forward motion

I support that. I have a lot of input on this, but it's too late at night. One word though... Just give her the card with a friendly, caring smile, and go on the rest of the day, or week, knowing you did the right thing for you. Trust me, she will appreciate the gift more than you will ever believe. Take Care... Back with more later. Oh, and one more thing, Go and Enjoy your day after that. Don't spend all day on here discussing it. You're doing the right thing.

Coach, Why is it so rare? Is it because people fail to change the nature of the actions that originally ruined a once promising relationship? Or because people do not understand what the other truly wants, what makes them an attractive mate to that person? Just bringing up some suggestions. I'm learning myself. I've been reading a lot of communication books which really help to explain the roles each person plays to the other. Through my reading, I've uncovered that most people can not win back the "trust" of their ex-lover because they are too "needy", hence care too much about getting that person back, instead of just offering out of kindness of heart and expecting nothing in return, and never getting upset when things don't work out their way. That's very plainly said, and there's more to it than that, but understanding concepts like these has really helped me regain control of my thoughts and actions, be more exciting, and more effective at communicating - all very important factors to any type of success. Please add anything you'd like...

That's great news. Incidentally, for anyone reading this thread, In the original post I left a few really great phrases to adapt into your life, as you wish. Fundamental things that are important to everybody's success in life. Thanks.

That is a great analogy, Coach. My question is not an effort for mere validation. I'm just not seeing any posts about sheer success. It would be nice to read some, for everybody's sake. Then we could all benefit from that energy. -Best Regards

So, are there any success stories here? I see a lot of confusion and circling of topics, and utter frustration, and guessing. Has anyone actually been successful? It seems that every time somebody gets close to their goal, they revert back to their old, needy self... the unattractive one. It is possible that unsuccessful attempts come from the subconscious sabotage of your own progress. Maybe you don't really want it. Then again, emotional masochism is a normal human tendency, unfortunately. But you can overcome that. I learned that the best thing to do for yourself is to really know what you want, know how to get it, and go get it. Anything is possible, and everything is up to you. Well, mostly everything anyway. But this goes for everything in life... jobs, friends, material items, money. I am very analytical, and sometimes have to tell myself to shut up sometimes, and that sets me on track. BTW, being good and responsible to yourself is the first step toward anything, because you'll never be able to maintain anything if you can't maintain yourself. So, with that said, I'll ask again, are there any true success stories? I'd like to be enlightened if so.

I sent the card... got a text back thanking me, then a call the next day from her after her text message. I got nervous on the phone w/ her. We had a decent conversation but she was preoccupied so i cut it short suggesting that we talk another time and that i had a lot to talk about. She said shed call me back another time, and i said to call me during the week. What to make of this? Will I EVER hear from her again? DId I screw up by being nervous? Please read all my posts to get the whole story...

Please read post #20 before replying to this... it an update on what happened

well, she called me and i got nervous. I told her i was nervous talking to her. She said why and i said cuz i havnt spoken to her in a while. She was on her way somewhere and she got distracted so i told her that we can speak later. She said ill call you back. I said call me during the week. Then we said bye. Overall, we made small talk, and we spoke about a few nice things like the fact that i moved back down south last month (closer to her) and she mentioned her bf and so forth, but mostly she was calling to say thanks for the birthday card i sent. Funny thing is, she sent me a text message a day earlier to thank me, and i was going to respond to her in a day or two, but she called me first, and she even mentioned that she sent it, as if i didnt get it, or she was making sure i got it. Why was she so adamant about making sure i know she was appreciative? Does she still like me? At least as a person? And how bad was it that i told her i was a little nervous? Does she feel awkward now, and will never call me again?

Umm, I am moving on with my life. Its not like I am sitting here everyday doing nothing. I just graduated college, and I'm working and in the process of starting a business. I know there are a million women out there, I've dated three girls and had sex since i broke up with my ex. But remember also, she still called me for 8 months after the breakup. She didnt move on so fast. Anyway, of course i can get other girls. And i dont want her now, if thats not what she wants. But i would like to remain friends like she said she wanted to. Also, her bf is of no concern of mine. I dont care about him. She is just caught in the moment. I think all the bull * * * * about NC and stuff gets old, and ultimately people want to be cared about and appreciated. I messed up the relationship, first it was long distance anyway, and we made it last for 11 months like that. Now i live back close to her. I messed up the relationship by not being a caring boyfriend. I treated her without attention. I have spent an entire year focusing on changing myself. So its not like i am a lost puppy dog. But im not giong to lose myself, and not be a caring person and send a birthday card. After all, i should be able to tell her anything i want. And as for her bf, he wont be there for long. Let her get close. the closer she gets, the more shell realize that she doesnt like. And ill be the perfect one.

So if i send the card, i was just going to say... Hey, What's up? I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday! After all, 21st birthdays only happen once! Then sign my name. THats it Does that sound needy or desparate? It does bring closure for me for the moment at least. But not forever. I know theres still time for that. After all, if i dont send it, i may regret it. But i also know theres a chance i will feel powerful if i dont send it, but i also may feel powerful and confident if i do send it cuz its what i want. And i figure if i just send it and move along, at least i will be in her conscious thoughts. However, i'm wondering if its what she wants. I also know she may still have feelings for me. SHes probably just caught in the moment with her bf right now. Once something goes wrong there, she may come back, as long as i play it right. What do you think?

Also, does she really want me to move on? Or will she be upset if she knew i really moved on for good? See, i think she doesnt put effort into me is because she still knows she hasnt lost me. Maybe if she feels it for good, she will come around.

Oh, i cant believe all this cuz she even left me a flirtatious message on july 4th. And it seems when we are flirtatious on the phone, things are the best. But, i dunno what the hell happened in August after her hawaii trip. Everything changed. I seem to be a piece of dirt to her now. But see i need to know that i still matter to her, and channel that positive energy toward myself, and i'm sure she will eventually miss me again. Or am i just fooling myself? Oh, and for the record * * * * her ugly * * * boyfriend. He is * * * * to me! Sorry had to get that off my chest. I cant wait to get all this tension off my chest, and if things dont work out, eventually i will drop the A-Bomb of reality and honesty on her verbally. That would make me feel good. Sorry, im just really frustrated. More frustrated than sad. Frustrated because i know i can have her again. Maybe im frustrated at myself because i know it is not the right time for me to sweep her off her feet. But it will be again. I have believed this whole time that we are going to be together again. Doesnt believing get you there?

What about all those 8 months, when she was calling me all the time, and she was in a relationship with this guy. She told me that she misses the sex, even though she was supposedly with this guy. Whats that all about?. I cant see someone carrying that on for 8 months if there was nothing there. Is there a valid explanation? And what about myspace? She has me on her friends list and shes on mine, at her request. SHould i remove her from my list and ignore her? Will she eventually miss me? YOu see all this is so contradictory to what people really want. Everybody likes attention and wants people to be nice to them. Doesnt that pay off in the long run, instead of being dishonest and acting tough? Wont that shine through eventually? Not sending a card because she didnt acknowledge my bday or graduation just means i am childish, i think. She did contact me around xmas, but didnt leave a message, and didnt return my call. Whatever. Well, i need to make a decision and stick with it. I just want to know that she still has feelings for me, and will miss me enough to call me at some point. Will there be anoother chance to get back together? or will she forget about me for good? At last resort, in a few months, when im ready to make it or break it for good. Can i contact her to say everything thats on my mind. Id want to do this in person . So if i have to ill just show up at her house. Then ill just say goodbye, and never look back. It may seem crazy, but i just feel strung along, and i want the final word. I owe that to myself.

What about sending it, just cuz i want to? I really dont care what her response is. She couldnt be mad if i sent it, could she? Well, I think that not sending it ONLY because she has not contacted me shows that im hurt as well. Dont you think it will show i am a grown man? Why hold petty actions against her? Besides just sending the card... what about the other stuff? Was she lying to me for 8 months. Does she not care at all? Or does she care, but is just involved in her relationship right now? After all, if thats going well, why would she sabotage it or end it. She may still love me but shes caught in the moment. Am I being blind? What do you think? Do you think she still may have feelings for me, and that i can get her back still? Or is it too late?

My girlfriend and I broke up 13 months ago. It was long distance from the beginning (4 hrs away). I was attending college. I met her while I was visiting home. We did very good at seeing each other on average every two weeks. We both felt very special about each other, but we started to argue a lot after a few months. We were together for 11 months total. She would come visit me, and when I came down to visit her we styed at my parents house. We became close with each others families. But the distance was hard. Anyway, I became stubborn because I was frustrated, and didnt give her the proper attention, and we fought more. My friends were poor influences on me, and I dont think i was ready for that serious relationship yet. But I really liked her as a person, and even loved her. The distance was hard, we fought and she eventually broke up with me. She started dating immediately and is still with this person. However, she called me every week, and sent text messages mixed in too, for 8 months after we broke up. All the way through August. We even saw exh other once about 4 months after we broke up, when i was visiting my parents, and she said she missed me. For a while after we broke up, she missed me, said she missed the sex, and my family, and reminded me about good things. Now, I wanted her back all this time, although i was dating other people. She was always concerned about that, and always asked if the girls were prettier, and she would alwways be concerned about them, and sometimes told me that her new bf wasnt so great, and other times she told me he was great. Well, I also admitted everyhting i did was wrong, and that our breakup was my fault, and she was right to move on to somebody else. I never asked about her bf. The arguing stopped as soon as we broke up, cuz i realized i was wrong, and we talked every week or so for 8 months like i said. Then, in August, she wet to Hawaii, and before she left she called me, and we had a great, short conversation. About a week after i knew she got back, I called to see how her trip was. She called back a week later, and i missed her call, and we missed each others calls a couple of times, and never fell into contact with each other. I called her in October, left a very nice message, and she returned my call 5 days later. (at this point, i was wondering, cuz she would always return my calls promptly, but i didnt get upset). Well, I got nervous when i picked up, she was calm and asked good questions like what im going to do when i graduate, and i told her i graduate in december. SHe asked where i would be moving to, and i said back to home. She asked if i was in a serious relationship. I said no. She told me about how her bf took her on a cruise. Then i got nervous and brought up * * * * about how i thought she was a great person, and we got disconnected and didnt call each other back. I was playing hard to get kinda. Never heard from her on my BDay in November. Now, I sent a graduation card addressed to her parents, and they sent a Congratulations card to me on december 13. I never heard from her for my graduationWell, I never heard back, but I saw a missed call from her on December 20 at 11 a.m. I called her back that evening and left a message, just returning her call and for her to call me when she gets a chance. No return Call! So i called her on xmas eve to wish her merry xmas and left a message. Thats it. II havnt heard from her. Well, her birthday is coming in a week or so. I want to send a simple card. But im not sure if its right, or if it will push her away. I have no idea whats going on. Im sure she knows i graduated and have moved back. She always said that she never wanted to lose me. And it was fun talking to her even after our breakup. What the hell is going on? If i send the card will it help, or will it make things worse. Could she get mad for me not sending one, and forget about me forever? Does she still even like me? Is she just busy, and will i be on her mind again? Or does she never want to talk to me again? SHould i just relax, and know i will here from her again? I feel like a fool for believing her intentions were true. But i know positiveness is the key to success, and if i show im upset, it will only show im a hurt, upset person. AAnd noone wants someone like that.