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Beyondthesea

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Everything posted by Beyondthesea

  1. Beyondthesea
    Agreed 100% with Balbina. If you give off the "I hate myself!" vibe, that is what people respond to. I am going to tell you this...I am an average looking girl. I'm a bit overweight, I'm hardly a supermodel, BUT...I love myself. I love myself up and down and inside out. I love my mind, my body and my soul. So when I was single, men were instantly attracted to me. Personality and who you really are inside shines brighter than anything you can imagine. Get to love you, and others can't help but follow your example...
  2. Beyondthesea
    P.S. I know your situation, I've been there myself. It was horrible! I didn't know what to do. He said he had to talk to me as he had no one else. Well, everytime he talked to me, all that would happen was the blame game would start, manipulation would start, and I'd get off the phone feeling insane and waves of pain and guilt would hit me over and over again. Yeah. Nope. Not the way to go. If I had to deal with it again, I would have done 100% no contact immediately.
  3. Beyondthesea
    I just read through this post and wow this guy has been nasty to you Anna! You made the right decision walking. Just be glad you only wasted 6 months with him rather than like me...I wasted 7 years with someone like that. My ex was always on myspace, putting ads on dating sites, talking to his ex, and somehow it was all my fault for not being more understanding. Ummmmm yeeeeaaahhh. You really need to go cold turkey on this guy. 100% no contact is the way to go with someone who changes back and forth. When they are always so moody and then suddenly nice, it's very hard to realize what is actually going on. You are on a rollercoaster ride with no way to get off. When you distance yourself from him, the situation and really sort things out, you will see he was not the one for you...just a stepping stone to something better.
  4. Beyondthesea
    Honey go read that article. You are feeling guilty because he has manipulated you and you are confused now that you are 'free.' You have no reason to be dealing with him or his issues. That is something he has to deal with himself. 100% no contact. Change your phone number and email address if you have to. I had to do that, and even had to change the locks on my place. When you're dealing with someone manipulative, it's not as easy as walking away from a normal relationship. They find ways to get to you, the way he is doing now. Every time you talk to him is another chance for him to manipulate you. Do not talk to him anymore, do not deal with him anymore. As soon as you do this, within about 2 weeks you will feel like a different person, I promise you. I truly believe you should go for a few counseling sessions to sort things out...
  5. Beyondthesea
    Sorry, no contact is the way to go. This episode demonstrates you are not ready to be friends with one another. Do NOT contact him or talk to him anymore...this relationship is over darling.
  6. Beyondthesea
    I have heard it before. I want to just run to him and help him. But i cant. i have done so many times. Nothing changes. he always wants one more chance. I've been there too, with all the presents and promises as well, and you know what? You've answered your own question...he never changes. It sounds like he is abusive to you actually...defensive and angry, then great. He has you on a rollercoaster and that's why you are so confused and wanting to reconsider. If you ever have to make excuses for someone else's behavior, it's them who has the problem, not you. link removed Go to "articles" then read "identifying losers in relationships." This is actually a valid site maintained and created by a psychologist. Go and read that article and be safe
  7. Beyondthesea
    If you are feeling tired a lot, you should actually be seen by a doctor. Go and have your thyroid and iron levels checked. Certainly poor lifestyle can contribute, but it can definitely be something physical that's the problem. I recently went to the doctor because of this and found out my iron levels were slightly lower than normal. Slightly lower and I'm in bed by 8 every night, when I used to be up until midnight! Overall, go and be checked over.
  8. Beyondthesea
    Hi sweetie, After being in an emotionally abusive relationship, it really does help to go to counseling. You are left with false beliefs, and are normally very confused about boundaries, relationship ideas, etc. Going to counseling will help you sort through these feelings and get back on the right track Trust me, I've been there. It saved me!
  9. Beyondthesea
    I actually can't believe this post is still going darling. It's been since September, so you've waited around another 6 months now... If he is still giving the "I'm not sure" speech, it's time to walk.
  10. Beyondthesea
    Although it's rare, I really do believe some people 'just know.' My fiance's aunt/uncle met each other (keep in mind this was 20 years ago) and were married within a week. They are still married, very happy and are the nicest people in the world. Now that's rare. My fiance & I were dating nearly a year then he popped the question. We both knew right away that this was right for us. Our relationship is wonderful and we compliment each other splendidly. I know this sounds crazy, but we knew right away that we were going to be married. He brought it up within a month of dating, and I was shocked. I didn't think men could be like that. But I wasn't afraid and neither was he. Sometimes, you just 'know.'
  11. Beyondthesea
    If I hadn't read that article, I think I still would be in an abusive relationship. I just got so 'used to it' that it was like my life was 'supposed to be that way.' I know it's crazy. Looking back on it now, it is amazing to me that I am here! Trust me, there's no reason to stay with someone abusive. I left the abusive jerk, and now am engaged to a man that every woman dreams of. Life doesn't have to be that way!
  12. Beyondthesea
    I agree 100%. I paid off all my student loans before moving out of my parent's house, and it was the smartest thing I ever did.
  13. Beyondthesea
    Why don't you just talk to him about it? There's nothing wrong with being upset so long as in the end something good has come of it.
  14. Beyondthesea
    The older I get, the more I am positive that every single human being feels alone...it's like the human condition or something. There have been times in my life that I overflowed in my social life...and still felt completely alone. I have found that the answer to this is to love myself more, and get to know me more. I think fulfillment, love and all that good stuff comes from within I know I can always rely on me, that's the truth. So instead of spending an obscene amount of time trying to be a perfect friend to others, i've learned to be the perfect friend to me and still have a social life.
  15. Beyondthesea
    I dont need the incentive to leave. I need one to stay away and not go through this again. Honey you have your own incentives right there. Why on Earth do you think you deserve this treatment? I know you really don't want to hear this, but this is relationship addiction. I know, I was there too. It's NOT LOVE. The highs and lows you feel are just that, highs and lows, that isn't love. Someone who loves you will NEVER, EVER lay a hand on you, EVER. I learned that the hard way, and you are too unfortunately. The incentives are this: Happiness Joy Love Freedom - this is something you can hardly believe you have. Within a week of being away from him, suddenly you'll 'come to your senses.' He has you brainwashed into thinking his actions are even remotely validated. Stay far, far away AND tell people what has happened. That keeps you away, 100%. There is no reason to endure this again. You are making the choice.
  16. Beyondthesea
    Personally I would make a 'mental deadline' and then stick with it. If he hasn't proposed by ____________, then the relationship is done. There's no point in waiting 7 years when you've already been with him for 6! Have you ever read "He's just not that into you." ? I know it sounds harsh, but it gives a lot of good, solid advice about this situation that would really help you.
  17. Beyondthesea
    Pam you are so strong and have influenced so many people with your actions! Remind yourself of your strength, and start focusing on the things you want in your new life It will be alright
  18. Beyondthesea
    Well you certainly have every right to walk. There's no point in staying with someone who has no ambition, no money, and no future. I would definitely break it off, especially since you've been through this before. The past is the best predictor of the future!
  19. Beyondthesea
    So if everyone is wrong and you are right, why is this discussion even open any longer? You have made up your mind. I think this is just a 'flamer' post.
  20. Beyondthesea
    You don't love her, it's that simple. If you look in your heart, you know we're right.
  21. Beyondthesea
    My fiance always calls when he says he will. he always calls when he's going to be even 1/2 hour late. There's no reason they can't pick up the phone. It's a choice not to.
  22. Beyondthesea
    My fiance makes over double what I do every year. When he asked me to marry him, I immediately asked him if he wanted to sign a pre-nup agreement to protect himself just in case. HE SAID NO. That is real love. He trusts me enough to know that I would never cheat, I would never deceive him, and I have enough of a soul not to 'take him to the cleaners' if anything happened between us. I read through all the opinions on here, and I want to say this... I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for a pre-nup, but I do think there is something wrong with the attitude you are portraying. I feel like you are saying "my money is the most important thing in my life" and that's what the fuss is about. If you really love someone with all your heart, you are also taking a risk. That's a given. But you are always risking something in every move you make in life. Good luck.
  23. Beyondthesea
    Hi, I just wanted to say that not everyone 'just knows.' I did, but I am very, very lucky and it's probably quite rare. Make an educated decision, not one based solely on your heart.
  24. Beyondthesea
    There's something up in Canada called COLD-FX, have you ever heard of it down there? There's tons of studies confirming it works, and it does. People here take them like candies and never catch a cold! Personally what I do is take two garlic pills twice per day, and that keeps your immunity high. It also prevents yeast infections with mega power. I've 'missed out' on a bought of flu and a few bad colds in the past few month this way. Definitely try it.
  25. Beyondthesea
    I am also an obsessive worrier about my fiance. It's really debiliating, and no one who isn't that way can really understand I don't think. What I do to calm myself is sit and listen to calming music with my eyes closed for a bit, then visualize. Visualize your boyfriend doing whatever you are worried about and then ending up safe, etc. Gently guide your thoughts away if they become worrisome. This does work, it really does. It's kept me sane for many a year
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