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About gal1989

  • Birthday 04/16/1989

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  1. Hi all!! About 2 years ago, I used to post in this thread all the time, I was so heartbroken about an ex (feel free to read my past posts via my profile) it really helped, back then I thought how would I EVER get over him! I hated but loved him at the same time, I was stuck in a rut, I was depressed, stayed in bed all the time, had no job and I was in a right mess. One day I just thought I am so much better then him! I loved and did the best I could, I am worth so much more! The days between sending him text messages or emails (to which he never replied to btw) became further apart and my last ever message to him said something like "i don't need to use someone as a rebound like you have (he got with someone else a few weeks after our year and a half relationship which hurt like hell!) I will find someone that treats me right and deserves me!" I never got back in touch since. That moment I realised and believed what I just said. I just want to say to you all that it will get better, I know, I used to hate it when people said that as I always wanted to fast forward to "being better" as I couldn't see myself ever being with anyone else again. What helped me was, about 6 months after the BU and being depressed and just existing, I started a course for unemployed young people and it was greati met people and it was a distraction! If your struggling, try and keep yourself busy and do things with the people that are in your life, don't do anything you don't want to do, I didn't have any one night stands that would have made me feel worse about myself, don't be afraid to admit if you don't want to (coz I hate it when people used to say "sleep with someone else!", that would never make me feel better). You will get there, and posting in this very thread all the stuff I wanted to text my ex really helped get it out!! I am now in a proper job, have a fantastic boyfriend, and the past relationship with my ex made me LEARN so much about myself! Made me learn about how to handle an argument properly and apologize - coz if you don't it festers hate over a long period, to not hold grudges and fall out over little things, that communication is vital but so is understanding. Made me realize what a bad relationships is! Ex never knew me, he never helped me through bad times, sulked all the time, never apologized, swore at me, we didn't have many interesting conversations (he spoke about work all time). I look back and think if I didn't go out with him and it didn't end, I wouldn't have learnt much. I wouldn't know what loosing someone feels like. My man, listens to me, I have anxiety so he tries to understand me so much, suggests ways to help me, he apologizes if anything ever happens, we rarely argue, we have so many interesting conversations about everything from DNA and science to travelling and making plans. What im saying to you all is learn and grow from your experience, you will find something better out there for you when you least expect it, tell yourself you deserve to be treated well because you do! Don't let people walk all over you because there is someone out there that won't, we let these things happen to us a lot of the time but we don't have to let it! You will look back on your greif and learn from it, after time it will stop hurting you I promise you. Be easy on yourselves xx
  2. So... its been pretty much exactly a year since we broke up and what, 7 and a half months since we last spoke. I have seen you three times. Why do we have to work on the same street. You were a few metres away from me each time. So close, but yet so so far away. We were so close once and now we are nothing but strangers, ghosts to each other. I tried to keep you, tried to fight for you, to convince you but you just did not want to know at all. You left me! Then you blocked me on fb, email, deleted me from your life. Got a new gf. So soon after, that made me feel so effing worthless. I have no idea why i feel sad and slightly heartbroke again recently. Its been a year now, this time last year i stayed in bed till 4pm, i didnt see daylight, it was autumn and it smelt like is does now outside like it did then. It brings back memories and feelings. It makes me feel sick. I went through old messages on my fb and i see that i am still "blocked". Not like i would even want to have a look on your facebook because it would knock me sick! Who i thought you were, you were not. What you did to her before me, you did to me. And you will probably do the same to her at some point. I think because its the same time of year that it all happened is why i feel like this. Im still lost i think. I havent met anybody, well ive met lots of people but i just cant let myself love again. It frightens me. If i thought YOU wouldnt leave me and you did, why wouldn't anybody else do the same thing I do not trust love, being with anybody still. Omg the break up with you has made me like this, i hav never been like this before I have not forgiven, but people say i should for my own sake, but how do i do that? I hate you and i have so much resentment for you, i cant imagine that ever going. I dont think like this half as much as i did last year but sometimes, this is how i feel, because i know deep down i still feel this. I just wish i had never met you. I wish that my sister and cousin didnt pursuade me to come out for your birthday because we would never have got together, and maybe now id be with someone who did not just completely dissappear. Anyway, i dont NEED you! I never did!! Ive actaully done a hell of a lot this year then what i did in all the time i was with you! Im learning to drive, im taking spanish lessons, ive been lake district walking and rowing, been to Ireland and got my OWN cup (seeing as though i did say to myself when i smashed the one you got me up from there that i would go and get my own!) i did a team work course with the fire service, i was in the newspaper a few times, i got a job out of 88 applicants, and best of all im going to new zealand next year and will be booking flights soon. So i hope your having a fantastic time doing the same thing that youve always done - act like a 50 year old miserable boring guy in *place* working till 7pm 5 days a week, going to the same pub every friday!, seeing you gf who live about 30 miles away! haha, i dont need you
  3. P**** I miss u so much today. I'm a lot better as its been nearly a month of NC. How can u do that? U told me before xmas that u would ring me over the hols said u wanted to, then one day I ask u to then u say "its not a good idea". What the hell!!?? hurt so much. But u would have NO IDEA how much I have been hurt because I never did that to u!!! I dont give up! I didn't want us to end I wonder if u think about me? Are u single and happy/miserable? Are u with her and happy/miserable?? Do u miss me? Do u hate me? Do u care *****??? U've gone. Just like that. I hate you for the hurt u caused. And I hate you for taking me for granted most of the time. Yet I still loved u. I wish I was over u. Wish I didn't meet u. Hope ur more miserable then I am!!!!!!!!!!!
  4. Mr bear I'm missing u so much today Miss you hugs so much It's like u don't exist and never did. It's like u were never in my life. It was pointless. I fell in love with you and then you left. I have been pining over you Dior 4 months, bot wanting to wake up, not wanting to do anything and wanting u so bad. I dont understand how u never told me how u felt when we broke up. U didn't even cry!!!!???? U didn't even sound or look emotional or sad. That was devastating to me coz its like u had planned it. Makes me feel sick, a worthless person, a fool. I was DO IN LOVE WITH YOU. When u wrote that letter bot long before we broke up u wrote "...even the not so great times were great because I knew I still had u besides me..." that in itself meant nothing. Because OBVIOUSLY they weren't great because u walked away!!! I can't believe (if!) your with her. She says things to u. She visited all the way from there to see u???? I hope u know how HEARTBROKEN u made me!!! Like everything u said was a lie. It was a lie. AND YOUR A LIAR!!! I do feel bad for whaaa I said in those last emails, but that was 3 months of emotion building up by I not giving me anything, not even a break up conversation face to face!!! I hate you!! U deserved what I said to u because its all true. U really really damaged my heart. I panic when I'm out thinking ill see u or what woupd I do of I did. I think u would blank me. And that would kill me. I hope I never bump into u. Well not at least until I'm over u. I still * * * * in love u so much tho. And miss u so much. Nothings fair and I don't gwt why u treated me like that
  5. Mr bear I still miss you so much ppl say they miss being in a relationship, but its YOU I miss Your in my dreams. I still don't believe I will ever meet anyone like u again. I feel sick thinking what you might be up to, and how I think you will never want to talk to me again how I believe that if I saw u in a pub ot something I think you would blank amd walk right past me. I hate it. It's devastating still. You've gone. And yet after 4 months I still think about u loads imagine seeing u, think every car that drives past is you. Thinking how you travelled all that way to go on a night out with her!!! makes me feel sick, sad, desparate, jelous and worthless. I loved you so much. I have lost you. Gone. It's like we never even met. What was the point in it??? There's ni trace of u in ly life. We don't have the same friends at all. I will never see you again I hate you for giving up after everything you said!!! You know what, u took e for granted more than anyone ever has!! U could easily not give me a kiss before u went to bed, u hardly snogged me (and when I went for one I felt like u pulled away/didn't want to all the time!!) U didn't because u thought "I can kiss her anytime..." "I can kiss her in the morning..." taken me for granted!! A weekend we had planned to do something for weeks u say "oh I have booked my car in for new parts on Saturday, we can't go, we'll have to go another time...." ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS?? And we never went (for anyone that reads this as we broke up!! - exactly my point of taking things forg granted they may not be there the week after!!) It was so easy for you to say and do that. That upset me so much because you blamed me for you booking ur car for that day!!! It was nothing to do with me!!! I loved you so much. I would never have dine that to you even if other ppl think ot is a small thing. Well u were like that all the time (incl hardly wanting to uave sex because u coupd "get it anytime") I didn't take u for granted as much as u did me. No way. I appreciated you so so much. I don't know why!!! Because you didn't give me half of what I gave you. I lost confidence. I felt like I was an annoying person. I felt u getting distant too. and xaring less. So I tried harder as I knew deep down I was loosing u to which you pulled away more. MAD. Why didn't YOU put more effort in too!!?? That was too hard for you. To tell me things and to open up. To tell me how beautiful my body is or how soft my skin is and how nice my boobs are, to be excited when we did things, to have passionate evenings in.... IT'S YOUR LOSS!! I hope you imagine how lucky the guy i settle down with is, how we have passionate loving sex, how he makes me breakfast in bed sometimes, how I tell him I live him, how I look at him how I used to look at you, how i would do anything for him and how me and him will grow old together. Bye
  6. I think about u so much still. I wonder what u think about me. If anything. Do u hate me? Do u think on a horrible person? I know u must know for a fact that I'm bot amd I said all that I said because it hurt so so much when u gave up. I tried to support you! I was there for ypu, I always had hope u would come back to me. I don't understand how, from day 1 of the break up u could cut off contact liked that. Ur a liar. Who didn't REALLY love me, who does that to someone they love? When there was still a chance we could have worked things out??? Ur a QUITTER and it will get u nowhere u will end up a lonely old man if u walk out when things r a bit tough!!! I miss you so much still. I see a mini and think its you. i see a van nd think its u. When I'm out in town I think I might vino into u or ull drive past. It males me feel sick and panicky, sad and distressed and desparate. I miss your family Why were u so anal?? So uptight??? So defensive??? U just couldn't let go of your pride!! U didn't want to have a laugh and give me a piggy back in the hotel grounds because there was a few ppl around?? U need to laugh!! And let yourself go!! Not my problem anyway. U were boring really. I couldn't be myself around u. I feared and was anxious avout even saying or doing certain things around u. U,seemed to have no... what's the word.... excitement in you at all!!! Ur gonna be happy aren't you when your in your 50s!! I hope one day you come running back to me so I can tell you where to go!!
  7. I had yet ANOTHER dream about u last night I'm sick of it. They're just horrible!!! I wish u knew how much u meant to me and how much i was in love with you. I woupd have done ANYTHING for you to save us. It's been nearly a week since the last text u sent. It makes me sick still having in my kind that your with her and how much more u like her then u did me, how she gets to have u and I don't I wish you knew.
  8. I had a horrible dream about u last night p I couldn't get any words put, I was trying to scream amd cry but I couldn't and u didn't know how I felt and y were right in front of me. It was like I wasn't there. Horrible. I've been Thu.king about u so so much today I hope u don't forget me, I hope u know that I am sorry for the mean things I said to you, u hope u contact me one day again. Atm I hope ur not with her, nd I hope u still think of me as I do u so much. I keep thinking about ur touch, your body and how beautiful u were. I really miss it everything reminds me of u, I can't even put the radio on still in case I hear songs that remind me of u which always seems to happen when I do be brave and put it on, u cane even bear to see someone in a utd shirt or watch even the tiniest clip of football because it reminds me of u. I can't look at a couple, and children without thinking of u and what we could have been if u didn't GIVE UP. I hope u REALLY realise what u lost. And what u had. And could have had. I don't want to stay in this country forever, or if I can't move country I am not staying living here forever, so I will be gone one day. That could have been with you but that wad your choice. I'm sure ull be happy forever staying where you are now with that job of yours you never shut up about. Good luck.
  9. Second time I've posted today my god I miss u smelly bear why did u give up??? Was I not worth it??? Ur a liar!!!!
  10. I miss you so much Mr. Bear I still am so hurt you gave up I tried so hard when we got back together to change things but you were just SO uncooperative. Even causing an argument with me because I wanted to take things slow and get to know each other again as to not cause arguements so soon. You obv were not willing or just did not understand at all what needed going to save us. I think you gave up already anyway. I think your feelings changed in the last few months of out RS as you just seemed different When we met up to reconcile I was so happy... I "knew" I could do this, but has so much doubt that you could/wanted to/believed * * * could. Well we could have if u believed we could. Why wad I so wrong to want to take things slow, get to "know each other" again, go on dates? You disc not understand yhat and because I didn't want to go for dinner at your parents that week we got back together, which imo is understandable because we were supposed to do something that day anyway but you were hungover....!!! So much for tryung to make things work out!! However I dint say anything to u about that then you said "oh well I have loads to do today like tidy my room amdv the bathroom and stuff..." u even said u only said that to hurt/annoy me because I didn't want to go to your mums!!! I wanted to be with YOU and chat about us and what we needed to do, look at counselling places and prices.... but no. We did Ho out vut I felt SO awkward... and all u spoke about was your job.... did u mention us??? Hardly.... u had these ideas about what u wanted to change in your career but bot us??? You looked grumpy and unhappy and I was supportive. You don't know thia but I was so upset that day. First you argued with me about dinner then didn't even seem interested in us. Why???????? U said that you would happily wake up next to me everyday forever and then u just gave up?? You know your temper is cr*p!!! U didn't make me feel special for ages. U didn't come to the doctors with me once when I needed you there. U changed. And tbh I hate you for that. I hate that I still felt and feel the same andc wanted to make it work so bad. But u DIDN'T. I hope she does the same to you.
  11. I can't understand how u have replaced me. Your a liar. U did not mean anything of what you said when we were together. It mages it worse for me looking your moving/moved on. I feel so much anger towards you now. I want to be such a cow to you. I hope she treats u rubbish. I hope u can last longer than 5 mins in bed for her. I hope u regret loosing me because u wre everything to me. I'm put off love for a long time now. I wish I never met u.
  12. I'm glad we had tht chat on Sunday. After everything being over text message. I never want to do that again with anyone!!! I'm certain you know that I never wanted to end it, you must know, I want to tell u again just in case you don't know. I have said "it was never over for me. I want you. I can't imagine ever being without you, I miss you so much. Why would u want to throw our love away. U were always the one for me. I will never stop loving you" surely u know? Even though I didn't say it the last time we met? I will never change your mind. But I hope you kbow that if you ever want to try again, get in touch. I know we argued a lot. Maybe one day I can grow out of this argumentative trait and ypu can too. I know lifes too short to argue but I can't help it. we just didn't match because you couldn't help it too. I now feel like.... NOW WHAT? I feel I have nothing really in my life, apart from yhe odd freinds I see. I have anxiety, no job, live at home, am stressed. I want to do so much but I am scared. Dont know why. I wanna go... skiing or climbing but I feel like I cant. You were my life. I always saw you. I won't ever forget you. I just wish I could get the thought that u will find someone else one day and be better with them then you were me. They get to touch you, kiss u and make love to you. I hope that I am over you by the time you do meet someone, I know that's selfish but I can't handle any more hurt and sadness. I'm sick of it. I need to be at peace with the BU. I don't want to think those thpughts about you. I have enough problems, u know like hating my boring empty life and anxiety. I wish I could get you out of my head. I'll always love you.
  13. I still moss you so so much. Even though we fought a lot I still thin you were always the one for me amd um finding it SO hard to move on CRY CRY. I cry at least once a day for you. I wish so so so so bad that things were different I really really do you were everytging to me, still are and I still want your children, your heart, your love and your life. I will never forget you I hope that one day we can grow and realize how petty fighting and arguing over stupid things is and stop it and maybe find each other again one day I can't imagine evet being with anyone else, I never met anyone liie yoy who I clicked with liie that ay the very start, on that bus, I felt like I known u a lifetime! I miss your jokes, your hair, your hands, your body, your kisses and cuddles, your warmth, your smell, your caringness. I miss your way, the way u walk, speak, dress, look at me... I love you with all ly heart and morr and always will
  14. Today I lost my virginity with a lad ive been with for 9 months. i love him and thats why i did it! there was one thing tho...... I CRIED! Has anybody else ever cried when they lost theirs?? it didnt hurt at all so thats not why, and im not sad because i lost it or anything like that! i think its because ive been with him for 9 months and its like "its finally happened sort of thing! like happiness! i cant explain it! (the sex only lasted like 4 mins but it doesnt matter lol) just wondered if anyone else has ever cried? and why? or am i the only one? lol and if you did, did u ever cry again when had sex with the person again after that? (coz i dont wanna cry again coz i was to emotional to carry on!!) thank you! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  15. Hey guys!! Rite as the title says.......me n my bf cant have sex........... Ive been with my boyfriend now for 6 months n i love him 2 pieces n he loves me. So far iv given him handjobs (no blow job) and hes fingered me and licked me out (not all in the same day btw!). We are really comfortable with each other BUT whenever we attempt to have sex.... it never happens ](*,) We do the whole foreplay and im always wet and i give him a quick handjob for a couple of minutes (just to make sure hes hard) and put the jonny on, but when he trys to enter me he cant. His hard-on keeps going down and when it cums bak on again he still cant get into me! Im a virgin but im not that tight!! He said to me today that he is self conchous about his penis (i thought so because i havent even seen it!! sounds impossible i no but i havnt!) But i dunno why that should stop it from happening! He said that we should try it in the dark, i agreed at the time but i know that its not a good idea because the only way to get over fears is to face them, so im going to say that to him. My basic question is guys is it easy to penatrate a girl? I mean do you ever have to use your own hand to put it in yourself even if its hard?? has this happened to anyone else?? thanks for ANY advice xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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