awade1

Hello, I am a 21-year-old male who just recently broke up with his girlfriend. About a month after the break up I stumbled upon a new girl by accident. We hit it off immediately and I immediately gained feelings that I have never felt before. She is amazing in so many aspects of herself and we have so many common interests that it scares me. Things were going well and I made sure to focus on myself and work on things on my own. Unfortunately, my ex found out about this new girl and essentially scared her off. This new girl came to the conclusion that we should "take some space" so she can heal and so I can work on myself. I am in college, so I did find that as an, "it's over", situation. We were able to do exactly what she wanted even though it was really hard on me since she was still giving me so many mixed signals throughout this time frame. I noticed that she was pretty active, especially in terms of guys. They would comment on her stuff and she would comment on theirs. I told myself that I should not be wasting my time and energy on her after seeing all of what was going on, but it got to the point where I had to confront her because I felt like I was a second option to her because she knew I'd be there and I will not go for that. It was messing me up and taking my focus away from working on myself. After I confronted her, everything changed and we began to see each other more and work back to what we previously had. During this time she would say things like, "If that stuff with your ex didn't happen and you asked me out then. I would've said yes". That also messed with me because I knew that had some sort of manipulative meaning. This is such a weird relationship because there have been so many things that we have dealt with already and this is also her first relationship (I also took her v-card). She's a very closed-off person and has some sort of deeper thoughts that I am wanting to get out of her. Over time she has opened up to me though and still is. My main struggle that runs through my head 24/7 is the actions she does/says. I am in college and I am in Greek Life, so I've seen it all. For some reason, I just have this weird trust that I know if she were to go out with her friends that I wouldn't need to worry about her cheating but at the same time, I have these red flags waving in my face 24/7. She hides her phone every time she's on it and will call every guy she talks about "a friend" when she is telling a story. Since this is her first "relationship", I fear that she only loves me because this is the first time she's felt this way and that she is blind to what she actually likes in me. There is this one guy that I noticed her commenting on during our little break that has me a bit on the fence. I can't tell if the guy is gay or not but he is verified on Instagram with like 250k followers and I have noticed that she hints at me dressing/looking like this dude. This guy just so happens to be in the same club so it's not like she doesn't see this guy. I have also noticed that when we have convos, I'll randomly lose her attention and I notice that she'll be locked onto a group of guys walking by almost every time she does this. Now, she is a super observant person, one that is quiet and looks at every little detail so I try to tell myself that she's just being observant. I confronted her about that and her response was, "You have nothing to worry about because when I like someone, I really like someone". There are so many other red flags as well, but the one that got me to the point where I decided to post this was during Halloween week. During Halloween week, everyone turns a bit feral and gets active. She went to a couple of parties, one of which was with her club and that guy that I am worried about. She had some other smaller get-togethers that could be considered parties as well. She eventually asked me to join her at one of her parties and I offered that she come to my fraternity party. All that happened and all of that went extremely well. She also had some other parties that she "promised" her friends that she'd go to. One of which, she said that she would meet up with me after 11 and she actually followed up on that but she seemed a bit off. She wouldn't let me walk behind her as if she was trying to hide something and later on in the night, she stopped us from having sex, which she never does. Regardless, I kept my confidence up along with my emotional walls. Later on, things were going well and she eventually told me that she loved me which is kind of a big deal among each other. Obviously, after that, I felt amazing but I still had so many red flags waving in my face. This is where I came to the point where I had to make this post. The next day, I decided to be a little stockerish and saw that she posted multiple Halloween pictures on her VSCO, one of which was with her and this random guy and the other was her in a group with the guy I have my suspicions about with his hand on her. I understand that I might be thinking too deeply about this but at the same time, she did have multiple pictures of us together, yet decided to post one with a random guy and another with the suspicious guy. There's a lot more to this but now I just do not know what to do exactly because we are definitely getting very serious, yet there is another side of her that I know nothing about and she is definitely hiding it from me. I just know that there is something going on but I don't know how I can find out. I am definitely not going to ask her out anytime soon because I know that I need to work on myself, to begin with, but this definitely affects how I can work on myself as of right now. I feel as if I should not reach out to her and see if she will come to me. I also want to figure out the other side of her. I really really really like this girl and I really do not want to lose her. All I know is that if this continues and it is messing me up emotionally, I will eventually close off and force myself to move on. I also know that if I find out that she "hoes around", then I'll just leave her, worry and regret-free. Something I would rather have to deal with than being emotionally played with for a month. I need advice.