2lil2hurt

Im in a similar situation. But as someone going through it....my feeling is stay in NC, why open the doors for contact that may possibly be put through more pain (no response, false hope, you hear something you dont want to). If you feel like you can handle it then its up to you, but personally its all about preserving you and your happiness at this point. I actually got really good advice from someone I talk to....wait and see if that person contacts you, if they do (or even if they dont) you can wait a few days and then say I hope you had a nice holiday! That way its on your own time and conditions.

I am in the same situation as you and personally think thats a great response, it lets him know that you appreciate his concern but that for you to properly heal you can not be in contact with him. I have been told thats important to do this and take care of yourself in this stage. Good luck!

I am in a similiar situation and I just wanted to wish you lots of luck. Spend lots of time trying to take care of you. I agree with another poster that I wouldnt be surprised if he tried to come back one day. Not to give you false hope, but it seems to take some longer to realize what they had/lost then others. Hopefully, for you when he wants to come back its too late!

Thank you all for your responses. The relationship has been through alot and you are right he is selfish right now and does need to sort his life out. It is very difficult, while I am angry at him, I still feel like I want him to say lets sit down and talk. I know I can not sit here and count on that, I have been keeping busy, But like any other hurt person a part of me wants to believe that MAYBE one day he will think and say that. Isnt that a possibility for anyone!

So earlier in the day a friend called me saying she spoke to my ex: His words to her was sometimes he wishes he never met and at others he misses me like there is no tomorrow. Then he continues to say he loves me as a person but lost all of his love as a gf. Isnt a relationship eventually supposed to turn into a strong friendship? Then i get home and there is an email from him that reads this: Hey, I just wanted to say a few things. One, thank you so much for getting my camera back to me before the party. It means a lot to me.. Two, I just wanted to let you know that I haven't seen anyone else yet. Three, I really hope your doing well and you are OK. I hope your doing well in school and your not getting frustrated with it. You know your smart enough to pass any class. Have a great weekend, I'm sure you will be something sexy To me the email sounds a little flirty and very confusing. I have been keeping to no contact for 2 weeks now. Am i supposed to write back? He seems very confused to me, to say one thing to her and another to me unless I am reading into things. Someone please help....

Thanks for responding. I have a tracker added into my profile that lets me know who is looking. He looked 5 times today. Thats why i am so confused.

To sum things up about 3 weeks ago my bf of 21 months and I broke up. We are both 25 years old and basically he came up with the excuse that he had to figure his life out. I had a feeling that there was someone else and apparently I was somewhat right. It has been 2 weeks of no contact at all on my part. I received a short email from him a few days ago asking to return some stuff but that was it. My question is this.....I noticed he has been logging on and checking my space account. Is that normal behavior of someone who doesnt want to be with someone? Could it be that be not chasing him is making him curious? I know i still need time to sort my own feelings out, is no contact the right things to do? I do miss him but I dont want to persue anything, I want him to sort his feelings out and realize what he wants and if it is me then he needs to work to earn my trust and love back. Im just so confused!

Thank you for your responses. So when I mail everything back do I send it with a letter or just the stuff in a box? I feel so confused. I dont want to do the wrong thing.

Ok so my previous post slightly touched on our break up. This evening I received an email from him asking for a couple of things back that I have. He started asking for the digital camera, but whats weird is that he never wanted to carry or use it before. Then he asked for paintings that we bought together on our last vacation. My question is this......we have been in no contact for a lil less then 2 weeks. Could this be his way of contacting me or does this just mean it is over for good? I was planning on sending the stuff back eventually, but dont feel I owe him anything right now or that I should go out of my way to get things done on his timing. I did not respond to the email as of tonight...what should I do?

I do miss parts of him but I also wonder if its the idea of him cause we left off on bad terms. I almost feel like I dont even know who he is anymore cause his behavior came completely unexpected. How can i miss someone I dont even know?

I go to a holistic counselor to help move on from the pain. There is this group of remedy's by Bach that you can get in Mrs Greens (natural health food store) that helps alleviate some of the stress. I am trying a few one of them helps you to move on from injustices, one helps you to make decisions, one helps you seek a positive attitude. I didnt believe these would work at first but somehow they do take the edge off things. They are oils from flowers and all you have to do is put 2 drops in a glass of water and sip it. I would recomend this to anyone having a hard time!

Thank you for all your responses. I am not sitting here waiting for him, I have been going out and keeping busy. But it is very hard after being with him for so long. So much of me wants to believe that one day (regardless of wether i want him or not) he will realize that he made a HUGE mistake. I guess I just need more time!

I am going throught the exact same thing. I read your post and literally thought it was something I wrote. I have been seeking counseling to help myself cope. I am also doing the No contact thing. I was told that you need to work on yourself, this is actually the best kind of revenge you can get. Make yourself distracted, try to do things that will make your happy and take care of yourself. If what I have been told is true, then this is the best thing you can do and will make the person look at you in a different light 1) Why arent they grieving over me? 2) Look at how strong they are! Like you, I have been spending a lot of time crying, but I also realize is it worth it to want to be with a person that doesnt want to be with you? Maybe this man will realize what he lost and maybe he wont but in the end you will be a stronger person because of this. I know it is not easy to take advice since I too am hurting, but we deserve the best and whats meant to be will be!

Im not sure if I am posting in the right section but here I go..... I was with my bf for a little under 2 years. We lived together and for the most part had a great relationship. Of course like any other couple we had our arguments but we always seemed to get through them. We had just come back from a vacation in the DR when 4 days later we broke up. I didnt expect this at all, we took a couple of days apart and then spoke and decided to try and work things out. For the next month things were going well. We started to live apart and our relationship was finally improving - we had space to miss each other. I started to get suspicious of his behavior. To make a long story short...We spent last sat-sun together. We went out to dinner then to a club with friends and had a good night. The next day I decided I felt something was wrong and told him I couldnt do it anymore that either he had to commit or to let go. I wrote him a letter in which I explained my feelings as to where and why I was having all these feelings. Then we met up to talk and I gave him another letter saying that I would be willing to try if he was. Again we deided to just take some space to sort things out, both agreeing not to see other people. I got him to admit that while we were broken up he had met someone else. He told me that there was no interest. Low and behold I go to find out the next that he was hanging out with her. I dont understand why? He told me that his friends dont want to hear about our problems and she offered to listen. I think this is all BS, a girl doesnt come from NJ to NY to listen to a guy talk about his gf/ ex-gf. Then he told me he doesnt love me anymore...is it possible to just stop loving someone? Could it just be that he is using the girl as a distraction? Is it possible to go from one girl to another? I thought this individual was the person I was going to end up with. It hurts to be without him and since it literally just came out of nowhere is very confusing. I dont know what to think or expect. I know I shouldnt want him but i do. I want him to realize what we had. Fri evening I received an email from him saying that he was sorry and didnt mean for things to be like this. He also said that he told her that he didnt want to hang out alone and she wasnt welcomed in the apt. (I dont believe this) but I did not respond. He left off that who knows what would happen and I took this email as his way of holding onto me. I have been holding No contact since that date. I am hoping that if I sit back that he will miss me and come around. Am I doing the right thing? We are broken up, do I have a chance that he might come back? Sorry for the length but I am so confused, any advice is greatly appreciated!

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a year and a half. We found each either when neither of us were actually looking. We practically moved in together after several months of dating. For the most part things are usually good but when we fight they blow up. He has a problem with showing feelings and communicating. Recently we decided that we were gonna try sleeping apart a lil more in order to go back to the dating phase which we felt we just skipped. This decision came after a big fight. Well since that conversation I began sleep at my parents house about 2 nights a week but I guess that's not enough. Yesterday at work he went to do an interview. To make a long story short... The guy he interviewed was the guy his ex gf (of 4 years) cheated on him with. He called me after the interview to kinda say "it was ironic" and that the 2 were now in a relationship. I asked him if he was ok and if he wanted to talk about it as I know it can be hard to hear news like that. He swore up and down that he was ok and it didn't bother him. (He has trust issues: his past 2 gfs cheated on him, and the father left the mother for her best bf and at one point chose the gf over the sons) He came back from work and things were just tense. To make things worse I was very tense as I was doing school work that was just not phrased correctly. (I work 2 jobs and go to school- I think its ok to sometimes show stress with a busy schedule) We went in the bedroom for a second and then things blew up. We started talking about the closet (yes silly but it happened). We used to share this room length closet and then all of a sudden he monopolized the whole thing. He gave me a dresser but that wasn't helpful for storing my shoes, bags, dresses, etc. He started blowing up screaming that I wasn't getting any part of the closet, he liked things the way they were. I felt that he was being spoiled and selfish over a stupid subject and walked away. Meanwhile, I am the one who maintains the apt and does all the cleaning and laundry. I may not be there 7 nights a week but I am there most of the time. I dont know if I was asking for something I shouldn't but what is sharing a lil space with the one you love. Well he was supposed to help me get some work done and just stormed out the door to go wash his car. (My bf has a personality that is very selfish and spoiled. He thinks money controls happiness) When I tell him things should be 50/50 he blows up and says he will always get what he wants and when I ask what about what I want and compromising he goes if you don't like it then leave. After that I went downstairs with the idea of going back to my parents. I stopped to talk to him and he said that he couldn't take living together. I said fine then why didn't you just talk about it and he had no answer. But again, the previous 2 months had been perfect until this fight so why the change in feeling? Is it possible to go from practically living together to not and still have a relationship? It kind of makes me feel as if he doesn't want me as much. In the beginning, I would try to stay away several nights a week and by 7 pm every night he would call to get me to come over and of course I did. What makes this even more confusing is that the previous day we had gone out to a really nice dinner and shared a romantic night together. I do trust him but fights like this make me wonder if I should. I trust him with my feelings and he is that quick to throw them in my face when he was the aggressive one in the beginning. I am sorry for rambling and dont know if this makes sense but I am very confused and sad. I want to believe that things will change as I know there is more to him than this. We discussed couples therapy and he said he would go and a month later still nothing. He tells me he doesn't need help. I dont know wether to stay and try to make things work or if they even can. I know at this point I feel very uncomfortable at the apt as it seems a familiar place is now unfamiliar. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening.

but isnt it a bad sign if he doesnt call for so long? I would expect him to at least want to know how I am even if its a short call and even to finalize plans for new years eve. Im hoping this isnt his way of backing out on me

Hello everyone, So here is my dilemma.....my bf and I decided to take a break for a while to let tension between us go away. Yet we agreed we would still talk and maybe see each other once a week. Well, I havnt heard from him since monday When leaving him (after this decision was made we left with a hug and kiss and made the note that we would be together on new years. So why hasnt he called to ask about me or plans? Do I call him? I love him with all my heart and really want the relationship to work. I wrote before as to why we took this break....he is the kind of guy that doesnt know how to deal with issues or communicate. When something goes wrong he blows up and has to run away from his problems. But when things are good they are great. There is never a middle where things can just be ok or situations can be worked out. While it is not an excuse he has had a troubled past and I think he carries much hurt and anger because he keeps it bottled up inside. The hardest part of all this is that right before the fight that caused this we were being very affectionate with each other. Someone help!

Hello everyone. I need some advice......I have been dating this guy for one year as of dec 26. We started out having such a great relationship, traveling, hanging out with friends...the usual date stuff. Lately he has become very hurtful to me. He has this personality in which he just flips out. One minute things are fine but the second something upsets him he says he doesnt love me and immedietly jumps to breaking up. He says some things that are very hurtful and never apologizes. Not that this is an excuse....but he has a messed up past his parents went through a traumatic divorce (involved cheating) and his past 2 exs have cheated on him. Christmas night we were supposed to hang out and well his friend decided that he was just going to come over. Well his friend came and his personality changed to having to do things other then spend time with me. All of a sudden a fight broke out and he goes to the I dont love yous my friends hate you and get out of my life. This is seconds after he gives me a present with a wonderful card followed by lots of cuddling and kissing. How can someone love you one second and want to break up with you the next.? I waited till the next day to speak with him but he is difficult to communicate with as if he doesnt know how. We have decided to spend a lot less time together through the next month to see if a break can help the relationship. Meaning we can talk but we will only see each other maybe once a week ( this is going from practically living together). Maybe the relationship moved to fast....do you believe breaks work? How do you get someone to talk and communicate with you who is used to running away from problems?