DazzlingEyes

I had spoken with my boyfriend again last night. He said maybe he used the wrong word "extraordinary". He said okay I will used the word "special". What is something that I can bring to our relationship that is special. He said when you make the decision to marry someone, wouldn't that person be someone who is special in your life. Now that I am typing this post, the thing that comes to my mind is that shouldn't he be the one to point out what he sees special in me??? I did answer his question. I told him that I would maintain my independence, and a balanced life, and give him the space to achieve his goals. Also I would bring my soul, my mind, my spirit without reservations and hope that its enough for him. I asked him the same question and he poetically elaborated what he would bring to the table. He said his word would be his word. If the heat will be on he will make sure its hot, if we are going on a vacation, he would make sure we are there, etc. He said a lot of poetic lines, but I cant remember it all, but most of it was about his integrity. Which is the one thing I hoped for in relationship, a man with integrity. I think he is looking for a wife, even though he doesn't come out and say it. But I feel like he is testing me. Maybe not testing me, but really looking at what I do, how I handle situations, and he listens to what I say. There are some other issues at hand, and I have a suspicion about what it could be. And if I am right, I can see why he is looking for a wife. That's why it sounds like a business transaction with him. Because I think he is trying to solve a situation in his life emotionally, and maybe financially. And having a wife will help him solve the situation to a great degree. But he isn't stupid. And he knows you cant just go and pick a wife. Thats why I feel that some of you hit on the nose that he is a control freak, narcissistic, and dealing with love like a business transaction. But time will tell. And I think the time will be coming soon. Once he reveals what is going on, I will definitely have the answers I need. I know this may sound strange or weird, but him not telling me what's going on is because it deals with a young child that he is trying to protect from getting hurt.

I was talking about the situation with my mother. And her opinion is that everyone can feel that they are extraordinary, but the reality is that everyone is ordinary. She said a relationship can be extraordinary, but the people in the relationship are ordinary. And its okay to be ordinary. She used Bill Clinton as an example. And said she thinks he is extraordinary, but actually he has the same problems as any other person. So he is really just ordinary person like anyone else. She said me bringing myself to the table and giving my all to the relationship, and my boyfriend giving his all to the relationship. And we both are there to give each other something to make our life better makes for an extraordinary relationship. She said that if my boyfriend thinks that he is "God's gift" and he is sitting back to see what I can give, that is not an extraordinary relationship. He actually has a low self-esteem. If he thinks that. I am not sure if that's what he thinks though. But I will soon find out. About the moving in part. We weren't seriously talking about me living with him anytime soon. It was just as talking about the "what if" of us living together or getting married. We talk about that time to time. I think he did have failed relationships. He always talking about how he has always had disappointments and frustrations. And another thing that stands out alot in his conversation is that he was always the one giving, hardly ever the one receiving. And not just in relationships with women, but with friends and family. He grew up very poor most of his life, but now he is very successful. He owns a house worth more than half a million, and drives a Cadillac and a convertible Mercerdez. He did it on his own without anyone's help. So maybe he feels that his accomplishments makes him extraordinary, but if he isn't gifting them to me or our relationship, then it doesnt mean anything. Does that make any sense?

Bethany he doesn't have doubts about me or my daughter. He loves me just as much as I love him.

Thanks for your responses. By the way, he has 3 children himself. He also has a 6yr old daughter that is currently living with him. He said that is only temporary, she will be living with her mom. I agree with the response that my daughter and I should be extraordinary enough. I didn't take that his focus was just on her. I feel that he is being practical. He had mentioned last night that other people's children are only cute for 10 mins. a day. I understand what he means because it is tough dealing with your own children, imagine someone else's kids. I don't feel he wouldn't be loving to my daughter. I feel that he is wonderful dad, and he would be wonderful in my daughter's life also. He would treat her like his own child. He still has a relationship with his ex-girlfriends kids, so I know he would be a great stepfather. But I dont think the focus of his conversation was just on my daughter. Practically men look at women different than we look at them. When women date, we know almost automatically if we would settle down or , marry that man. We know right away. Men are much different. When they choose a woman for their life, they might not tell you, but they are looking at things in that woman that "stand out" to them. It could be something very very simple that we may never detect what it is. For example, my boyfriend loves this certain kind of juice. This juice is very expensive. You can get it in your local supermarket. But anyway, when he comes over I make sure I have this juice in my frig. just for him. I don't drink it anyway. He appreciates it so much that he tells me everytime he comes over. He said its the simple things like that, that give him pleasure. Guys look at those sorts of things when choosing a woman for their life. They usually don't care how much money we make, or things of that nature. They look for things that show them how we care about them. Like the example about my juice. Unconditional love is important in a relationship, and there should be no excuses. But there is also Life. Love does not pay the bills. Love is just a four-letter word. Not to down play love, but everyone is a package deal. And the question is what is in your package? I think that's a honest question. And maybe my thinking is off, but I dont think the answer is, well you should already know. Also just a little background, my boyfriend and I only have been together for 4 months. Does anyone have any more feedback? I really would like to hear a man's point of view also.

Last night my boyfriend and I was talking about living together and marriage. He said he is not an easy person to live with and certain things would bother him. I had asked him to give me an example. He said something like if my 6yr old daughter had a tantrum and I wasnt able to control her. That would really bother him. He is not implicating that she would have a tantrum, but he was just using that as an example. He had asked me what could I bring to the table that would be extraordinary. He said that if he was to take me and my daughter into his home, that would be serious. So he is saying that for him to do that I would have to bring something to the table that is extraordinary. If he was going to marry me it would be the same thing. He was serious when he proposed that question. I know its not something material, such as money because I know he would have no problem in taking care of me and my daughter. He is definitely the provider type, such as paying all the bills without looking at me to help. So he has me wondering what could I bring to the table that is extraordinary. I proposing this question on here to get feedback, especially I would like to hear from a man's point of view.

Maybe its the age difference with me because most of these posts are from members that are under 25. I am sorry but when I am dating or have a boyfriend there is no such thing as him hanging out with a female friend. But maybe thats a rule in my age group. Most men in my age group do not hang out with female friends because they dont look at females as just friends. And its the same tihng with us females. My boyfriend would not accept me just hanging out with a guy. I disagree with one of the posts about you being friends with the girl. You don't have to or need to be her friend. I am not saying to be her enemy, but you have your own friends, right? Your focus should not be on being her friend. Your focus should be about your man. That is what is important.

It sounds like he has already broken up with you, if he disappeared and hasn't called in two weeks. It's one thing if he told you that he needs a break from you, but he didn't. If you know in your heart that you don't want to be with this man, then don't be with him. Personally I feel different than everyone else. I don't think he deserves a "formal" break-up from you. Just leave. But again, if you feel like you are not ready to leave, then that's another issue. I feel you should go out on the date, and then take it from there. And just don't go out on that one date. You should date many guys. Have fun! It's obvious that your boyfriend doesn't deserve you. He is not reciprocating enough. A relationship goes both ways. You two should be running towards each other, not you only running to him. You deserve better treatment than what he is giving you. Once he sees that you are not hunting him down, he will either try to come back to you or he will move on. And if he comes back, then you have to make a decision if you are going to trust him again or not. If he moves on, then you will see that he didnt want the relationship anyway. And one more thing, men do not like to be hunted down. Its a major turn-off.

True, but he swore on his daughters life twice already that he does not sleep with his daughters mom. I do believe him, and I trust him. This is just a tough situation.

True. You make a lot of sense. He said he wants to avoid paying child support dictated by the courts. His daughter is living with him now, so he does take care of his responsibility. He makes a very good income, and he said his child support payment would be $1500 a month. He doesn't want to be obligated to that. Whats funny is that this is all specualtion. No one said to him that if he has a girlfriend, Im taking you to court. He saying that women can be vindictive and using the daughter would be her only weapon. About where he lives, I actually do know where he lives, but only because I investigated. I am a real estate broker and appraiser so it was easy to obtain his address. But yes the fact is HE never gave me his address.

Well one thing he that he told me on different occasions is that he hasn't been sexually involved with his daughters mom for 3 and a half years.

My BF was never married to his daughters mom. I do need some assurances though. I just don't know what to ask for. I wanted him to spend the night when he comes over. That would be a start. Its funny because I have dealt with guys that lie. I just feel like he is telling the truth, but again I dont really know. All I have is his cell phone #. He had already met my mom and stepdad, and a few of her friends. He had went to my moms house for a cookout we were having. In my mind I was thinking that may be he is being authentic. I feel like when guys are "players" they dont usually like to meet the girls parents. What do you think?

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 3 months. When I first met him he told me that his daughter and eldest son lives with him. His daughter is 6yrs old and son is 19. My BF never gave me his address or home telephone # because of his daughter's mother. His daughter's mother has easy access to his home, and is allowed to answer his phone (I guess). He doesnt want to disturb the peace that he has with his daughters mom. He is afraid that if she knows he is involved with someone else, she will threaten him to take him to court for child support. He is already paying child support for his middle child whom resides with his mother. Yes my BF has 3 children. Even though his daughter lives with him for now, there is no court action involved. And he wants to avoid it. He told me that when her mother gets her finances together the daughter will reside with her, and the situation will get better. Who knows when that will happen. Well my BF works at night, so his daughters mom watches her and puts her on the school bus in the morning. So I am assuming she must be at his house every day. He said that she has her own place, but I cant imagine how often would she be there. I only see him every other week which is on a Saturday. He comes to my house after work on Friday, but he only stays until the afternoon. He nevers spend the night. I also live 2.5 hrs away from him. He is also building his own business, so he is quite busy with that also. We do talk on the phone everyday. I talk with him when he is on his way to work, and sometimes during the day. He says he loves me, but I feel confused and unsure. I am not sure if I should wait around to see what happens or move on. I do love him, but I dont want to get hurt. I trust him, but I am not getting reassurance from him especially because he doesn't even spend the night with me. All that we do in our "relationship" is that he comes over Sat morning and we have sex, thats it. He said he is the kind of person that just likes to stay home.