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Everything posted by teach

  1. Well, tbh, not found someone with so much in common in a long, long time, If ever...so perhaps there is someone better....but I don't wanna wait forever. I'm 42 and never been married! As for using the kids, yes and no. Like I said, it would be genuinely nice to find another single parent to be able to do stuff with the kids with. It is very hard to find. I have friends without kids and married friends with kids....but when I have my boy, it's difficult to have adult company at the same time as taking him out etc. Don't get me wrong, sometimes its great just me and him...other times it would be great to have another adult there. And of-course, she said it was a lovely idea. But yeah I would be lying too if I didn't think it would be an opportunity to get to know her more or her me....after all she may have rejected an official second date for whatever strange reason, but that's when we would have got to know each other more.
  2. Thanks everyone with the responses. After 3 weeks of not texting her, I invited her with her son to come out with me and my son to Kidzania on Saturday. I said I I wouldn't normally do this, but I said it was hard to find other fun single parents to hang out with while the kids were playing. I said it's not a date, it's a playdate. She replied straight away to say it was a lovely idea, but her kid was with his dad on Saturday (which I suspected might be the case as he was when we went out on a Saturday a few weeks earlier). She said, how about another weekend? I said yeah why not, let me know when you have him. She said she would and hoped all was good with me. I didn't want to prolong the conversation, so I said yes thanks and hoped she was too and left it at that. So on the one hand I don't wanna be friendzoned and I'm still a little annoyed at the way she sent the text I started this thread with. Everyone I've spoken to, can't believe that not having enough spark is the real reason she didn't wanna come on another date. However, it is actually genuinely really difficult to find other fun single parents to hang out with when you have 7 or 8 year olds too. So I have no idea whether her response is good news or not in terms of romance, or whether she actually thinks it's just a good idea too to hang out with the kids. But we did have loads in common including her having a 7 year old and me an 8 year old! So thanks for a massive amount of responses, what do you reckon guys?
  3. Yeah, I think you are correct! It would have been better on my behalf for her to say she was doing that though! Saying not enough chemistry didn't seem true.
  4. I think Bluecastle makes a great point. You would be hard pushed to find anyone who doesn't take a risk of some sort. Some people smoke, some people drink too much alcohol, some people do drugs, some people eat too many fatty foods, some people drive too fast, some people jump out of airplanes. The list goes on. How many people male and females must hook up with people they don't really know and go back to their place each weekend.....and what percentage of them must come to any harm? The overwhelming majority must enjoy it. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it so wanted to meet up again. She must have enjoyed it to some extent to bother to continue texting. The percentage who come to any harm must be minuscule compared to those who get cancer from smoking, heart disease from eating fatty foods, have a car crash from driving too fast and they have children. It's about putting risk into perspective and like anything in life balancing the risk with the reward. I don't smoke, don't drink drugs, don't particularly drive too fast or jump out of airplanes, I'd like to lose a little weight but I'm not at risk...but yeah occasionally I drink too much and even more occasionally I bring a woman back to my place iI haven't got to know too much! I haven't come to harm from that in my life time and don't know of any of my friends and acquaintances who have.
  5. Not after 2 days no. Especially after continuing to text fun, flirty stuff after the date. It may well fizzle after seeing her again and not realising she was quite as I thought, but that's the purpose of the second date that we didn't have. Tbh, I haven't contacted her again so I've let her go. But yeah...the people I've spoken to face to face about this, including women really can't believe what she sent and think there must be something else to it. I guess no-one likes being lied to or duped. Perhaps that's why I won't let it go.
  6. Thanks for the kind message. The one might well be out there but its taking an awful long time to find her if she is. I'm 42 now!! 😂 If having someone come back to your place after a really fun date and her initiating sex again in the morning isn't a spark, I really don't know what is!! Maybe I'm missing something. If women go around having sex with someone they don't have a spark or attraction with (still not sure whether they are the same thing or not), then its news to me!
  7. Yeah....there are risks in everything we do. People have different attitudes and perception to risk. All that could have equally happened on the third, tenth or 50th date. In fact with domestic abuse it happens if people are married for 20 years. But that's why people are compatible with people who share the same attitudes to all that.
  8. I'm a teacher and she's a children's cancer nurse. But we both had the same attitude to all that...the risk is overrated. I appreciate people have different views and that's fine...but that's where we were both compatible.
  9. We didn't meet in a bar or at work or a coffee shop or by random chance and we exchanged numbers etc. We met online, chatted for ages and arranged what I would call a date. I guess it's not really important what anyone calls that really. But here's the thing, I agree she might not have had serious intentions....but she went to an awful lot of trouble to make it sound like she did...when really if she just wanted sex she could easily have said so or been on a dating site for designed to find sex. The last point about safety etc...well we also had a similar attitude to risk. Some people of-course would say 'oh that's far too risky', but we had similar attitudes to risk, we even spoke about it....I like a calculated risk taker and seemed she did...and I didn't think at the time that what she did was risky...that was part of what I thought was the attraction.
  10. Well I at least thought with at least some attraction there and a lot in common and good sex that there would have been a second date. Possibly when we had more deeper conversation rather than just fun. But she's sort of nipped that in the bud. And unless as some people have suggested, that she was actually an expert in getting a ONS or she thinks something else better has come along in the meantime....I think not having a second date is hard to fathom. But hey ho....not the end of the world.
  11. Yes....I think this is it! I mean I guess she can date and chat to who she likes. She might want to have said 'not enough spark', just as being polite for, I've met someone with a bit more 'spark'. But yeah, I have a feeling too that in 2 or 3 weeks she may be back as we had a lot in common (unless she was bullting of-course which could be true). But yeah...I'm gonna carry on dating and think about it if that does arise.
  12. I agree there thanks. If she was only after a ONS then she was pretty expert at getting it, because out of all the women I match with on the dating sites I hardly date any of them. So she knew how to get me going. Whether it was all bull or not I guess I'll never know.
  13. Yeah.. and sent me a video after the date of him scoring a goal. So words and actions completely contradictory. But the other way round to usual. I read her actions as completely into me, completely compatible and that she was completely hoping to find someone for a relationship. However her words say otherwise. 🤷🏻♂️
  14. Well thanks for all the replies. Its really interesting what people think. So......I don't think my ego has been hurt by the fact 'she's not that into me'. This is normal, and happens all the time after one date. Now I might sound big headed but I have many many other matches to go speak to and maybe go on a date with. I think my ego may have been hurt by not picking up the signs of her intentions. And it's not nice to believe as some people do that somehow I was lured in...that she was only ever after a one night stand etc. And if that was the case I would like to be better at picking up the signs especially after someone specifically says 'I hate one night stands', 'I don't want to be on my own' and she had been single for 3 years I think she said. So I guess from what people are saying is I completely misread the signs, what was being said and her intentions etc. And this is not good for going forward, if you don't understand things that went wrong, you can't ensure you don't make the same mistakes twice etc. But I'm still really non the wiser. She was clearly into me, told me about her life, sent pictures of her kid, spoke about all the things we had in common....arranged a fun date, she definitely had fun on the date, came back, she initiated sex in the morning, cuddled and held my hand etc (later I discovered she'd actually bought a change of clothes with her - so in my opinion she had clearly enough attraction to think we would have sex - and we did). Continues to text after the date....and then says there wasn't enough spark. So when did she know there wasn't enough spark? Before the date - it was only ever her intention to come for a one night stand? During the date - but not enough spark didn't prevent her from being attracted enough to come back to mine? - or after the date, when we continued to send funny a flirty text messages? And I'm still non the wiser as to whether spark and attraction mean the same thing in peoples eyes. But thanks all the replies though...people are clearly interested in this sort of thing, I've got a lot of them!
  15. No I'm calling myself one...as in trying to do/be something I'm not. Trying to figure it out. Not calling anyone else one. Yeah I did want peoples opinions, thanks
  16. No I get that. She couldn't really have been clearer on that one. It's her reasoning that doesn't seem believable to me. Unless, like you say by the term spark that includes that she thinks we weren't compatible personality or lifestyle wise because we must have had attraction. But even then, she hardly knew anything about my personality or lifestyle ..so you might have thought she would have wanted to know more before making that decision after a fun night. In fact I've read back and she actually says she 'hates one night stands'. Now this might be some reverse psychology....but why would she send me pictures of her kid, tell me what he's doing and send pictures of her friends etc if she was only interested in a one night stand? If she had already made her mind up what she was gonna do pre meet up...why go to all the bother? I didn't ask for photos of her kid or her mates etc. I am over analysing...but it's just interesting to know.. Quite interesting seeing what people think and doing amateur psychoanalysis 😂
  17. 🤔 thanks. I think one or two people on here think they are different. Might he were my confusion comes from. Well...perhaps I should have let her think about the date more before jumping back into texting so quickly. No major thing as she was replying pretty much straight away and asking how my date went, joking etc. But could be the reason why she bottled it...thought it was going too quickly, were she needed some time to think, space etc. Possibly, but like people have said, there could be a million and one reasons. But, yeah attitude wise, interest wise and lifestyle wise as far as I could tell and she said it was all very compatible.
  18. This is what I mean.. I thought attraction was spark...you know that feeling of desire or lust. Whereas personality and lifestyle are part of compatibility. And this is were the terminology has lost me. She didn't say we weren't compatible. She said there wasn't enough spark. Like I said, this is one woman...I'll get over this quickly enough. But interested in general and for future reference. And also interested in whether spark comes from an emotional connection rather than just a fun one too?
  19. Yeah I think that's good advice. There may be a small chance she does contact me again in a few weeks. Possibly after she's been on other dates etc. That's why I'm a bit baffled with the spark bit. Maybe I'm wrong, but I have more of a feeling I perhaps came on too strong and she's bottled it. Or it's some sort of test to see if I'm too needy. Cos like I said I find it hard to believe she wasn't attracted to me. Unless attraction and spark are different things.
  20. Thanks for you message. The whole of the first paragraph, yes. I couldn't myself think of any more compatible people. We are both single parents of boys hers aged 7 mine 8. She is a paediatric nurse and me a teacher. We both liked watching sport, both like being on the go and out and about...both similar attitudes to fun and risk. Both can't cook. In fact every interaction we had we found more and more in similar. While on our date live music came on, which I wasn't expecting and we were both singing to the same songs. So as far as I was concerned there was enough attraction. I wouldn't say initially I would have gone after her on looks alone, but she was fairly cute and her personality definitely made her attractive. And therefore, after she came back, stayed the night, initiated sex in the morning, cuddled and held my hand and kept on messaging for 2 days after the date, I am baffled. She said she was looking for a relationship and not one night stands. I can't imagine she wasn't attracted to me at all. There surely must have been enough there for her to come back etc. There surely must have been enough in common for a second date. The only things I can think of is, like people have said is that I didn't play it cool enough or she has bottled it. Otherwise if people think attraction is different to spark, maybe she didn't think we connected on an emotional level?? But surely that's what a second date is for? And in future if people think that you need to connect emotionally, I'll try for deeper conversations rather than just fun.
  21. Thanks. It's a great question. I guess like for many guys, sex talk does lead to a spark. Maybe with women it doesn't. Which baffles me as to why amongst many other things she brought it up. Like some say, maybe she knew then she might get me/a guy hooked to get what she wanted. But she didn't only talk about sex, she talked about her kid, her job etc etc even after the date she told me her kid had scored a hat trick. Seemed quite a lot of effort from her just to get a shag. So maybe I shouldn't have sex with her....but I guess it was built up to that point. She came far across town too...and by the time we were wanting to go home, transport had finished and a taxi would have cost her a fortune. So I didn't know she had brought a change of clothes until the morning, which did get me thinking, but on the one hand that could show there was a spark, the attraction had been built up for her to think that was gonna happen. On the other hand, yeah she might have just been up for a one night stand! But her excuse of not going on a second date was there wasn't enough spark for her. Now that might be bull obviously, but it's usually true if women say that. As if you've attracted them enough they would at least want to pursue to a second date. And that's why I'm wondering if anyone thinks theres a difference between attraction and spark? Because next time if spark includes a more emotional connection rather than fun and attraction....I'll go a bit deeper with the conversations.
  22. Thanks guys. I'm still a bit confused. So from a woman's point of view spark is not the same as attraction? I would find it pretty hard to imagine a woman can have sex with someone she doesn't find attractive at all? We also had lots in common etc, so it wasn't entirely lust. Now if she did find me attractive, which I assume she must have done to go to the lengths and time chatting and came all across town to meet me.....and stayed the night, initiated sex in the morning, kept on messaging after our date and like I said we had lots in common beyond that and spoke about what her had in common. Now I don't expect there to be a mad spark and unbelievable attraction on the first date. I don't expect there to be an emotional connection straight away if that's what people mean? Surely that's what you go on a second date for? First date should be fun, can you have fun together? Second date more building an emotional connection? I mean I'm disappointed this girl is gone....but I'm more bothered about where it went wrong so not to repeat mistakes. Am I just misreading something?
  23. Thanks....you are correct I think. Her loss I guess 🙂
  24. Thanks, I did think that, but I thought the flirting and the sex chat does initiate the spark. Besides it was her who brought the sex chat up in the first place!
  25. I could agree if it wasn't for the fact she initiated sex in the morning when we wasn't drunk.
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