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sophie274

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  1. sophie274
    Did you broadcast the fact that you had this windfall? Do you bring it up in conversation? If so, these people may think that your money is an acceptable subject of conversation. If you've been quite private about the whole thing, keep it that way. If someone makes a joke about your money, joke back. If someone tries to give you advice, say politely but firmly that you are well informed, are happy with the decisions you have made, and do not wish to discuss the topic. The interest should fade over time.
  2. sophie274
    If I were you, I wouldn't call and go through another explanation of why you had a "moment", and bring up your past experiences. I guess I feel like the ball is in his court - you have already explained and apologized once, right? The most I would do would be to call him and ask him out. If he is unavailable/refuses/is not interested, never returns your call, or something of that sort, I would leave it at that. I understand your disappointment - it seems like such a silly misunderstanding!
  3. sophie274
    I really really want to say no, but of course there is always that 0.000000000000001% that you could be. If I were you, I would allow myself to react, and maybe when your period ends you can take a test just to make sure. Honestly though, I would bet 1 billion dollars that you are not pregnant - that's how unlikely it is. Still, follow up just for peace of mind, and make sure to lay out a plan of action as to what birth control methods you are going to use from now on, and IMPLEMENT it. Going through life worrying about being pregnant every month is no way to live!
  4. sophie274
    It might also depend on what you were wearing/what time of day it was when you weighed yourself at the doc's. I weigh probably 3 pounds more in the middle of the day than in the morning, and my clothes usually weigh at least 2 pounds. If you can actually see that you are getting fatter, you can take a look at what's in the food you are preparing. Are you cooking with a lot of grease, dairy products, non-lean meats? My suggestion would be: - to make sure you are cooking leanly for yourself - think if there are any things you could easily cut out of your diet (ie do you have a muffin as a snack every morning, or some nuts before dinner) - increase how much you work out each day by 5 mins, to start with. It's just 5 mins, but that's an added 20 mins per week if you work out 4 times a week. If you added 7 minutes, that would be almost 1/2 hour - as much as if you had added an extra trip to the gym!
  5. sophie274
    I quoted the parts of your posts that struck me the most. Though I'm glad this approach worked for you and your girlfriend, it sounds like (and please tell me if I am interpreting this wrong) it was the first time you used this approach (talking about sex on the first and second date) with someone. I have to say I honestly don't think this approach would work for many people (based on the posts I have read on this site and general experience). For me and for other women as well, agreeing to a date does NOT mean you want to have sex with your date. It means you want to go on a date! I only want to have sex with someone I love and am in love with, so that's the first thing I am looking to do when I go on a date. The sex comes later. I agree with you that talking about sex is important. Talking about it very early on ... maybe. Since most people today have pre-marital sex, if I did not plan to have sex until marriage, I would definitely tell my date. (I have a friend, a guy, who does this). If you are someone who only wants to date men or women who will go to bed with you within a few days to a month, then I guess you could air that on the first date. However, I think that could put off a lot of women - even if they usually DO have sex early on - because of the expectation of progression it places on them. I think ending up having sex on the 3rd date and being told you must agree to have sex on the 3rd date are hugely different approaches. Having a guy call up and ask you out on a date and to get on BC and get tested for STDs in the same breath? Again, would probably feel way too "forward" for women. I also want to add that being "comfortable with and knowledgeable about" sex does not equate to wanting to have it with someone you don't know very well. I would consider myself plenty comfortable with the idea of sex, and as knowledgeable as I want to be - but casual sex doesn't work for me! My basic point is just to caution that this would definitely not work for everyone, and seems to me that it would not work for women - but that is just from my observations and conversations.
  6. sophie274
    I agree with n83. It's a bit weird he went out of his way to tell you that she was flirting with him all the time ... I think it's is contradictory that he is telling you it's not a big deal/she's not really flirting, but is refusing to just casually mention he has a girlfriend, and a child! The fact that it hasn't come up yet also makes me think he has purposefully avoided telling her - it seems like his family is something that would come up easily ("what did you do this week-end", "what did you do for christmas" "where are you living", etc ...). It sounds like he is craving attention. Maybe the fact that he is "tied down" - established with a family, etc - has made him panic a bit. I don't think you are going to be able to accomplish much with this issue - you can't MAKE him tell her, I guess, nor can you prevent them from seeing each other - but I would advise that you get him to see a counselor with you so he can properly understand how you feel. You could also try moving closer to his school, if that is a possibility, so that you feel more included in his life. You could also try getting a regular babysitter, so that YOU could have a social life on the side.
  7. sophie274
    I find the 2nd date a bit early to get tested and talk about sex and previous partners! You hardly know the person! I would only want to talk about sex with a boyfriend once I was sure I wanted to actually have sex with him, and that would not be the second date. Also, asking about giving hugs/kisses would also be uncomfortable for me. I guess my expectation is that if I am dating someone, after the first few (maybe 3-5 or so), we would both be comfortable with what I would consider a minimal level of intimacy. Asking for a kiss all the time would ruin the experience for me! However, I think it's great that that approach worked for both of you. I agree that talking about sex is important, and whichever way is both safe and effective for the couple is the way to go.
  8. sophie274
    Ok! Sorry - I thought for a second we might go to the same school. My school has "the residential college system" too, and your story just sounded sort of eerily familiar. I have a few suggestions. 1- Sign up for a club/activity that you can actually go to, and that will make you feel good regardless of whether or not your meet people. For example, I am currently taking a capoeira class through my school - lots of fun and puts me in a good mood. It's socializing, even though I'm not meeting people. 2- When I feel lonely, I like to study in places where there are lots of people around. Coffee shops, student center, etc ... Again, takes away some of the loneliness even if you're not making friends. 3- As to your suitemates, not much you can do. You must be drawing your rooms for next year soon, so just ride it out. I would make sure you're not antagonizing them (ie do they dislike you because you leave the room very messy, always have random guys over, etc ...), and then just live and let live. Be civil to them and be open to their friendship, but it's a waste of your time trying to force yourself into their group. 4- Making friends is really hard. I wish I had a foolproof method. Try to look nice and approachable, smile. When you do meet someone, get him to talk about himself - people LOVE to talk about themselves. Take some risks and smile at people you see often, go up to them ... and most of all, don't get discouraged. It takes time, but it will happen.
  9. sophie274
    This may seem a bit strange, but can I ask where you go to school?
  10. sophie274
    I don't know what advice I can give at this point - she needs to find out if she pregnant, but it sounds like she has already made her decision if she is: to keep the baby and raise it. And as much as you may dislike it, the fact is (and I say this with complete compassion for your situation, because you must be so nervous) that you should have thought about it before and taken appropriate measures to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. For now, she needs to take a test, ASAP. If she is not pregnant then I would suggest you revisit your method of birth control if you do not want to be a father. Not having sex may be a bit drastic - you can get fairly close to a zero chance by using 2 or more methods of BC. I would suggest a hormonal method for her (or IUD), coupled with condoms, even some spermicide if you want to be extra careful. If she is pregnant and wants to keep the child, then you will have to accept the responsibility you had in making the baby, and not be angry at her for making the choice to keep the baby, since you knew about her views regarding abortion previously. Provide as much support for her as possible, and prepare yourself to be a father to your child. Good luck! Fingers crossed for you she is not pregnant!
  11. sophie274
    Good point Annie! Though I'm not sure it does much against the arguments of opponents to same-sex adoption, since I believe they oppose more on the grounds of the "family model" of gay couples than on parenting skills ... I read an article in the NYTimes about a month ago about Eastern European orphans coming to the US for trial runs with families before the families filed for adoption (for older children, about 7-15), and the stories were so touching! One family gave a 7 year old girl her first bubble bath, and a princess dress, and she got to watch TV for the first time, and this other family took an older child skiing for the first time. The best part is that is was the best two weeks of their lives for both the children and the couples!
  12. sophie274
    You're most likely jealous of him because he has certain qualities or talents that you would love to have yourself. A constructive approach might be to sit down and think about what these things are, and then try to emulate him. Do you admire his ability to make friends and his social skills? Observe his techniques, read a book, go out and try to make friends yourself.
  13. sophie274

    Bit worried

    sophie274 replied to elveden's topic in Pregnancy

    Yes, mainly what others have said: - She should make sure she remembers to take her pill all the time. If she has trouble remembering, she should speak to her doc about other forms of birth control (depo, patch, nuva-ring, etc ...) that do not require her to take a pill everyday. - She should sit down and read the instructions on her pill packet. When I went on the pill I learned what to do if you miss one, two, three pills, etc ... so that if you forget one you know what to do. My pill also has a website (ortho-tri-cyclen-lo) which has all the info on it - maybe hers does to. - If you do not want to be parents, the safest thing is to double up on the BC. It seems like many people preach that but few do: well my bf and I always use two forms of birth control, and I do not worry about pregnancy. I would also urge you to think about pregnancy and parenting in a more realistic way. Though I understand the idea of having a child with her may be attractive, and quite romantic, sit down and imagine the day to day realities. There are several young parents on the board, and they can attest that raising a child has not been a piece of cake. Think about time, finances, dreams you would have to give up, the fact that you may be a single dad or not get to see your child if you and your girlfriend break up.
  14. sophie274
    I would advise against quitting school tomorrow! You would need to apply to a high school in your boyfriend's area, send a transcript, recommendations, etc ... and have them accept you. Call up the schools in his area and ask them - they are the experts. Make sure you go through proper channels instead of quitting school, going there and finding out you don't have proper qualifications and paperwork. My main concern is that you have never met your boyfriend in person. Do you really think it's a wise idea to pick up and move over there before you have even met? What if you don't like him once you get there? Do you have a plan B? Will you go back to Australia? I know you feel really bonded, close, and "in love" right now, but the fact is that you don't know what he's like in real, physical life ... and there is a possibility you will not like the reality. Even if you had met him I would advise against moving. You are very young, and the relationship is very new. Much to early in both your life and the life of the relationship to be making these kinds of decisions, in my opinion. Have you talked to your parents? What do they think about it?
  15. sophie274
    I just wanted to say: on my first date with my long-term boyfriend, we went out to dinner and when the check came he paid. Because the setting-up of the date had been informal, I didn't want him to think I wasn't interested by insisting on paying half, but I didn't want to make an insincere offer, and I was nervous and shy, so I said nothing. I felt terribly awkward and said a very awkward thank-you. I paid for our second date and we have usually alternated since then, so it had nothing to do with my expecting to be wined and dined. I was just quite nervous. I might be totally off base here (and you might have an idea depending on her body language/demeanor during the date), but maybe she was nervous and felt a bit awkward? I would definitely give her a second date, provided you enjoyed the time you spent with her.
  16. sophie274
    I'm not too sure about the significance of the study. I'm a bit surprised it had to be done, frankly: seems to be stating the obvious in a way not very flattering to natural parents. Clearly, most people can get pregnant and make a baby. Adoptive parents are pre-screened for all sorts of things, and the process requires major commitment. There is a remarkable difference in why and how couples have children and how they end up liking being parents. It's hard to generalize - some planned children end up left by the wayside (metaphorically I mean!), some unplanned are treated like kings, some are just children of convenience - because it seems like the thing to do. Very interesting in my opinion. It took three years of trying and various drugs (no IVF though) for my parents to get pregnant with my sister, and by the time my mother finally got pregnant she was ECSTATIC! I think the wait gave them time to get ready and really really intensely desire a child, but at the same time was a huge source of stress. Complex ...
  17. sophie274
    Hey I felt that way last spring, but this spring I am taking very exciting classes so I am all fired up for the semester. Can you switch into more interesting classes? Apart from that, getting into fixed habits - i.e. getting up at X hour every day, working at X place from X time to X time helps me. If it's routine you don't have to think about it. Make sure you are getting plenty of rest and planning in some fun extracurricular/leisure activities. If you feel fulfilled in other areas of your life, maybe you will feel better about school. I also love studying in groups - even if you are not too motivated, the social side can get you more inclined to hit the books and actually look forward to studying. I wish the above suggestions were a little more-groundbreaking, but I'm afraid they're just the usual principles. I hope you gain your zest back !
  18. sophie274
    I think it's very possible he is not ready, and quite shy about it. It sort of fits with the bragging - he is probably nervous and is bragging to reassure himself/boost his confidence. I find it disrespectful on your part to try to perform sexual acts on him after he has said he wasn't interested. If you do not want to continue a relationship with him unless the two of you have sex right now, then you can tell him that ... but you really shouldn't be trying to force yourself onto him. How long have you been going out? Is it really that strange that he is not ready yet? Do you know what his past dating pattern has been?
  19. sophie274
    YAY ! That's wonderful news! Many congratulations, and best wishes for a healthy and easy (as much as possible) pregnancy!
  20. sophie274
    Dark chocolate on strawberries is tasty. However, if you're doing this real time, a few things to consider. - Where is your melted chocolate going to be? Melted chocolate doesn't stay melted that long, so unless you two are standing over the stove ... - If the chocolate is liquid, it's probably hot. Unless you're usually from the bottle chocolate sauce, which is not so yummy in my opinion. I think you show prepare some chocolate covered strawberries ahead of time, and then enjoy them with her. Maybe with some sort of drink - alcohol if you are older (didn't see your age - something like champagne) or maybe a sparkling alcoholic-free cider or something.
  21. sophie274
    I've been following your posts - CONGRATULATIONS! I hope you make a very speedy recovery and manage to find a calm oasis for you and your son so that you can enjoy your first days together without too much stress. Love the name!
  22. sophie274
    On V-Day last year, I had been dating my boyfriend for about 3 months. (We are both sophomores in college.) He brought me breakfast in bed and gave me some of my favorite brand of chocolate, and I got him a DVD season of his favorite TV show and drew him this cute (I think!) card. We went out to dinner (low-key) that night. For me - that was perfect. Thoughtful gifts, but nothing ridiculous, or covered in pink and red. This year, I am making and framing a drawing of us together for him, and we will probably go out to dinner. No idea what he is doing! I think for a young relationship it's best to give something thoughtful but relatively low-key and not too high on the cutesy/romantic factor - i.e not too many hearts, ribbons, teddy bears, etc. Something that says you've been paying attention to him/her and what he/she likes. Maybe it's just me ... I would be uncomfortable if a very recent boyfriend showered me with "hallmark" type gifts. While going on a really fun date is a great idea, I personally love receiving tangible, physical things because I will absolutely keep them forever. I'm not talking bling or anything expensive - a card or something like that. I think most people who have been in a relationship for a while know each other's M.O for Valentine's Day, or have talked about it. It seems rare that people go all out on Valentine's Day - seems like most prefer to save the fireworks and $$ for a date that is more meaningful to their relationship.
  23. sophie274
    Caro, any confirmation on your pregnancy? Many congratulations if it's official by now !!!
  24. sophie274
    I would like to say that termination is not an intrinsically selfish act. There are many many reasons a woman would choose to have one - some may be selfish, many are not. The fact is that you have to be willing to raise a child; it will not just raise itself. There are many women who decide to have terminations because it is the RIGHT decision for them, and they absolutely do not regret their decisions after the fact. I believe several women on this board have been through with this and are very happy with their decisions. OP: I don't really know how to advise you for this (too young!), but if you do decide to keep the pregnancy you will have to be ready to be a single mother. Definitely take plenty of time to think about this and think about how you would feel in each case. Lots of hugs and support your way - this must be a very tough time for you.
  25. sophie274
    I don't think other people will think you're a loser. I bet his friends would LOVE to get hit on in class anyway, and would be jealous if anything. You don't have to be really flirtatious. You could just make a little comment about the class, introduce yourself, make a bit of small talk. Then maybe you could add him as a facebook friend and ask him out, or just do it in person once you're more comfortable. You might also see him somewhere else on campus and hang out with him then.
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