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netman

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  1. netman
    Sweetypie is dead on (she seems to always know what she's talking about), but I would say that real amour's response should be taken if Sweetypie's suggestions fails. Once a woman loses interest or "sparks" it's pretty tough to get it back. I think that once you accept this, you should put the breaks on the relationship real quick. Some guys (maybe most) in this situation would smother their girl and do everything (gifts, constant calls, surprise visits, etc) to try to win their girl back. I find that this actually turns women off, and if the girl stays with the guy she'll do it out of sympathy and she'll always have the upper hand in the relationship from then on. The guy (if he ever comes down from Cloud 9) will eventually realize that he lost all control of the relationship and he'll become unhappy with the situation, and he'll only have himself to blame. If you care about her that much, then give her a little time alone to figure things out on her own. Maybe she'll realize how much of a loss it would be if you guys broke up and she'll come back strong to save the relationship. Maybe the time could help you realize what you've been doing wrong, or what you could have done differently. I find that if you give a woman the impression that you'll tolerate anything and that you'll stick around no matter what, she'll lose respect for you and may run all over you. Could it be that this has been brewing and you just didn't realize it? Have you guys had problems in the past?
  2. netman
    Some of you know my story, and this forum has been my best help in suppressing my jealous thoughts, and I've been doing great until today. Today my g/f starts her first day of the new semester back at her college. My g/f is really good looking, and I know for a fact that she'll be one of the best looking girls in all of her classes. I trust my g/f and everything else, but I can't help but think of when I was in college and I was gawking and staring at all the cute girls in class, and trying to start up conversations with the cute girls to test the waters and stuff. I can't get this picture out of my head of all these guys with their hormones out of wack gawking at her, or trying to approach her in class, or in the hallways, or in the lunch room, or in the bookstore. UGGGHHH!!!! These thoughts have been bugging me since I woke up this morning and I can't stop thinking about it. I was doing so good until today I know that some of you guys might say that as long as I trust her I shouldn't be worrying and having this problem, but I can't help it and trusting her 100% doesn't seem to be enough. Anybody out there have any words that could help? Thanks!!!
  3. netman
    Don't get upset. Maybe she just can't tell her parents anything further. Think about it. If she told her parents that she liked you (if that's the case anyway), you think they'd still let you come over the house, or let her come over your house? Maybe not. Don't read too much into that.
  4. netman
    Young puppy love. I love it!!!! I like DREAM's suggestion.
  5. netman
    I have 5 grown sisters, so I could almost say for sure that I know that there is no significance whatsoever to a female having a ring on her middle finger. Maybe in another country, but not here. I don't think so.
  6. netman
    Hey, I know how you feel, but you really have to go with your gut feeling. I remember this wonderful girl I was with some years back. She had a minor rep of being a little promiscuous, so I never saw us going anywhere passed just dating. This girl treated me like gold, but I never took her serious just because of her past. She never became my official g/f, but at least I enjoyed the time that I spent with her. Don't just dump her just because of her rep and because of what you may have heard about her. Keep dating and stuff, but just take things sloooooooooooooow. Who knows, you guys may end up having a great relationship.
  7. netman
    I'm sorry that this is happening to you. I've been in a similar situation before, so I know how hurt you must feel to be going through this. In your head you accepted the fact that she slept with this co-worker of hers when you guys were on a "break". She's clearly taking you for a softy nice guy. You may be ok with chasing her around, and accepting these things just because you love her, but you're suffering for it. From what you've described, it seems that she doesn't have respect for you. Let's say fine, she admitted what she did with the co-worker, you accepted it and you guys have moved on. But he's calling her house, and she's telling him that she misses him?!?!?! Major red flash, dude. You sound like a great guy; you deserve way better than that. To be successful and happy with women, sometimes you have break the fear of losing the girl, and you have to be a man and not stand to be disrespected. I'm telling you, it makes a world of difference when a girl knows that you'll leave her without a doubt if things are really bad. The girl will definitely try to prove herself more, as opposed to just taking it for granted because she knows that you aren't going anywhere, which seems to describe your situation. You're probably thinking that you don't want to lose what you DO have that's good, but you're definitely going to get tired of the treatment and she's going to take advantage of you until she takes your heart and shrivels it to little unrecoverable pieces. If you stay with her, that's exactly what's going to happen. Don't negotiate with her. The signs are clear. Do yourself a favor and just let it go. Maybe some good will come out of it though. Maybe she'll realize what she's potentially losing and she'll turn it around. Good luck and keep us updated...
  8. netman
    Man, it's so hard to decipher women that it really depends on the girl. BE CLEAR, just because she's friendly with you doesn't mean she wants to have something with you. Some girls are just extra friendly, and it's very easy sometimes for us guy to take it the wrong way. It's a possiblitly that she does like you, and maybe she flirts with you because she doesn't have respect for her boyfriend. But if you "got" with her, what makes you think that she'll have respect for you? Some women are scandolous, no matter how you perceive them to be. Not ALL but some. In my opinion, I'd keep being nice to her but don't pursue anything with her until you know for sure that her relationship with her b/f is through.
  9. netman
    CopperKitten, you should be proud of yourself for reaching out for help. Not too many people have to courage to admit that they have a problem, and actually do something about it. You're definitely on the right track to bettering yourself. I see that you really love this man, and that this jealousy disease is hurting this otherwise wonderful relationship. You have to learn though that jealousy is your problem not his. You mentioned that you were mad at him for not helping you with your problem. It's one thing for him to be understanding and considerate of your jealousy, but you can't blame him for you getting jealous for him being himself. It's something that YOU have to work on deep inside of you. Listen to Sabena, and take the time to search through all of her posts. I remember reading her posts when she was first going through the awful jealousy stages until she finally lost the love of her life. It was hard reading about the pain she was going through, and her coping after she lost her b/f. But now, to read her posts of having her b/f come back and her changing her jealous ways proves that there's definitely hope of change for people like you. I'm so happy for her, and maybe it was good for her to go through that pain, in a good way though. It's like the cliche, you have to hit rockbottom before you hit the top. I'm sure that her relationship is going to be better than ever now. But you don't have to lose YOUR b/f to learn this valuable lesson. I too read that book "Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness" by Paul A Hauck and it really helped me tremendously. I even posted a topic on the book. This book could be YOUR start on changing your life around and helping your relationship. Hope this helps. Good luck!!!! link removed
  10. netman
    Man, if that's the case then the end MAY be near. It would upset me if after some time, my g/f changed on me after moving in with me. Sounds to me like she's losing interest in you. Maybe you've been smothering her, and you didn't realize it because she more than likely showed you signs that she was enjoying it. I definitely think you guys moved too fast, moving in with each other after a short period of time. You guys moved in when you 2 were probably still in the "honeymoon" phase. I think you should pull back a little, maybe move out like you suggested or just try to be less smothering and clingy. Maybe you've become too emotionally attached and dependent on her, and you just don't realize it. It's ok if you don't, since it's hard to pick up on it when you're in the inside. Don't feel bad about that though. I'm going through a time right now where I think that I'm too emotionally attached to my g/f, but I just don't smother her and stuff. It's more like the attachment just affects my feelings and thoughts more than my actions. Anyhow, talk to her and hopefully you guys can put all the cards on the table. If indeed she has lost interest in you, than you SHOULD pull back and move out. You really shouldn't be with someone who's lost interest in you. If you do, you may be happy in the short term, but in the long term you'll eventually feel trapped and miserable, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself. On the other hand, maybe a good talk will help you realize that you're probably reading too much into her actions and you're misinterpreting her actions. If it does work out, try not to spend ALL your free time together. Go out with the fellas sometimes. Spend time with your family or whatever. Good luck and I hope this helps.
  11. netman
    I love my g/f, but one thing that bugs me is that she always thinks that she's right, no matter what we discuss or argue about. I used to just let it go, but now I find myself arguing more and more just to get a compromise. She'll never say, "ok, maybe you're right" just to humor me. It's as if she HAS to be right about EVERY damn thing, and it's if her opinions about things are facts, so you can't argue with her "facts". For ME, it's easier to say, "ok, maybe you're right" and just let it go, but I'm tired of doing that. It's really annoying me already!! Any ideas?
  12. netman
    Excellent replies!!! I'm so glad that there ARE people out there that understand that these are deep rooted feelings and emotions, and not acts of stupidy. So true Princess!! Sometimes I try to talk to my best friend about these kinds of things, and he thinks that I'm overreacting and he sees no logic in how I'm feeling. But I try to explain to him that this is all beyond logic, these are emotions. I don't "choose" to think this way, that's just the way it is. I've also read books on jealousy (which have helped tremendously) and I read through the posts here day in and day out to see what other people in similar situations are doing to "correct" themselves, or what they do to better handle these thoughts and emotions. This forum has been a blessing to me, and all you people out there that actually care to read my posts and send replies and PMs help me to get through these times. If it wasn't for this outlet to post my thoughts and questions, I think I would have driven my g/f nuts already with discussion after discussion after discussion. She's understanding, but like any human being, she'll eventually grow tired of talking about the same thing over and over again.
  13. netman
    Sweetypie, thank you sooooo much for your kind words, and I'm glad that you can really see between the lines. One thing I definitely don't do is accuse her of things. I remember early on in the relationship, I did find myself questioning everything she did, like "who were you on the phone with" and stuff like that, but never in the accusing kind of way like, "I know you were talking with another guy". Then I realized that I was feeding my insecurities in the same way as when I was with my ex who cheated on me. I thought that I had to do these things to protect my heart, since I always blamed myself for my ex cheating on me. Now I know better. My g/f and I have had deep conversations about this subject, and she's been so understanding, and I've done a 360 change. I never question her at all anymore, and I almost never display my jealousy. I told myself that if I trust her 100%, then there's no need for all that questioning and stuff. The only thing is that the actions of jealousy are squelched but the emotional attachment that comes with those thoughts have not gone away. It's not that I think she's going to leave me or someone's going to steal her away. It feels like some deeply integrated automatic emotions that I only felt with the only other love in my life, which is the same girl that cheated on me. I just can't escape the thoughts of looking at her actions on a minute by minute basis almost and judging what it means in terms of our relationship. This all may sound weird, but this is the best that I can put it into words.
  14. netman
    I don't know why, but I think I'm too emotionally attached to my g/f. Don't get me wrong. I'm not the typical "nice guy" who lets their g/f run all over them. I'm very confident and I've been through so much in my life that I know myself enough to never beg a woman to stay with me, nor will I stay with a woman who is losing interest in me. I believe I'm a very conscious person when it comes to stuff like that. Anyhow, I'm beginning to think that a lot of the issues that I have with my current g/f are related to me being too emotionally attached, which includes being jealous and over protective at times. I notice that I base a lot of my happiness on her. For example, if I call her and she doesn't sound to be in a good mood for whatever reason, I tend to think that she's sad because she's not happy with me, then my insecurities kick in and my mood becomes sad. Then she'll call me later in the day, with "I love you so much" and stuff like that, then I feel better. I know for a fact that she's very happy with me, and she reassures me everyday, but I can't help thinking this way everytime we speak and this happens. And if we have a small argument, it tends to ruin my mood and gets me privately sad, but her, she can very easily let it go, and be happy again very quickly. I wish I could do that!! I wish I could change myself to be that way!! Also, when we're at a social gathering, or in a restaurant or wherever, I tend to only focus on what she's doing, who she's looking at, who she's talking to and who's looking at her, and stuff like that. I get myself sick sometimes!!! I know that I definitely read into her actions a little too much because of my emotional attachment, and this makes my imagination go wild sometimes, and again it fuels my insecurities and jealousy for no good reason at all. How can I pull back a little on my emotional attachment without losing interest in the relationship?
  15. netman
    You think she's going back to you because she "loves" you? No way. She's trying to take advantage of your kindness. And she's pregnant? Talk about baggage!! Yes, you may have strong feelings for her, but do you really want to put yourself through hell because of her mistakes? And she's left you once. What's makes you think that she won't do it again once she's back on her feet. Don't ruin your life because you love her. You're going to deeply regret it one day. She has the upper hand on you and she's trying to take you for a fool, and she always will if you take her back. I seriously hope you do the right thing. Don't lose your identity and sanity because you "love her".
  16. netman
    I think everyone should allow themselves to love at least once, preferably when they're younger. To love and be loved, then to have it taken away is the painful experience in life that truly makes you a stronger person and probably is the #1 cause of your first loss of innocence. Very painful, but a great lesson in life and love.....
  17. netman
    Wow, that's really tough. He definitely needs your support more than ever right now. Definitely write to him as much as you can. Writing letters is a great way to put on paper your feelings for someone. Make sure you keep yourself busy, and surround yourself with supportive friends. Hope all turns out well for him.
  18. netman
    Of course you should always do what's best for you, but if you don't have the money to pay your rent, should you rob your neighbor to get the money because it's "best for you"? Of course not. Reading your post was like asking for "how do" advice on committing a crime. Are you kidding me? A marriage is a 2 way commitment, so it's not just what's best for you anymore, it's what's best for the marriage. I know your husband is not doing you right, but cheating is not the way to go.
  19. netman
    I don't believe this. You want advice on how to cheat on your husband with his friend?!?!?! If you're not happy with your husband, why don't you try to improve the marriage or just dump him and you could be with any man you want? Do you love your husband? If you're thinking about cheating on him with his friend no less then you obviously don't have respect for him. You should really decide what you really want, a husband, or a friend with "benefits" but I don't advise having both at the same time.
  20. netman
    Forget the mistress or the friend with "benefits". Is this someone you're considering spending the rest of your life with? I'm trying to picture how fun it would be to finish myself off in the toilet for the next 30 years. My g/f is not the best I ever had, but she tries to please me just as I try to please her. It's kind of hard dumping someone over sex, but come on. How much longer can you stand that? ----
  21. netman
    Honestly, finding gay porn is pretty questionable. All men look at porn, but I don't know one straight man who'd stand looking at 2 men go at it for more than 2 seconds. You guys are talking about having a future together so you have to know the truth before you come home one day and find him with the milkman!!! Bad joke, but I suggest that instead of letting your imagination run wild, do what SAM suggested and just confront him about "porn" that you fouind. Maybe there is a good explanation for it. And if he doesn't mention the fact that it's "gay" porn, then you should definitely ask. Again, this could be your future husband so all cards have to be put out on the table.
  22. netman
    Thank you all for your replies. Getting women's perspective on this really helps. I especially like Winkie's and Babycristy's responses; very helpful. Any guys out there going through the same thing with their g/f's or wives?
  23. netman
    Man, she sounds very sincere in this letter. This girl really loves you and wants to make it up to you, but again you have to ask yourself if you can last in that relationship knowing what you know. Like I mentioned before, I tried to stay with my ex and I tried to rebuild my trust in her, but I became a terrible person because of my jealousy and insecurities and I've never been the same since. You really have to look within yourself on this one. I think it's possible to rebound from this situation, but it's really up to you. So how did it go when you met up with her?
  24. netman
    Brokenangel, I have 2 opinions on this. First, you definitely do have insecurity issues, but I think you've already admitted to that, so you're definitely on your way to bettering yourself. It does sound a little extreme getting upset over your b/f not changing the channel when J. Lo or Mariah Carrey are on the TV. Second, I think that he's not showing you the respect that you deserve. But the same way you're working on your problem, your b/f should be making an effort to work on his. All guys look at porn regardless, but how obvious guys are about it depends on the individuals. For example, every since my g/f and I have gotten closer, I gradually slowed down looking at porn, and to be honest I hardly look at it as much anymore, but that's just me. It sounds to me like there's more issues in your relationship then just the subject of porn. Are there other things that you guys fight about? I think you mentioned that he looks at other girls too and you argue about these things to him repeatedly. Could it be the way you're expressing your feelings on all this? Do you yell at him? Do you give him attitude every day? Do you nag him about all this stuff? Do you accuse him of looking at the girls and maybe more than that? That's a major turn off. I think that any man that chooses porn over his g/f has some sort of addiction, whether he admits or not. He may not admit it, but you guys really have to open up the communication lines and drop all the cards on the table to clear the air. Something negative is bound to happen if you guys don't work on these things and I could see that you care about him, so definitely start by having a calm, mature conversation with him. Give him his space, and wait until he comes around. If he loves you, he'll take the time to think about the relationship and what he could do to make it better, even if the start is just to openly talk about all this. Good luck and keep us posted!!
  25. netman
    Markwood, I wish that I could meet your wife so that I could tell her how lucky she is to have a loving and caring husband like you. Not only did you change your ways for the good of the family and your marriage, you're having problems with your marriage and you're coming here for help. I bet you feel so under appreciated. I saw this crappy movie once, but one character in the movie said something that I'll never forget. "There's no progress without struggle." You have to do something drastic to have her wake up and shake her ass to do something. I really don't think she's cheating on you, but I think she is guilty of neglect in the worst way. I think that talking to her is useless at this point since you've tried that, so I would suggest that you really consider leaving and really mean it. It seems that you're more concerned about your kids then your personal happiness, which is admirable but you have to really, really think to yourself, "Can I live like this for the rest of my life?" I hate "tests", but one way she can prove her love to you is to agree to go to marriage counseling, and possibly individual counseling for her. You really sound like you have your head on straight and you have your priorities in order, but you're going to have to get cooperation from her. If she agrees, then she's proven her love to you. If she totally dismisses your suggestions, then that proves that she no longer is committed to your marriage. I usually don't read long postings, but yours hit me so much because me and my g/f are talking about marriage and your post had me thinking a lot about how I would handle this type of situation if it happened to me. I wish you the best of luck, and please keep me posted on your progress.
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