guilt_catharsis

I agree with the previous post that an intervention is needed; but, even then, you have to be willing to accept that he might not be willing to see and deal with his problem... The ONLY person you can change is YOURSELF; and, the best way to do that is by educating yourself about what you're up against in this relationship. The best way to do this is by going to Al-Anon and to open AA meetings. When dealing with alcoholics, things are often not only difficult but "backwards," as well. "Enabling" them can be the worst thing you can do "for" an alcoholic, since it only helps them to perpetuate their denial. Helping "their bottom" to conk them right between the eyes, while they still have some semblence of a life left, can be the kindest thing you can do for them, even though they'll probably hate you for it at the time... The best of luck to -- if you stay in this relationship, you're gonna' need it.....

You might try showing her my web site and telling her that you feel badly enough about having hurt her that all she has to do is "say the word" and you'll contact me about going through the guilt expiation program I have. I'm not saying that I'd take you, even if you did; but, your making the offer to her would leave no room for doubt in her mind that your remorse is sincere... I can't promise that I'd turn you away if you did contact me; so, there WOULD have to be some real sincerity in your offer to her; but, I can tell you that normally, when I agree to take an infidelity related case, the people involved were already married at the time of the infidelity and that infidelity "had been consumated..." In any event, learn from the mistakes you made instead of allowing them to define you. Try to filter your interactions with people with question "If I were going to be personally experiencing the end results which this decision will have upon others, how would I decide???" With this filter in place, you generally won't get yourself on thin ice with yourself.