heyitsmeeeeee

I am not obsessed fixing him in fact as I mentioned I've distant myself to him. He's the only one keep telling me things that he'll improve his self before he pursue me. It's also not guarantee that I will keep waiting for him to be fitted in my expectations.

I don't ask if how he will do it. I let him do his own way. So not sure of that.

He only had part time job (online job) since after he graduated his college. He's still staying with his parents. He said he can't find a regular job as he can't leave his mom alone since she is somewhat having a depression, nobody can look after his mom. His father is working and so his sibling also helped him financially just to take care of their mom.

Because I don't want him to be complacent that I accepted him to have no regular job, not paying his own rent and to be supported by his parents at his age. We dated once, then when I know that he doesn't passed my standards I distant myself then he asked me why. Then that's the time I told him that I am looking for a long term relationship and who's making his own living at the age of 32. Sorry if it's too harsh to hear but I think that will be the reality of truth since he asked me why. I am just afraid that if we jump to boyfriend-girlfriend situation now then I will expecting him to somehow him prepare a 'date' for us (let's just be honest that we do think of this) yet since he doesn't have enough resources I will be accepting that he can't give me this kind of stuff. We are not living in a movie world where you can accept the person even he's not making his own living. Again, I am not being materialistic or gold digger. I just know that I deserve better. I think if I am on my younger years -- 20 ish yrs old -- then I think this will still be acceptable and we will just help each other out. It is not just only about money, anyway. It is on how you handle yourself and be responsible for your future before committing yourself to others.

Okay agree with that. Thank you @Capricorn3

@TeeDee I believe that I am not a materialistic person and it's really not my intention to tell him to build himself first just to pursue me, I always tell him to do it for himself and for his future. He's very open about his feelings over me especially when I already distant myself yet he keeps coming back. I also mentioned to him that if you start building up your career then you will have more potential in looking for someone else along the way. Then he just told me that I know but he wants to assure me that I will be the one who he will pursue. At the back of my mind I know it's too good to tell at the moment all about this. I just didn't respond or anything.

I've actually question that to myself at first that is why I distant myself to him. But he keeps messaging me and telling me he likes me that is why I already came to a point to directly tell him to build his career first.

I take your point. I told him that he doesn't need to pursue me that he can just go on and build his life without me. I am open to not seeing and talking to him in fact, I already distant myself to him. However, he messaged me and he wants to tell me that he hopes that I am still available when he's ready to pursue me. And I told him that I cannot assure you on that.

We've known each other for 7months now. Yes, he's still living with his parents and unemployed with just some side hustle for him to make a living. As he's some sort of pampered of his siblings and parents and to no drive in looking for a stable job since he's still under the roof of his parents. He has a bachelors degree/diploma, he just didn't practice after he graduated. I told him that he doesn't need to pursue me that he can just go on and build his life without me. I am open to not seeing and talking to him in fact, I already distant myself to him. However, he messaged me and he wants to tell me that he hopes that I am still available when he's ready to pursue me. And I told him that I cannot assure you on that.

I understand. But my point here is that he needs to have a good paying job and at least I can see his improvement during this progress. I didn't mean to say to 'become like me' or more than me. I just rephrase I just want to see the better version of him as of the moment he is jobless. He do have side hustle but it doesn't have a regular and stable career. That's what I actually meant.

He's just casual and doesn't want a commitment. He's just giving you hopes but really no plans in pursuing you. Better slowly back off and move on. He's just playing it safe. At the back of his mind he's still thinking if he really can be a parent instantly. (from your past)

Hi girl, I think this is just his alibi of being busy. Nobody is busy with their life especially when they really like a person. He then no need to tell you that he needs space as you haven't had a relationship with him. So sorry but I think, 'he is not that interested in you'. He's just kinda bored and get back to you when he wants to. Just thank you, next. 🙂

Yes I do have a stable career and I have some investments. I am 34 by the way and he's 2 yrs younger than me. He told me that he think low of himself over me, for that reason he think that he needs to upgrade his career before pursuing me. He's some sort of getting intimidated as he wants to at least stabilize as same as where and what I have now. We do have mutual feelings for each other. I like him, he likes me. But for these some reasons I don't want to push forward into a relationship right away as I don't want him to be just complacent only on what he have at the present time. To be fair, I don't despise him. I believed that he can do more.

True, indeed. I will consider that. I mean you're right that if he's not passed my standards then I shouldn't tell him that things anymore. I just thought that sometimes it's also good to communicate to the person who's interested in you on what your expectations is as well, especially when I also like the person but not to the extent of having a relationship with him yet since I am not impressed in his career secureness.

Yes that's right. I just told him that because he's telling me he likes me and he wants to be with me. But I don't want to just go into a relationship when he is not stable in his career yet. That is why I opened up to him that if he really wants me to be in his life then he needs to build his career first before he starts a relationship with me as I think of a long term. He also told me that I am helping him to at least really open his mind to be better and he is in progress of improving himself because of what I said. I am just thinking if should I take this as positive or what.

I told him if you really want to be my boyfriend you needed to build up your career first as I am looking for a long term relationship and so he agree. He told me that once I get there I will be pursuing you, I only want to pursue you not anyone else. Does he mean it?