choccocat
-
Posts
23 -
Joined
choccocat's Achievements
-
Thanks for that. I agree with you. I have really been making the effort to sort out things to do. We like going to see bands which I have been sorting out, it is fun and it does pick things up a lot. I am willing to keep doing this, but I think you have made me think that I need to search a little harder and find some other things we could do together. Cheers.
-
This is my original story here We are still together although it feels so bad right now. I am feeling so hopeless. I feel he is hanging on until our 15 year old leaves for university. I hate the way it is always me approaching him for a kiss (apart from when he leaves for work), or a cuddle. I don't do this very often as it makes me sad that it seems like he is just going through the motions. I would really love some affection, just to sit there and hold hands, something little. Our plan was that when the youngest went to uni we were going to move somewhere near the sea. This talk has now been left, although we do still talk about leaving here just not specifically where we would like to be. So confusing! I discovered the other day that he has been looking at small video clips on google video of so called 'sexy' women. Not naked but wearing thongs etc... I feel really betrayed. I know that the pics are not porn but I just feel all of those feelings about betrayal. Do I have a right to feel this way or am I being dramatic. I don't really have a problem about porn generally, but think I feel this way because of the state I am in and he has never really shown much of an interest in the past at looking at stuff like that. I feel it is another indication that we are over. He has done this about 5 times in the last couple of months. I have gone back to not sleeping and being really down. This is hard after having a pretty nice summer where we went on a long holiday together. I do still believe he is suffering from depression as he can be miserable as sin, snappy and irritable, not only with me though, with others as well. He seems to be taking stock of everything in his life, friends, work etc... I am still being spineless about bringing the whole subject up, we are just carrying on as if everything was 'normal'. Our sex life has been pretty good (although that doesn't mean much, as someone else said on the forum, him and his wife were busy up to the end, she must have been stocking up for a drought! This made me smile!) as it has always been, although he used to be more affectionate in between times. One thing I have noted which may or may not mean much is that we used to have sex pretty much always at night but now he is only interested in the mornings. Sorry this has been so long, but it has already helped just by getting it out. I have noone to talk to about this. Cheers.
-
Sorry you are feeling this way. That must make you feel sad. But.... it seems a little rushed, if you guys have only been separated for 6 months and he is getting married already. Marry in haste repent at lesiure as the old saying goes. But let this news pass you by, you must be strong and and carry on moving forward. It doesn't matter if his life is going to be falling apart in a few months or not, it is important that you put yourself first and look forward to your life for you. Hugs.
-
Enjoy your eve. Good luck. I will be waiting for all those good vibes....and I will send some straight back to you. Shouldn't take long for them to return, I am in the UK as well. Cheers
-
Hi, I just wanted to say that even though I haven't posted in a while I feel like you are my good friends. I come here every day and read every post and keep up with what is going on. Short update. I have initiated a 'live in' version of NC. I only do things I want to do, when I want to do them. I stopped cuddling him in bed. I just got into bed each night turned my back on him and said 'night' and switched out the light. I don't ring him during the day anymore, we used to ring each other at lunch times to chat every day, now he is the one who rings me. Plus lots of other things I would have done before but no longer do them, but can't remember at this time. Things are working out very well. I am no longer sad and worn out, I still think about it and wonder about it all but I have learned from people on here that no matter how devastated I will be if he does decide to leave I will get over it. We are getting on really well, he cuddles me every night, we are talking about our future like holidays, etc... We are both coming accross as very positive. Also he has never been a romantic in any way. He doesn't buy flowers or things like that but since I have been feeling more positive he has brought me flowers and one day I came home from work after having a hard day and he had stuck a picture of my favorite tree on the front door (magnolia 'susan'), when I went in the house there were magnolia petals on the table and I looked out in the garden and there was the most lovely magnolia susan tree in a pot for me, around 6 ft tall in full bloom. It has really made me feel nice.
-
Even if I convinced him he needed something, he would want some alternative therapy. He doesn't like prescribed drugs. Perhaps I should slip him some st johns wort in his tea (joking).
-
No I go and park up somewhere, put on my tunes and blub. He would never admit to having depression, he just would not be able to see it in himself. If I suggested it was depression he would think I was nuts.
-
Hi all, I have found a place at last where I feel totally free to cry and rant. In the car!! When I feel all is too much I go for a drive and cry to my hearts content. It really helps. I have relaxed a lot since my last post, I am still taking things day by day. We are going on our holiday that is planned for July and we are also planning a holiday in August. I am absolutely certain that my partner is suffering with depression. He is showing so many of the signs. He has been unhappy in his work for quite a long time. He wants to change career but has no qualifications. He only wants to do outdoor work. He is a tree surgeon. I have tried to help him with this by suggesting things but he cant raise the enthusiasm and do them. He decided against applying for the job that was going to take him away from home for 60% of the time, he didn't give any reason. We are getting along a lot better than we were. We are having a laugh together and trying to get out and do more. We have been visiting friends and went to a couple of gigs. I don't know what the future holds for us but right now I am going to enjoy what I have. I am being myself and trying to look after myself. He is still there for me, he has been supporting me and coming to my hospital appointments and such. Wait and see. Even though I am more relaxed, I am still confused. Any ideas folks?
-
aida, I am so sorry you are going through this. It really is awful isn't it. I am scared as well. It is so difficult to process what is going on. You have found the right place here. You will get support from others. No one can fix this for us but it can help us get by. Big hugs to you.
-
Woah! Bad day today. Really hard, just need to get through. Tomorrow is another day!
-
Thank you for being so supportive. I really appreciate it. I know it must seem a little annoying for me to accept this situation (I know it does to me, I wish I was made of sterner stuff, but affairs of the heart can put you so down) but I don't see any other way of handling this. Cheers.
-
I think it is a good idea for me to get out and do some stuff on my own. I am trying to do things that I want to do. He went and visited a friend of his locally and I went to a friends for a little while as well. I was out when he got back but he didn't seem to notice at all. I am a cross between and and and ](*,) .
-
I am just doing what needs to be done. I am going to work (part time) I am doing household chores. Other times I just sit and read a book in the kitchen. If he chooses to go up to the lounge I don't follow him or anything like that. I am still trying to just be me. He is really good around the house as well. He does as much as me. He is applying for a new job just now. It will take him away from home for 60% of the time, so I suppose he is going by degrees. So confusing.
-
Hi all, Just thought I would update as to how things are going. I am so confused. I have been carrying on as normal as I can. This is really difficult as inside I am broken (I don't mean to sound like a drama queen here, its how it feels). He is talking about our holiday in July as this has been booked for ages. He is talking about our next visit to our daughters, I find this so hard as I know he is going to go but don't know when. I don't understand anymore. We are still sharing the same bed (apart from last night he got out of bed around 2.00 as neither of us could sleep and he couldn't get comfortable) which is nice in one way when I cuddle but makes me really upset in another because I am the one who cuddles. I feel like such a wimp by not doing anything about this but feel unable to take action. Please don't think bad of me. Thanks for all of your time.
-
After my bad day yesterday I have had a better day today. We spent the day just getting on. It was more like it was before Saturday, more relaxed. We are going to my daughters in the morning which I am looking forward to, I need to see the sea again, very relaxing. I am not brave enough to tell him to leave. I have decided to carry on being as I am and 'see what happens' (as if I need it spelling out!). I am so glad I found this place as I know it will be such a lot of support as the next weeks unfold. Thank you.