souled

im 18 (12th grade) thank you for the advice!

Alright. The information you would probably need to know to give better advice is that I am currently in high school, and have known her for years prior to our relationship. So, it starts out a good relationship. She asks me out, and I happily say yes. But, there was a small problem. She would never really talk to me - at all - at school. We would just hang out sometimes and we would talk and have fun watching tv or playing games, or going out to restaurants or to other places for fun. But, it was an issue to me that she would basically ignore me at school, so I talked with her about it. She ended up not saying anything much after and wouldn't talk to me for a while. We usually sat by each other in the cafeteria, but she sat across on the table where she normally sits with her friends (and me). This was really the first argument that we had. Time resolved it, and we would hang out more. Later, I had to stay home because of covid - after months of a happy and healthy relationship. We stayed in contact, but when we called she was around her friends one time, and told all of them to insult me "since I was gone". This was unnecessary and kind of rude, so I talked to her about it. She apologized and I forgave her, and that was it. After a week of being apart, we had a larger argument. I don't remember exactly what caused it, but it was when we were calling each other. She ended up telling me (after we both made up / apologized at the end) that she decided that no matter what happens, she will always stay with me. After I came back to school, we were pretty good for a while. Of course we had small arguments from time to time, but instead of talking them out with me, she would just give me the silent treatment and talk about it over text later, and always try to pin the blame on me, even if it wasn't a big deal in the first place (arguing about food / pets / other smaller or trivial topics.) It seemed like if I disagreed with her on anything, she would just go quiet on me for a while. But, we argued less and less. We only had even small arguments around once or twice a month. It was going good, and we planned for our future. We grew closer and closer, but there were still a few issues. She was very insecure and would always talk badly about herself (being unintelligent, useless, etc) and I would try convincing her that she was smart, attractive, and overall good. One time she told me that she doesn't believe she is good enough and that she doesn't know why I like her, but to please never leave her because that is her "biggest fear". There are many other instances where she promised to never break up with me, and ensured me that I'm the one keeping her motivated and happy. I promised not to break up with her too, and she would tell me about having dreams of getting married, starting a family, and other stuff in the future. I told her how much I wanted to do that too. I honestly did, and I believed everything she said, which may have been a mistake. I put all of my trust in her and agreed with how she felt. Now, I must introduce a major factor in this which will be relevant later: my mom. My mom is the type of person to always try to start arguments out of seemingly nothing, and to make bad decisions. She is also an alcoholic. So, we were in a relationship for about a year. Even though a year isn't that long, everything was moving fast. My parents and her parents both believed we would get married, and we wanted to also. Her parents would refer to my parents as her "step parents", and everything went well. So, what happened? My parents planned out a pretty expensive trip to 2 locations. Her parents paid for her airplane tickets and some smaller expenses, while my parents payed for the rest (hotel, grocery shopping, etc). We were going to meet my family, and since we were planning to get married, her parents / my parents / both of us saw this as something good. Her dad was busy and didn't get to say by to her when she left with us to the airport. Her dad wanted to meet her to give her something, but we had already gone through TSA, and would have to go back through it if she left to meet him. My mom was getting mad at me for not wanting to go with her (I had a belt on and barely kept my pants up when I had to take it off since it had metal on it, and I didn't want to do that again, I had a plastic belt but this was my first recent time traveling so I didn't know I needed to wear it, I wore it the later times for TSA but this time I had to take my belt off). Her dad was going to give her another brand of credit card, when she already had one (which I don't think he knew), so it wasn't something she needed. I asked her if she really needed to go and tried talking to her about it, but all I got back was sarcasm and silence. She decided not to go back and started crying. For more than 30 minutes. I tried hugging her, but she wouldn't let me. So I, as someone who cares so much about her, basically just sat there watching her cry, with no other option. For more than 30 minutes. It hurt me so much not being able to help in any way, and after a while, she finally looked at me and said I can hug her in a few minutes. Nothing like this happened for a while, and the mood of the airplane ride was much different; we all had fun on it. The first location is where we met my family. My family took a picture together, and for some reason, she didn't stand right by me or hold my hand or anything. I tried asking her why after, but she blamed it on being confused and gave me the silent treatment again. I tried introducing her to my family members, and she seemed to feel better, and we eventually had fun talking to many of my family members. She had a lot in common with some of them, and seemed to enjoy herself for the rest of the time. We had a rental car at this location and everything went pretty well. We went to some unique restaurants, and had a lot of fun there. But, the second location is when things went downhill. My mom did not buy a rental car, she instead used ubers. Parking at the hotel was less than $20, the rental car site had a huge sale where they were only $25 or under, and each uber was $20 for one way (so around $40 to a place and back). She wouldn't get a rental car, even though it was clear we needed one. This state had public drinking legal, and as an alcoholic, this was clearly the reason she didn't want to get a rental car. Yes, she did end up drinking alot while we were there. When we get there, the hotel had almost no employees available to help with their checking in system; which is mainly online, but it was currently down. Checking in took over an hour, and by the time we get in the room, my girlfriend starts crying about not seeing her dad again. I try to comfort her any way I can, and this time she actually hugs me. We talk it out and she seems better. Anyways, we wanted to go to a restaurant... but the nearest one was about 2 miles away. We decided to walk. My mom, having drunk alcohol, and normally walking slow, kept trailing behind us. She got mad that we wouldn't walk at her pace, which would take hours to get there. She also didn't want to spend money on ubers (yet), so we didn't have much of a choice. My girlfriend kept complaining, constantly. She would say "it's too hot" or "i'm tired" constantly. I tried asking my mom why we don't get a rental car, and she starts yelling at me. Before this, my girlfriend thought my mom was nice. By this point, she is starting to dislike my mom. Anyways, my mom keeps yelling at me and my girlfriend starts complaining again. This was the only time in the whole relationship that I had said anything rude to her (keep in mind she's told me f you once and shut up multiple times). I told her to shut up since not only had my mom been forcing me to do all the work (carry luggages in, tell her all the directions when we were in the first place, bring in groceries), but my girlfriend had not stopped complaining for the entire trip. I understand it wasn't a good choice, but in the moment, I was so tired of all of this. Of course I apologized later. But, we ended up taking an uber back after finally getting to the restaurant. After I apologize, my girlfriend once again gives me the silent treatment, and goes to bed. We continue the trip, only going to very nearby things we can walk too (there aren't much), while my mom gets drunk every day. We had some fun at restaurants, and seeing new things, but we don't do much. So, we finally head back, and on the way home I have a bad feeling. I just have the feeling that something will go wrong, and I tell my girlfriend about it. She promises me she will always be here for me and that we will go on more trips later in the future. When I get back, I got covid again and my mom got it. Even though she sat between us, she somehow didn't get covid. Her parents wouldn't let me see her again until I got a negative test, and I didn't want to see her when I was sick so she didn't get it. Just like the previous time we were away for a week, she escalates another small argument. This happens about a week into me having to stay home. I try making up with her, but after we seem good, we don't talk for a few days. Her replies were late and short, so I didn't text her much since it seemed like she didn't want to talk to me. A few weeks pass as I still test positive. She says she has to talk about something important. We end up calling - while I'm still home - and she says she wants to break up with me. We talk for a bit and are both crying, and she says she wants to take it back. She wanted to continue the relationship, even though she was about to break up with me. We talk until very early in the morning, and it seems fine again. Over the next few days, we don't talk much. My parents and I finally test negative, so we arrange to hang out again. I thought seeing each other and finally talking in person again would be very good for us, but she had something else planned. So, we finally meet up on the arranged date, about a month after we haven't seen each other. (time breakdown: went to church with her right after trip, after a few days i got covid symptoms and didn't go out, next day tested positive, home for about 3 weeks since my dad caught it and all of us had to test negative for her to come over, and scheduled date for her coming over was a few days after we all tested negative) She comes out of the car, and has something written on her phone. She proceeds to read me a script she wrote of why she is breaking up with me. She didn't even want to hang out one more time, or talk at all to try fixing the relationship. She promised me so much for all this time, and after feeling terrible because I can't see her for a month, she just breaks up with me. She says she wants to remain friends, and I agree. MORE BG INFO: Before we were dating, we were good friends for years. It turned out we secretly had a crush on each other for a very long time, before she finally asked me out. So she says she will hang out with me at recess, and her friends during lunch. I just agree, and the next day, she doesn't really hang out with me at recess. She mainly just talked to one of her friends, and we walked to my class, and talked to another friend there. We didn't get to talk at all and I didn't bring it up since I wanted to see how the next day went. So, how did it go? We went where she wanted again, and she didn't talk to me at all. The next day we actually hung out, but she was giving me very short replies or the silent treatment when I tried talking to her. After all of this, I tried asking her if she is sure she wants to be friends, and she basically just deflected everything I said and said she doesn't want to be friends any more. (me asking her that and her reply was over text btw, not at school). She was planning to invite me and her other friends over that weekend, but of course I was uninvited because of this. We didn't talk at all after this happened, and it's been about a month. I've just been going through school normally, doing my homework, talking to a couple other friends, and not really mentioning anything about her and the relationship (of course I talked to a couple friends about it, but didn't go into detail. I just told my friends that she broke up with me and how it went.) But, apparently she is lying to her friends about me, and her friends are lying to her about things which never even happened, and she is exaggerating / intentionally altering things that happened to make it seem like I'm the cause of everything bad in the relationship and a terrible person. She is also telling some of this stuff to my online friends, and people she doesn't even know that dislike me online. She is also revealing a little bit of personal information about me, and some of the people who dislike me online are lying to her making her think she has even more on me. I didn't tell anyone anything about her or reveal any private information. It seems like she is trying to lightly dox me and fuel her hatred towards me by believing anything anyone says about me, even if they are blatant lies. I still haven't hated her at all since we broke up; I've just missed her and thought about my future. Her and her friend group have just been talking badly about me and fueling hatred towards me (I know because one of her friends who is pretty close to me told me what is going on). Also, some of my online friends have told me about her sending stuff to them (info about me, her hating me , etc). I am hoping she doesn't take it farther and full on dox me with everything she knows about me. I would never think of doing anything like this to her, no matter what she did. I really need advice on what to do in this situation. I thought of a few options, in case she does anything more extreme (doxxing me / trying to get other people at school to hate me) Option 1: text her about it (probably a bad idea. if she is this far from reality and hates me so much, I don't know what she will do. she will probably disregard what I say and tell all her friends about it) Option 2: tell her parents about it. (maybe a bad idea. they are extremely supportive of her, and may hate me, since if she is lying to her friends I can only imagine what she told her parents) Option 3: tell my parents, who will try talking to her parents about it (they have respect for my parents, a conversation between adults will probably be more civilized, and my dad cares about me a lot so he will probably try to fix this) The third option seems best, but I will only do that in case if she does something more extreme. If anyone could think of a better solution, I would really appreciate that. I know this is a lot of words, but if I forgot anything, please ask questions. This is the first time I've posted on this site, and I'm not sure if I can reply to comments, but thank you to anyone willing to give suggesstions. In addition to this,. I have to worry about a few other personal problems going on, which are unrelated, but this really just makes it worse. I really hope she realizes what she is doing, since she herself is very against going against people's privacy, and knowing her for many years, this is not something I've seen her ever do. I don't know what is going on, but I hope it works out.