone.
  22. I completely understand what you're saying about the LDR thing. I'm in one too...and you really do cling to every little thing since you can't see your SO on a regular basis. It's really tough. I think people have made a good point though about looking at this in a different way. Someone mentioned this in another thread and I learned about it in my couples therapy class, but there are five typical ways that people communicate love. These are: attention, touching, gifts/presents, acts of service, and words of recognition. Everyone has their own preference as to what they do and would like to receive. So while you show your love and expect to receive it in attention (I'm just guessing here), he shows his through acts of service (again, just assuming). If you look at it this way, it might help you see the love behind what he does, like sophie suggested. I think this could really help you through this situation.
  23. I know...but I'm sick of having those days most of the days out of the week. I don't find myself attractive at all. It's so hard to find clothes that look good on me because I have a weird body shape. I think the fact that I had to skip working out today because I'm sick and making me feel worse... On the bright side...my boyfriend cracks me up and just put a huge smile on my face
  24. Yea I'm not getting a great feeling about this guy. It sounds like he's looking to hook up more than for anything serious.
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