renaissancewoman101

Yes, I feel rejected and unloved, and I want him back mainly because I am lonely and because I miss having someone around who really loved me. He really loved me a lot and would do a lot for me. It is funny because, in the beginning of the relationship, I was so smitten over him, that I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. I would spoil him to death and overlook a lot of our differences. Then, last year, almost exactly to the week, he broke up with me, saying I was smothering him and he needed space to go hang out with his friends and figure out what he wanted to do with me since he was losing his "in love" feelings for me. I freaked but I gave him space. I also called his mom who advised me to give him space and that he still loved me and just wanted space. He came back that time. Our relationship seemed to get better for a while, we spent a lot of time together. But, in Feb, when we went away for a weekend, all of a sudden, I began to see what I was getting myself into. He had given me a necklace with a heart pendant with diamonds on it. He really was looking for me for something serious. I began to realize that we were really incompatible. He and I come from different areas of life. He likes to be a punk and act like a punk. He likes to dress in punk fashion, which doesnt really appeal to me. He drinks a lot and he smokes. He likes to spend most of his time playing childish video games/computer games. He hangs around friends who are a lot younger than him and who like childish things like him. He is so into collecting and playing with Star Wars toys and action figures, stuffed animals, Transformers, etc. His room is filled with toys, mostly Star Wars toys, action figures and stuffed animal. He has probably about 50-60 stuffed animals cluttering his bed. He doesnt like anything yuppish and he makes fun of yuppie things. He doesnt know when to keep his mouth shut about things and he makes inappropriate comments at inappropriate times. He also lives at home and he is 32 years old. His parents disrespect him a lot and constantly nag after him. He doesnt know how to drive and doesnt drive. It is like he doesnt want to grow up and he wants to keep his childhood with him even though he is 32 years old. I tend to be one who likes sophisticated things. I do like opera and musicals and going out to nice dinners. He cant afford any of that since he works a sales job selling luggage. He gets uncomfortable around my friends who are yuppies like me. I get uncomfortable around most of his friends because all they care about is Ren Faires and doing LAN gaming and drinking and smoking. He and I also have different ways of seeing things and thinking about things. He tends to look at things as being half empty or against him, I try to be optimistic about things. On the other hand, I do miss him a lot. He was the second relationship I ever had in my life that lasted a long time. My first relationship lasted a while but it didnt end well. He has also treated me very well and been there for me a lot and taken care of me, bought me little gifts etc. He has always been kind and considerate of me, putting me first, etc. He also introduced me to his family and gave me a semblance of family life, something of which I never really had. I think I did have an effect on him since I drove him around, took care of him financially, introduced him to a whole new way of life, etc. And his family, especially his mother, liked me a lot. She really did not want us to break up since she was hoping that I would help him mature and that we would end up together. It is hard to stay focused on the reasons why I lost interest in him in the beginning, because now, at this point in time, I feel as though I would do anything to get him to come back to me. I miss him a lot.

Only reason I said a month or so is because of what he said to me on Sat when I saw him at the Faire. He told me that he needed a lot of time and space to get his life together (pay bills, work on artwork, etc), and that he didnt know what to do about us and that he really needed space from me and time. I am worried at the time part. I think he is used to not seeing me, because in the last few months or so, we havent hung out a lot. We see each other maybe 3-4 times a month, when we used to spend Wed and every weekends together. I know he needs time and space, but I am afraid he will forget me. I want to respect his need for time and space, since I have a feeling, I will drive him away more, if I dont. The biggest problem now is I think he knows what life is like without me, because this last 6 months, he hasnt seen much or me, but has talked to me on the phone 1-2 times a week. If he is used to being away from me, because of the fact that I had pushed him away for the last few months, how do I go about getting him to realize that I regret what I did and want him back and am willing to spend more time with him???? I dont think he misses me. The last time we broke up, we were just a year into the relationship and I spent a lot of time with him, so when he was away from me for the week, he was really sad and cried and missed me a lot.

DN, I like your idea, I will give him some time and space, maybe a month or so. He still has my cell phone, so if he wants to, he can call me. I do worry about him finding a new gf. I dont think he will forget about me because I am only his second long term relationship. As for letter writing, I will probably write him in a month or so (sometime in Nov.). I am not sure if he reads letters or not. Most of the time, the mail he gets, his parents just dump it into his room, and it sits in piles. He has ADD so it is hard for him to go and sort things out. His room is kind of a reflection of the jumbleness of his mindset. That is why, I am not sure if letter writing is a good idea or not. But, I may go and write the letter in a month or so. I may also call him in a month or so to see how he is doing. I hope after a month and things have calmed down that he might be open to retrying the relationship. I am willing to work things out. I miss him so much, from the bottom of my heart.

We are both 32 years old, although he is 4 months older than me. This is his first time dating someone so close to him in age. Most of the time he dates women who are younger than him. The last girl he dated, he was 30 and the girl was 20. His first serious relationship was with someone who was abot 4-5 years younger than him. I am his second serious relationship. He has had a few non-serious relationships with girls a lot younger than him, who end up dumping him. Me, I mostly date older guys (a few years older). My first serious relationship was with my best friend who is the gay guy. He is around the same age as me. We share a lot in common, except that he is gay.

DN, I guess you are right, when my feelings for him changed in late Feb., it was like night and day. One minute here I was so in love with him and couldnt stand being away from him, and the next minute everything about him drove me nuts and I wanted to be as far away from him as possible. I could not understand how I felt at that point but I was afraid to tell him because I was afraid that he would leave me. At that point in time, I had other issues about why I didnt want him to leave (I had suspicions that I could be pregnant and didnt know what to do about it). So I did the next best thing, which was pull away from him and cut almost in half, the time I spent with him. What I did then, scared him a lot and he clung to me. I was scared too because I thought I was pregnant. He then began to chase me and try to do anything possible to get me to open up to him and let him understand what I was feeling. I did end up telling him I was pregnant and the day after my birthday, I had an abortion. Sometimes I wonder if that is something that is poisoning our relationship too. He did not pressure me for an abortion. He was willing to be there for me if I decided to keep the baby. But, I was afraid. At that time, my feelings for him were all a jumble, and I wasnt all that happy around him. He was kind and considerate of me, but all I could see was his personality and the way he was, his mannerisms, his attitude towards life, and that bothered me a lot. Sometimes, I wonder if the abortion had anything to do with the demise of our relationship. He was there for me for the abortion and he was very supportive of me. But, my feelings for him had changed and I pushed him away. We clung on to the relationship until last month when he finally decided to end it. His reactions to me now make me want to cry and want him back. Maybe you are right, these are his defense mechanisms since I must have hurt him bad, and now he is afraid of falling for me again, so he has put up a wall. I dont know why I did what I did. My feelings changed and I couldnt see it getting any better. I told him my feelings changed but I didnt work on changing them. I was wrong for what happened, now I am paying the price, because I dont think he will ever come back. Sometimes I think he really might have fallen in love with me and when I pushed him away, he got really hurt by me, and maybe that is reason why he doesnt want to get back together. I am not sure if he still loves me now. I now realized what I have lost and am weeping for it terribly. I would do ANYTHING to get this relationship back because now I know what I have thrown away.

I do love him as a person and I see the good that is in him. He treated me well and actually cared about me, although the way he is reacting to me now kind of makes me doubt how much he loved me. My ex-bf when we were in a relationship, he was so nice, loving, and caring for me. He treated me with utmost respect and care and was sweet to me. Now that he broke up with me, he cant look me in the eyes, wont talk to me, and wont have much conversation with me. It is like night and day and that HURTS, esp. last week when I had to put one of my pet guinea pigs to sleep. He had been there for me when she had her surgery and watched me take care of her, etc. The day I went to put her to sleep, I was crying on the way to the vet, so I called my ex at work. He sounded cold to me, he did say the necessary words, but it didnt sound like he cared anymore. That hurt a lot. Although he did tell me that I could call him later to talk if I wanted to, I didnt call him back. HOw can people change their reactions to you so quickly??? It is like night and day. Maybe they didnt really love you. My love for him is a mixture of loving him for some of his uniqueness and loving him for the relationship he gave me, and the care and love he gave me. Right now, I am just frustrated and pissed off because I feel like NO ONE wants me, not even someone as strange as my bf.

DN, I am not sure what it is anymore. Sometimes, I feel as though my life is cursed. I cant get a hold of his mom and the one time I called today, his dad answered. I really hope he doesnt recognize my voice. I dont need my ex finding out I have been trying to call for his mom. I didnt understand your question about whether I am lonely driving my hopes that he comes back, or that I am truly ambivalent about my feelings for him. Yes, my lonliness does drive me to want him back. I am not ambivalent about my feelings for him. I really hope Brian (his best friend) hasnt betrayed me by telling him all I have been telling him. No, I havent been telling Brian anything bad, just that I miss my ex-bf and wish that there was any way to get him back. Brian's advice was to give him space but to give him some contact every so often. I also think my ex is holding the fight we had that night, when I was drunk and yelling at him, against me. He really reacts bad when someone starts yelling at him. It is something that really bothers him and triggers a defensive reaction in him and causes him to hold a grudge against that person. Before the night we had that fight, he was still civil with me and would talk with me and allowed me to come and hang out with him and his buddy (hence the fight). Now, he is nervous around me and wont have much to do with me. I really regret that fight. I shouldnt have drank anything that night. He drinks a lot and knows what it is like to get drunk, he should not hold that against me.

You know, I am not sure what I want. He wasnt completely dependent on me. He did have a life, he had friends, most of them were kind of like him, almost all of them were a lot younger than him and his friends constantly mooched off him since most of them didnt work and my bf had a steady sales job. He did give me some things in return. He bought me stuff like flowers, cards, little gifts, etc. He was very romantic. But, he drank a lot and he smoked a lot which bothered me at times. He helped me a lot around the house, which I truly appreciated. I am not sure what I want. I am so desperately lonely and alone right now that I cant think straight. I dont have a lot of friends, and my best friend, the gay guy, is too busy to give me any time. And he has a bf that doesnt like me to spend a lot of time with them. I feel so alone. Some days I wish I wasnt alive. I dont know what there is about me that drives people away. Sometimes, I feel so unlovable.

Today, I sat there and thought about the whole situation that I am stuck in right now. I am still seriously thinking about trying to make contact with his mom to see if there is anything salvageable out of this relationship. He is close to his mom and she did want this relationship to stay alive once before, so maybe talking to her might help. It shouldnt hurt. She knows I am a decent woman and that I do love her son and I have taken care of him in the past. Another thing that is on the back of my mind has to do with my ex's personality. In many ways he is like a little kid. He likes kid things like hanging around toy stores, playing computer games, buying stuffed animals to put on his bed. He has about 50-60 stuffed animals on his bed. They are all in a big pile on his bed. His bedroom is full of toys (Star Wars toys, action figures, etc) and he has renaissance weapon replicas on his walls. He loves to hang at Toys R Us and look for stuff like action figures, Transformers, Star Wars stuff, light sabres, etc. Sometimes, I think he likes living as a child since it helps him avoid growing up and dealing with life. He did move out on his own with his first girlfriend for about three years, and she broke up with him, because she couldnt stand that he didnt make anything of himself, and because he would not propose marriage to her after seven years of dating. Right now he lives at home, spends most of his money on cigarettes, beer, toys, ren faire things, books, etc. He only has one credit card bill to pay. He doesnt pay his parents room and board to stay. I think he likes being a kid and hanging out with his kidlike friends. He doesnt want to grow up, and I think he found a lot of the grown up things that I liked to do, kind of uncomfortable. I do think he stayed with me for two years because I took care of him. Before the last few months, I would pay for almost everything. I paid for most of our dinners out, our trips both around the states and to CA to see my parents. My parents were ok with him and treated him quite well out there. I would buy him things to cheer him up. I helped him out by driving him around to places. He could stay at my place to get away from his parents, etc. I was literally parenting him but without all the nagging and stuff that his parents give him. He loved that a lot. I dont think he could handle the fact though that I was close friends with my gay friend and that he was doing A LOT better than my ex-bf. Also, my gay friend did not like my ex-bf and thought he was a mooch. Also, in the last few months, I began to nag at him about things, mostly concerning the way he dressed, acted, and when he was around my place, his tendency to be messy about things. In the beginning those things didnt drive me crazy. In the last few months, they drove me up a wall. I think that had a part in causing him to dump me. Basically, I think I lost part of my feelings for him and didnt care to hide my displeasure of him. The sad part is, now that he has dumped me, I miss him like hell and I am pining away for him. This whole situation has destroyed me. I cant eat well, sleep well, etc. I look shellshocked and if I dont take care of myself soon, I am going to get very sick. My stress levels are high. Sometimes, I wonder if I do talk to his mom and let her know that I miss him a lot and am willing to "parent" him again, will she give me guidance in getting him back???? Part of me, right now, is willing to stoop that low to get him back.

I am not sure if he is going to be able to notice. He lives about two hours away from me, in another city, and we dont really have any mutual friends. He doesnt drive either so he rarely comes up to my city except to visit a friend that lives about 20 minutes from me. The only ways I may see him or hear from him again would hinge on two things: 1) he still has my cell phone attached to my cell phone plan which I PAY FOR; 2) he owes me about $1500 of the $1800 that I lent him to pay off his credit card bills.

I sometimes prefer to be alone and sometimes, I prefer to be with people. I just have very low self-esteem, and I feel awkward around people. A lot of that has to do with my height. I am very short, being only 4'5" tall. That has made me very self-conscious a lot. As for abandonment issues growing up, I dont think I had anybody abandon me as a child. My parents had marriage problems in high school and I got stuck in the middle of it, and I somewhat felt betrayed by my dad. After what happened, I am reluctant to trust my dad, even now. I am not sure if this relationship was really meant to work out since my ex and I are VERY different people with different likes and dislikes. I just didnt think he would leave me. I guess I got too confident and when my feelings changed for him, I pulled away too much thinking he would always be there, and he left me. I would do almost anything to have a second chance at this relationship. I do love him a lot.

DamagedGoods, I can so understand what you are feeling. My ex just did that to me a week or so ago. He broke up with me because we didnt have anything in common and he lost the "in love" feelings that he had for me before. He tells me he still loves me a lot but that the feelings are there. Last year, he did the same thing (and it happened right around this time of year too), but we decided to give it a second try. That time, I did NOT see it coming. This time, I kind of saw it coming because I had started to lose interest in him earlier this year, and I pulled away from him and gave him a lot of space and time to hang with his friends, he began to chase me and do a lot for me, trying to find out why my feelings towards him had changed. It is hard to explain how feelings can change. I never expected my feelings for him to die out. They just did. All of a sudden, one day when we were out for dinner, I looked at him and realized I couldnt stand him and his childishness. Yet, I still clung on to the relationship and gave him less time and attention. Yeah, I literally "killed" my own relationship. Now, he has decided to actually go out and "axe" the relationship, and now I want him back BAD. I have been crying, not sleeping well, not eating, etc., for the last week or so, pining for him. And, I would do anyting to get him back in my life again. ANYTHING. Isnt life ironic???????

I dont know why I do that. I think I may do it because I dont feel that good about myself. A lot of times, I feel as though I am a nuisance to other people, and that people hate being around me. I still dont understand how, in just a short span of a few weeks, my ex can turn from someone who cared about me, worried about me, was nice to me, etc. turn into someone who was afraid of me on Sat., would not look me in the eyes when I had a conversation with him, and was nervous around me, and would keep looking at other women walking by and making comments about them while i was talking to him. At least he did have a conversation with me. I hate being alone. I wish I had some friends. My ex always told me that people liked me but that I was always afraid to go and actually talk to people and make friends with them. I guess I am a loner.

Sometimes, I feel like I dont know what to do. I am so scared with all this. He is the second guy I have ever had a long term relationship with. Also, I am very alone out here. I have no friends out here anymore. My best friend is so busy now as he is preparing to move halfway accross the country and his bf doesnt let me hang with them as much as before. There are days, I sit here and am literally scared and feel all alone. I am so scared. At least my bf was always someone to fall back on. The sad thing is I got comfortable with him and I took him for granted these last few months. I never really knew how much I hurt him or neglected him. Now that I know, it is too late to do anything about it. I dont think he is going to come back to me. I can tell he is hurt by me and he is angry with me. He let me know many times how hurt he was, but I never took him seriously. I should have been more conscious of his feelings. I was so stupid and I am now paying for it. Sometimes, I wish I could crawl in a hole and wither away. I screwed up a relationship that had so much potential. He really cared about me and wanted to be there for me, and I pushed him away. Now, he is REALLY gone and I have nothing in my life. I always push away things/people that are good to me.

DN, you are right, he was trying to avoid a "relationship" talk. Actually, he was afriad I was going to have an emotional outburst at him, like I did last Sat at his house after I got drunk. DN and coolsome, I am not sure what I am going to do about the mother. Last year, when he had the one week breakup with me, almost a year to this breakup, I called his mom and she talked to me and coached me on what to do with him like give him time and space and wait for him to call. She also told me that he liked me a lot and was attached to me. She also told me that she would talk to him to see what was going on. And, last year, we got back together after a week. He really wanted space to go hang with his friends, and last year, I was smothering him. I know she didnt tell him that I talked to her. She has come to me before in confidence to tell me how her son feels about me. I know she is an advocate of him staying with me. As for the friend, I am not sure how much I can trust him, or how much he might have revealed to my bf. Although, he has always been nice with me and found me nice to hang with. Plus, he knows if he helps me, I will help him out and take him out for drinks and dinner every so often, AS FRIENDS.

DN, another part of my post, do you think I should try to contact his mom, or write her a letter? Also, what should I take this as meaning, on Sat when I did manage to talk to my ex, he would not look me in the eye. He was nervous, and he kept looking away from me, looking at other women passing by and making some comments, while I was trying to talk to him????? Was he trying to show me how much he HATED me????

Do you guys think I should contact his mom to see if there is any hope of us getting back??? His mom did not want us to break up because she thinks I am one of the best women that he has ever dated or had a long term relationship with. I want to write her a letter telling her how I feel about her son and that I want to rectify whatever I did wrong. I want her to understand that I still love her son and that I regret pushing him away and not spending time with him. The last time we had a breakup, it lasted a week, and I did talk to his mom and she gave me some advice on what to do about him, and she told me she would talk to him, and that she would try to calm him down about the way I was clinging to him. She is an essential ally to have. One more thing, on Sat when I did see my ex, I mentioned to him that the thing that tied me to my gay best friend and his bf, was done and over with, and that I was going to cut my ties with them when they moved to CA. That situation with the gay best friend and his bf, was a serious situation. My bf knew about it since I told him about it. He was waiting for it to finish. When I mentioned that to him, something changed in his face, and he asked me why I didnt tell him earlier that summer that I was planning to do that!!! From the way he asked me that question, it seemed as though if he knew that I was planning to sever the ties with the other two people, he might not have decided to break up with me. He did tell me though that he didnt want me to sever ties with them for him to get him back, but for the good of myself. When I left the Faire on Sat, I did see my ex for one last time in the parking lot and he looked at me in a funny way and gave me a salute. I hope there are feelings there to be able to rekindle. When he said he lost his feelings for me, that hurt and scares me a lot. Can someone rekindle feelings once they are lost?

Thanks DN for giving some hope. But for now, I am going to give him space and NC for a while. He tells me he wants space for a long time to fix up stuff in his life (like get his bills paid off, do artwork, etc) so I will leave him alone for the time being. He still has the cell phone that I gave him and he uses it (he knows I pay the bill), and he still owes me about $1800. Last time we broke up, I gave him space and he came back. That breakup only lasted a week, and I had the support of his mom. She told me to give him space and he would probably come back. I still havent talked to her yet. She is hard to get a hold of.

thanks I wish that was not the case. I do miss him a lot. He still has my cell phone and he owes me money. He is an honorable guy. Has always been to me and to his friends. Honorable and loyal. Do you think if I leave him alone for the time being, he may still come back????? or at least give me a call????

DN, I know he is unsure about his feelings. He told me that he didnt know what to do with me or our relationship. He told me that yesterday. He did say that in the last few months of our relationship, his feelings changed towards me and he tried to drop hints so I could help fix it, but I didnt know, and he got to the point that he couldnt stand being in a relationship with me, to the point he felt like gnawing off his leg, like a dog. He was like this with me almost a year ago to the day. He used the same phrase "gnawing off his leg, like a dog". But that time, he missed me a lot and came back to me. This time, I pulled away so much and we spent so little time with each other in the last few months, that I dont know if he misses me at all. He acts like he doesnt. Yesterday, in the beginning, he avoided me like hell, then he was jovial with all his friends, etc. He wont look at me in the eyes. He looks at other women, as he talks to me, and comments about them. What is up with all that? I really thought he loved me, esp since he did so much for me and stuff like that. The way he is treating this whole thing right now, is he is glad the relationship is over and he doesnt give a crap. I would think that if he has been dumped many times before, he would know how it would feel to be in my shoes. We still have some ties together. He still has my cell phone and he still owes me about $1800. We dont have friends in common so it is going to be hard for me to find out what is going on in his life. I havent gotten a hold of his mom yet so I dont know how I truly stand and what the chances are that we can repair this. He does want a lot of space from me for a long time, as he says it. That scares me a lot. I miss him so much and I am in the process of deciding whether to stay here or not.

Part of me wants him back because of the way he always treated me. He was always kind and caring to me. He watched out for my well-being, bought stuff for me, treated me like a queen. I havent been in a lot of relationships. My first serious relationship was with my best friend, the gay guy. He put me through hell and high water through my last few years of college, and then dropped the bomb on me that he was gay. We managed to stay friends afterwards and I do see him as often as I can. My current ex-bf couldnt understand my attachment to my gay friend. It is hard to explain. My gay friend is close to me and he understands things on my level. We can communicate on a similar level and we share a lot of the same tastes. I know this sounds sad and cliched but if I could, I would stay with my gay ex. But he has a bf, who is very controlling and severly limits the time I get to hang out with them. And, they are moving away to CA at the end of Oct. I do love my current ex, the one who just broke up with me. He treated me like a true girlfriend, something I have never experienced before. I also love him because he is an honorable, hardworking guy, who gives me a sense of family, esp with his family. He is close to his family and he is close to his friends. We were very incompatable in many ways. He loves to do computer gaming and he loves toys and action figures and stuff like that. A lot of the stuff he likes is teenage stuff, and a lot of his friends are a lot younger than him. My ex has ambitions of become an artist/cartoonist, but he dropped out of school a few years back and never went back. He spends most of his time, besides working at a dead-end retail job that he hates, drinking, smoking, playing computer games, and hanging out with his friends. Yesterday, when I saw him, he told me that he wanted a partner in his life not someone who did not share in a lot of what he likes. I never told him that he could not do what he enjoys doing, like playing computer games, etc. I did not like to do what he like so I told him to go and hang out with his friends and do it with them. I did try doing computer gaming, liking some of the childish stuff that he likes, but after a while, it started to drive me crazy. I like a lot of different things that he doesnt like. I like to travel, to go to stuff like wine tastings, go out to eat at nice places, go to operas, shop, etc. I also like fitting into society where it means dressing nice, or at least dressing mainstream. I am already on the short side of height, so I try not to do things that draw attention to me. He on the other hand, likes to be as different as possible, to the point of attracting attention. He dresses very punk like or, at least, very unmainstream. He identifies himself like a certain animal and he doesnt bat an eye and will wear a replica of that animals "tail" attached to his belt in public, on occasions. I am not sure what I want. I really do want to have another try at dating him. This time, I will try to share in more of what he does, although I dont think he is going to give me another chance. Another thing, how can a guy who once loved you so much, wanted you so much, to the point that he was contemplating a long term relationship with me (ending in marriage), to the point he bought me a diamond pendant necklace, etc., all of a sudden after the break up, act like he doesnt want to see or speak to you anymore? And when he sees you, he tries to run away?????? He was acting like that yesterday at first, but then he calmed down and managed to have a conversation with me. I can tell he still loves me, but he wont look at me straight in the face anymore. We still have some ties together. He owes me about $1500 that I lent him to pay off his bills, and I told him to keep the cell phone (even though we have a shared plan and I PAY FOR IT). He was willing to give me back the cell phone, but I told him that he could keep it for now, so he kept it. He needs it because since he lives at home, his parents dont let him talk on teh phone a lot. It helps him keep in touch with his friends. Help me with some advice!!!!! I really want to get back together with him. I am praying that I can get a hold of his mom to talk to. I need to find out how I REALLY stand in this whole thing. I also hope his best friend will keep me informed of what is going on in his life. I do love him a lot

I have already asked him to give it a second try. I did that yesterday and when he broke up with me. He says he doesnt want to do it, because he doesnt know what to do with me. He says he has lost his feelings for me and he doesnt know how to get them back. He says he wants space from me for a long while to see if he can get his life back together, etc. But, I dont think he wants me out of his life completely. He tells me that he is not dumping me out of his life completely, but that he wants time away from me for now. The weird thing is, almost exactly to the week one year ago, we broke up, also over the fact that he thought he lost his feelings for me. That time, he could not handle my clinginess or my attachment to my best friend (the gay guy). That time, our breakup only lasted a week. Then he came back to me and gave it another try. Everything was going good until in Feb, when I lost my feelings for him. But, I did not break up with him. I am willing to give him space and let him alone and pray that he will come back. If I dont give him space, I am going to drive him nuts, that I know. I just dont know if I should wait around here for him. I may end up moving to CA in a month or so, with my best friend. I dont like living where I live. I live in Wisconsin. I am lonely out here and dont have a lot of friends. I am very scared right now. I have been crying for the last week or so. I havent eaten much in the last few days. I think about him a lot. Part of me is not sure if I even want him back sometimes, but I miss the love and attention that he poured on me once before.

A few weeks ago, my bf decided to break up with me. We had almost a two year relationship. This Nov., it would have been two years that we would have been together. I am not saying that I didnt see the breakup coming. We broke up once last year around exactly the same period of time. That time our break up lasted only a week (and as I found out from his mom and his niece, he missed the hell out of me and cried a lot). He came back and decided to give it another try. This time around, about six months ago, I began to lose my feelings for him. It was all of a sudden and it happened around Valentine's Day weekend. All of a sudden I began to look at him in a different light and things he did and the way he was began to bug the hell out of me. I had never had that happen to me, where I can be so in love with someone, and then all of a sudden everything the person does, I begin to hate and find annoying to the point that I try to avoid the person. I didnt know what to do so I severly curtailed the time I spent with him. I saw him less and when I did see him, I would spend little time with him. I dumped him off on his friends a lot. Most of weekends, I would split my time with him, spend Sat or Sunday with him, but not both days. What I did to him scared him and he began to chase me, but I couldnt deal with him, so I ran away from him. He tried hard to make things right by giving me gifts, listening to me, etc. but I couldnt stop. This summer, he began to warn me that if we didnt try to work things out, our relationship was going to die. I didnt listen. I was too busy with things and with the impending departure of my best friend (who is a gay guy). My best friend is moving away to pursue a job and that is going to leave a big void in my heart. This summer my bf spent most of his weekends going to Ren Faire and hanging out with his friends. He wanted me to come every weekend to hang out with him and his friends. I didnt want to do that because it is expensive to do that and I spent a lot of money right before the summer to repair my car. Even though I lost my feelings for him and, in a way, was hoping this would all go away, when he decided to REALLY break up with me, I was devastated. I cried for days and gave him a week or so space, hoping like last time, he would come back to me. I called him last weekend and asked if I could come down to hang with him. He said I could come down on Sat and I did. We hung out with him and his best friend. We had a good time until night time. He told me I could stay so that I wouldnt have to drive the two hours home. I stayed over and began drinking with him and his buddies. After drinking, I got raving mad and started fighting with him about everything, to the point that we woke up the whole neighborhood. We were screaming at each other and throwing things at each other. I think he still holds that against me. After last weekend, this week, I called up his best friend to talk to and to see if he could help me get my bf back. This guy is my bf's best friend and he also gets along with me pretty well. He is kind of down and out too. He lives at home with his family and cannot find a job right now. He smokes a lot and is an alcoholic, kind of like my ex-bf. They grew up together. We both went out to dinner and for drinks on Thurs night. I told him if he helped me get my bf back and/or subtly let him know that I am good for my bf, I would give him a bottle of liquor, and we could go out to eat and hang out on my dime. I have made it clear to my ex-bf's best friend that I am not interested in him, I am just interested in getting my bf back. He did give me some insight into my bf's mind. Apparently, my bf was really happy with me for a long while and saw me as marriage material. He had wanted me for the long haul. From what his best friend and his mom told me, I am only the second serious relationship he has ever had in his life. His first one, he stayed with for seven years, but she dumped him because he could not get his life together to the way she wanted him to be. Also she got tired of waiting for a marriage proposal from him. But, when I started hanging out more and clinging more to MY best friend (who is a gay guy and an old ex of mines), it drove him nuts. From what my ex-bf's best friend said, he also could not handle that I did not want to do stuff with him and that I always shoved him off to his friends. I was going through a tough time in my life financially and emotionally, so I kind of shoved him away. He can sometimes be a financial drain on me. My ex also wanted me to do more stuff with him and hsi friends. I dont understand a lot of things about why I am not desirable anymore to my ex-bf. I have a lot to offer him. I used to spoil the hell out of him and take him places and do things with him that he has never experienced before because he grew up poorly, and most of the girls he has dated have been really young and tend to not have money and are flighty. I have a stable job, have health insurance, live on my own, know how to drive and own a car, and I make good money. My ex never learned how to drive and his is 32 YEARS OLD. His mom likes me a lot because I am one of the only stable, self-sufficient women he has EVER DATED. I also drive him around a lot, etc. He is a chain-smoking, alcoholic who spends most of his money on toys and childish things like stuffed animals. He is also a mama's boy who lives at home under the thumb of his ultra controlling mom. She liked me a lot and wanted him to stay with me. He spends most of his free time playing computer games, hanging out with his friends who are like him but younger and dont have any ambition at all. I thought he would be happy to get someone like me. At first he was, he showered me with gifts, time, etc., then after the first year we dated, right around this time of year (last year), he broke up with me for a week claiming he could not stand my best friend in my life and wanting space to hang with his friends. This year, I decided not to be clingy to him and let him hang with his friends as much as possible. I kind of wanted time to hang with my best friend before he moved away from here. Also, my best friend gives me the intellectual exchange that I cant find from my bf at that time. I am not sure what I am going to do at this time. I did see my ex bf today because he was at a Ren event. He wanted his best friend to come with him, but his best friend lost his license due to a DUI and since my ex doesnt drive, his friend had no way to get to the Faire. When I went out to dinner with my ex's best friend, I told him that if he came to Faire and helped my bf out and dug around for info for me, and kept his ears open as to how my ex-bf is feeling about me, I would get him a nice bottle of liquor. He agreed. At first, my ex was very uneasy around me. He would not approach me, and when I saw him in his other friend's vendor booth, he avoided my eyes and turned away. I let him alone most of the day and walked around Faire by myself and with my ex's best friend. At the end of the day, all of a sudden, my ex decided to talk to me for a bit. He still is adamant about not dating me again. He says he cant deal with my attachment issues to my best friend (the gay guy) and the fact that I refuse to do anything with him. He says he wants a partner in his life that will share in doing things with him and his friends. I dont understand him when it comes to that. All he likes to do with his friends is hang out and play computer games all day and night long, or else go to Ren Faire things, and collect Star Wars toys, and other action figures, and stuffed animals. I have never been a computer gamer that much, and I tried it out in the beginning, but I tired of it. I just have no interest in that. I also dont really care for toys and find it a waste of money. He tells me that I am also oblivious to a lot of things in my life because i have spent a lot of my time alone. He likes to have lots of friends (most of them are young, immature, and dont care much for working or making a life) and he cant stand me only liking to have one or two friends. He says we are very different and have nothing in common and he is tired of trying to get me to like the stuff he likes and share in the stuff he likes. Mainly, he is giving up on trying to date me and wants to get his life together. I dont think he will ever get his life together. For the past two years, he has said he wanted to get out of his miserable job situation, go back to school to finish his animation degree, and to move out of his parents' house. He has not done any of those things. He refuses to give me a second chance at dating him. Another thing, while we we talking, he would look away from me and look at other women like he wanted them. I dont know if he was doing this to piss me off or what. He also pretty much told me that he needed a lot of space from me right now because he is tired of dating, etc. I told him, if he wants space, he can have it. He did tell me that he is not trying to dump me out of his life and he still somewhat wants me around. He told me that he understood how I was feeling since many girls have dumped him and he has begged for them back, but none would give him the chance. I can see in his eyes, that he still cares about me and loves me, but I dont know why this happened this way. I am going to give him the space he needs and see what happens down the road. He got like this around this time of year last year, right when Ren Faire season ended. But, last year, with the help of his mom, we made up. I am letting him keep the cell phone for the time being (even though he offered to give it back to me). He shares a plan with me. I pay the bill. I dont think he is going to lose touch with me, but I am not sure when I will ever hear from him again. As for his friend, he will keep in touch with me and let me know what is going on with my ex. I hope he will help me. I know he likes booze and he is having a hard time finding a job, so he has no money, and I dont mind going out to eat and drink on occasion with him. He knows I am not interested in him, only in my ex. The other thing I will do is try to get a hold of my ex's mom soon, when I know my ex is not going to be home. It is hard to get a hold of her on the phone. She rarely answers the phone and dont have caller ID. She also dont have a cell phone. I could try and talk to her in person, but going down to my ex's house is a big production. He lives about two hours from me. I am also afraid that she might hold what happened last Sat against me. When I went into that drunken rage, she wasnt home but his niece and nephew were home upstairs and the neighbors were around. I know she knew about it because my ex told me that he told her but he downplayed it so that she would not find out first hand from the neighbors. I will do the NC thing with my ex for the time being since I am hoping that will bring him back to me. Hopefully, I can talk to his mom and see how much hope there really is of reconciling with my ex. Also, if his mom is on my side, the chances will be a lot better for me. As for his best friend, I am not sure if I can trust him or not. Part of me worries, he might be stringing me along to get free booze and a meal every so often. I hope with the passage of time, and the passing of the Ren Faire season, my ex might come back to me. His best friend did tell me this, my ex has a hard time finding a decent gf, since he has a lot of things against him (his not driving, living at home, his personality, etc). He is kind of different, he likes to act differently, dress differently than most normal people, and he does that in public to the point that people look at him and make fun of him. I am hoping he dont find a gf. The whole funny thing about this is, about 5 months ago, I DID LOSE MY FEELINGS FOR MY EX. Yet, I kept on going, trying to see if time would help me get my feelings back for him. All the while, I pulled away from him because a lot of what he did drove me nuts. At that time, a big part of me WANTED him to dump me since it would save me the hassle and hell of dumping someone. But now when he HAS dumped me, I am crying every night and wishing for him back. I hope he does come back, but I am not sure what is going to happen. Right now, I am also at the point in my life that I am probably going to move away in a month or so. I am seriously thinking of moving back to CA, that is where my best friend is moving to. My family also lives out in Los Angeles. I will stay here if he comes back to me, but I dont know. I dont know how much time it will take.

SuperDave, you are right in many aspects, he does hold what happened last Sat when I got into a drunken rage, against me. He says I spaz out too much. After last weekend, this week, I called up his best friend to talk to and to see if he could help me get my bf back. This guy is my bf's best friend and he also gets along with me pretty well. He is kind of down and out too. He lives at home with his family and cannot find a job right now. He smokes a lot and is an alcoholic, kind of like my ex-bf. They grew up together. We both went out to dinner and for drinks on Thurs night. I told him if he helped me get my bf back and/or subtly let him know that I am good for my bf, I would give him a bottle of liquor, and we could go out to eat and hang out on my dime. I have made it clear to my ex-bf's best friend that I am not interested in him, I am just interested in getting my bf back. He did give me some insight into my bf's mind. Apparently, my bf was really happy with me for a long while and saw me as marriage material. He had wanted me for the long haul. From what his best friend and his mom told me, I am only the second serious relationship he has ever had in his life. His first one, he stayed with for seven years, but she dumped him because he could not get his life together to the way she wanted him to be. Also she got tired of waiting for a marriage proposal from him. But, when I started hanging out more and clinging more to MY best friend (who is a gay guy and an old ex of mines), it drove him nuts. From what my ex-bf's best friend said, he also could not handle that I did not want to do stuff with him and that I always shoved him off to his friends. I was going through a tough time in my life financially and emotionally, so I kind of shoved him away. He can sometimes be a financial drain on me. My ex also wanted me to do more stuff with him and hsi friends. I dont understand a lot of things about why I am not desirable anymore to my ex-bf. I have a lot to offer him. I used to spoil the hell out of him and take him places and do things with him that he has never experienced before because he grew up poorly, and most of the girls he has dated have been really young and tend to not have money and are flighty. I have a stable job, have health insurance, live on my own, know how to drive and own a car, and I make good money. My ex never learned how to drive and his is 32 YEARS OLD. His mom likes me a lot because I am one of the only stable, self-sufficient women he has EVER DATED. I also drive him around a lot, etc. He is a chain-smoking, alcoholic who spends most of his money on toys and childish things like stuffed animals. He is also a mama's boy who lives at home under the thumb of his ultra controlling mom. She liked me a lot and wanted him to stay with me. He spends most of his free time playing computer games, hanging out with his friends who are like him but younger and dont have any ambition at all. I thought he would be happy to get someone like me. At first he was, he showered me with gifts, time, etc., then after the first year we dated, right around this time of year (last year), he broke up with me for a week claiming he could not stand my best friend in my life and wanting space to hang with his friends. This year, I decided not to be clingy to him and let him hang with his friends as much as possible. I kind of wanted time to hang with my best friend before he moved away from here. Also, my best friend gives me the intellectual exchange that I cant find from my bf at that time. I am not sure what I am going to do at this time. I did see my ex bf today because he was at a Ren event. He wanted his best friend to come with him, but his best friend lost his license due to a DUI and since my ex doesnt drive, his friend had no way to get to the Faire. When I went out to dinner with my ex's best friend, I told him that if he came to Faire and helped my bf out and dug around for info for me, and kept his ears open as to how my ex-bf is feeling about me, I would get him a nice bottle of liquor. He agreed. At first, my ex was very uneasy around me. He would not approach me, and when I saw him in his other friend's vendor booth, he avoided my eyes and turned away. I let him alone most of the day and walked around Faire by myself and with my ex's best friend. At the end of the day, all of a sudden, my ex decided to talk to me for a bit. He still is adamant about not dating me again. He says he cant deal with my attachment issues to my best friend (the gay guy) and the fact that I refuse to do anything with him. He says he wants a partner in his life that will share in doing things with him and his friends. I dont understand him when it comes to that. All he likes to do with his friends is hang out and play computer games all day and night long, or else go to Ren Faire things, and collect Star Wars toys, and other action figures, and stuffed animals. I have never been a computer gamer that much, and I tried it out in the beginning, but I tired of it. I just have no interest in that. I also dont really care for toys and find it a waste of money. He tells me that I am also oblivious to a lot of things in my life because i have spent a lot of my time alone. He likes to have lots of friends (most of them are young, immature, and dont care much for working or making a life) and he cant stand me only liking to have one or two friends. He says we are very different and have nothing in common and he is tired of trying to get me to like the stuff he likes and share in the stuff he likes. Mainly, he is giving up on trying to date me and wants to get his life together. I dont think he will ever get his life together. For the past two years, he has said he wanted to get out of his miserable job situation, go back to school to finish his animation degree, and to move out of his parents' house. He has not done any of those things. He refuses to give me a second chance at dating him. Another thing, while we we talking, he would look away from me and look at other women like he wanted them. I dont know if he was doing this to piss me off or what. He also pretty much told me that he needed a lot of space from me right now because he is tired of dating, etc. I told him, if he wants space, he can have it. He did tell me that he is not trying to dump me out of his life and he still somewhat wants me around. He told me that he understood how I was feeling since many girls have dumped him and he has begged for them back, but none would give him the chance. I can see in his eyes, that he still cares about me and loves me, but I dont know why this happened this way. I am going to give him the space he needs and see what happens down the road. He got like this around this time of year last year, right when Ren Faire season ended. But, last year, with the help of his mom, we made up. I am letting him keep the cell phone for the time being (even though he offered to give it back to me). He shares a plan with me. I pay the bill. I dont think he is going to lose touch with me, but I am not sure when I will ever hear from him again. As for his friend, he will keep in touch with me and let me know what is going on with my ex. I hope he will help me. I know he likes booze and he is having a hard time finding a job, so he has no money, and I dont mind going out to eat and drink on occasion with him. He knows I am not interested in him, only in my ex. The other thing I will do is try to get a hold of my ex's mom soon, when I know my ex is not going to be home. It is hard to get a hold of her on the phone. She rarely answers the phone and dont have caller ID. She also dont have a cell phone. I could try and talk to her in person, but going down to my ex's house is a big production. He lives about two hours from me. I will do the NC thing with my ex for the time being since I am hoping that will bring him back to me. Hopefully, I can talk to his mom and see how much hope there really is of reconciling with my ex. Also, if his mom is on my side, the chances will be a lot better for me. As for his best friend, I am not sure if I can trust him or not. Part of me worries, he might be stringing me along to get free booze and a meal every so often. I hope with the passage of time, and the passing of the Ren Faire season, my ex might come back to me. His best friend did tell me this, my ex has a hard time finding a decent gf, since he has a lot of things against him (his not driving, living at home, etc). I am hoping he dont find a gf. The whole funny thing about this is, about 5 months ago, I DID LOSE MY FEELINGS FOR MY EX. Yet, I kept on going, trying to see if time would help me get my feelings back for him. All the while, I pulled away from him because a lot of what he did drove me nuts. At that time, a big part of me WANTED him to dump me since it would save me the hassle and hell of dumping someone. But now when he HAS dumped me, I am crying every night and wishing for him back.

Superdave71, I do have a question for you. Does NC also apply when the reason they broke up with you is because you ignore them too much, gave them too much space, and refused to spend time with them. Reason I ask is that I do want to clarify some things to you from my first post. I had been going out with my bf for about two years. Earlier this year, around Feb., I, all of a sudden, started to lose interest in him and did not want to be around him alot. So, I pulled away from him, severely curtailing the time I spend with him. I would not see him on weekdays, and spent very limited time with him on weekends. I also began to show my dislike of him rather intensely and began to avoid him even when he stayed over at my place for the weekend. With me pulling away from him, he bagan to chase me more and try to please me more, yet I pulled more away from him. This summer I spent very little time with him, insisting that if he wanted to go to Ren Faire every weekend, that he go with his friends, not with me. I actively encouraged him to spend time with his friends, w/o me. I wanted some time to sort things out and to be there for my best friend (who is a gay guy), esp since my best friend was moving away at the end of THIS month. After the end of summer, I wanted to finally devote some time and love to my bf, but by this time, he had had enough of me, and decided to break things off. I am not sure if NC applies with me, I spent most of the summer not talking to him much or hanging out with him much. NC is not going to bring him back i dont think? After he decided to break up with me about two weeks ago, I now realize how much I miss him and want to be with him, but I am not sure if he wants to chance coming back to me. Would you think, in my instance, that NC might drive him away even more, or he wouldnt care???? Or should I try and show that I still care about him by trying to hang out with him and do stuff with him that he likes, AS FRIENDS???? He does want to keep a friendship with me. I want a relationship back, since I realize how much I miss him