A bad night's sleep in Abuse and Violence Posted August 30, 2006 I had weird dreams that I can't quite recall, and I kept jerking. I never did the whole jerking thing prior to the rape. I don't know, I never know when the jerking will come, and I jerk really hard too. It scares me awake sometimes. I don't know, do you think I'm trying to shake something off? I mean, in my mind? It's my fault, I misplaced a whole bottle of sleeping pills. Can anybody help? Has anyone experienced similar things? Did it go away on this own? Why do I care so much? Where is all of this frustration coming from? Why am I so concerned about his next victim? I'm driving myself crazy right now thinking about.....how to stop him. I couldn't help myself you know. I want people to be warned, I want him to go crazy because he has run out of victims. What's wrong with me? I don't know. My therapist believes he'll eventually start killing his victims and that's how he'll be caught. She is extremely confident that he'll be caught. And so am I. But then I think, how many more people will suffer before he's caught? What about the girls who don't report the rape? How do you move on guys? I was supposed to turn in that report and feel free to move on with my life, but now for some reason I have all of these reservations. I'm scared. I don't understand why I can't let go. I want to let go. I have to. I feel like crying. I want to scream. Why can't someone stop him?! But then I forget I guess, it's not my job. It's God's job. I just forget sometimes you know. I try really hard to be the best person I can. Sometimes I just forget. Whew! Thanks for listening guys. I know I have a lot of frustrations. I just want relief, relief from these constant thoughts and feelings. Why am I not better yet? I mean, I've made improvements but................... My head hurts and I feel like crying. I'm so sad right now, and I HATE being sad. I have a feeling I'll lay in bed all day. I'm starting to feel like I used to. You know something is wrong with you, you're in agony because you can't make it better, it won't go away. And you just sit there, feeling physically horrible. Feeling sick. All day, and nothing helps. If I had my sleeping pills I bet that would help. But I can't find them.