DGAudiS4

I know what you mean about having never have tried to go and see her. That has happened to me a few times... and the lesson I learned is... out of sight, out of mind. Try the NC... let her do whatever she wants and not give a crap. And you can do whatever YOU want!

Thanks guys... she does know how I feel. Everytime I try to bring it up we end up in some argument or it's the same "I just want to have fun right now and do my own thing." Maybe I'm just doing this to myself.

I appreciate those who will take the time to read what I have to say... it has just been eating me up lately... and I just wanted to get it out somewhere. We got together in the summer of 2001. I just graduated college. I found a great job and met her all at once. Life was good! I'm not what you call a serial dater. Perhaps I'm picky or too shy. I've only dated less than a handful of women before meeting her... and at the age of 23... she was my first true girlfriend. Actually, the first 2.5 years were great! The best time of my life! I actually thought I was the luckiest guy in the world... that I might just marry the first girl I truly loved. Then her mom passed away from cancer. It tore her apart. I think this attributed to the 2 times she wanted to break up to "take a break." The 1st breakup only lasted a month. I am not proud to admit it, but I cried and begged. After we got back together, things seemed good again. Fast forward a few more months... BAM... 2nd breakup. This time it was because she "wasn't sure what she wanted." This was devastating. I tried to keep my distance because we were not together, we but talked and hung out frequently. This 2nd breakup lasted a little over a year. Then by the beginning of this year, we just somehow got back together. I want to say things were great... but a part of me always said to be careful... she's already done this twice. And sure enough, on the last week of July 2006, I started noticing the way she has been looking at me and the way she sounds when she talks to me... so I demanded to know what was going on (otherwise I know she wouldn't have brought it up). Same reason again... she just doesn't "know" what she wants. I just coudln't take it anymore. How can she not know after almost 5 years? Why did she get back w/me the 2nd time?? I tried to limit my contact more-so than last time, because the last time obviously didn't do any good. Then eventually we agreed to just break off all contact. This was tough for me, because I love all her siblings. I've know and love all 3 of her nephews (3yo, 3yo, and 1yo) and her niece (newborn) their whole lives. Her family loves me very much and told me not to worry... this is just a phase. They invited me over for Thanksgiving (which I've gone every year) but I declined. They always do the Kris Kringle name picking after TDay dinner. I didn't expect to be included, but she called me later that night (I didn't answer) to tell me who she picked for me. During NC, she IM'd me and tried to call me occasionally. Of course I did not respond or answer. But after a month of NC... I gave in. I was the Best Man at her sister's wedding... and she was the Maid of Honor. I couldn't refuse to do that... it's not her sister's fault what is going on between us. So after the wedding we started to KIT more often... though there were still the occasional times she would just not tell me what she's doing "I'm going out" or "I'm just spending some time to myself." It seemed more-so lately. Then it was this past weekend that really screwed me over. For the past 4 years, my holiday party and her holiday party have always been on the same night. My holiday part was this past Friday... so I figured it would be hers. I guess I was foolish to think she would invite me. But I heard nothing from her for most of last week. I decided to go to my holiday party last minute because I didn't want to think about her. On Saturday, I came accross a picture that lead me to believe she took her "best friend" to the holiday party. I called her and she confirmed it... but got mad at me saying she can do whatever she wants and didn't have to tell me anything. She was, of course, right... but it still hurt. A little background on this guy. She met him about 3 years ago... when we had our 1st breakup. He works in the office NEXT to hers in a different company... but somehow they would meet outside. I've told her since Day 1 I didn't like that idea of her meeting someone like that and getting close to them. She promised me not to worry... they were just friends. I know she's gone out of her ways to do things for him... but I just let it slide. Now, they call each other "BF" for "Best Friend." So yes, I was totally upset and hurt. She told me we would talk later... Sunday came by and I didn't see her online so I decided to call her to finish our talk..and to apologize because I know she was right --- she CAN do whatever she wants. I knew she wasn't home and was out somewhere. She screened my 3 calls (haha, I guess you can say I went a little psycho) at around 12pm, 2:30pm, and 4:30pm. On my last call, I left a message saying just to please let me know you're OK. She called me back shortly after that. I asked if she was screening my call... and she said yes. As much as I wanted to ask what she was doing or who she was out with, I didn't. I told her I wanted to apologize in person... and to ask if she was free for dinner. She said she should be home by 7pm. So I went by... we had dinner... everything seemed OK. I also gave her her birthday present (purchased awhile ago already) since her birthday was on Tuesday (12/12) and she gave me a kiss to thank me. Even when I drove to dinner, she held my shifting hand (as she has always been doing since we first got together). Then when I left, she kissed me bye again. Why would she do that?! So on Monday I asked if I could take her out for her birthday on Tuesday. She said she had plans with her "new friends." They are a bunch of guys her cousin introduced her too... she has been hanging out w/them frequently as well. She said they were going up to SF (about 45 min drive) to go bar hopping, since she had the next day off at work. She specifically did not invite me... saying it would be a bad idea. I don't get why it would be a bad idea... if they are just friends? But then I realize that you have no obligation to invite your ex to anything. Of course, I got upset again.. but was just happy to have dinner w/her. Tuesday came around... and she called saying she didn't feel like going out... lets just have a quiet night and have cake with the kids (her nephews). Sure I said! I came by after work (it takes me about 30-60 min to get to her place depending on traffic)... got there around 5pm. She's dressed in sweats and I was like wow she ISN'T going out drinking tonight. Then she received a call and I heard her say "Yeah, we're still meeting up at 6." My heart just dropped... I tried to make the most of it since I only had an hour. She said she was tired and wanted to rest a little... so she laid down and I sat next to her. She put her arm around me as she laid there. I couldn't take it so I went downstairs to play w/the kids. She came down 20 minutes later to cut the cake. After I ate a slice of cake, it was already 6pm. I didnt want to hear her to tell me I had to go, so I volunteered to go. I knew she had to get dressed and meet up w/them. I can't believe I went all the way there and back home... and spend 30 minutes with her. She could have told me she still planned on going out. I knew she had Wednesday off so I was hoping I'd see her online while I was at work. I heard nothing from her all day... and all night. Her sister (whom she lives with) chatted w/me a little late last night. Apparently she wasn't home still when I tried to goto bed. I probably only slept 4 hours last night. Everyone tells me the signs should be obvious... and I guess they are. But then why would she still hold my hand, or put her arm around me while she laid down? If she has moved on, why won't she just tell me so I can? She keeps insisting they are all just friends... and she just wants to go out and have fun w/o feeling tied down. Her family (as well as herself) said I should go over for Christmas. Why would she invite me to family functions but not when she goes out to party or even just to spend time to ourselves? I don't know if I should go. I want to, but don't want to. Sad thing is... my family is going on vacation and I can either spend it at home alone with my brother... maybe with friends... or go spend it w/her family. I guess I'm also scared of being alone... since it took me so long to find her... how much longer will it take me to find another? :sad:

My ex & I would either refer to each other by "babe" (I know... generic)... or "Monster". We both preferred Monster more... I dont even know how it started. Sigh... I miss my Monster...

Wow... I for one love taller girls. I would totally not mind dating a girl who is taller than me... but seems like tall girls like to date taller guys (I'm 5'8).

hey i've notcied you been pm'ing out some good stuff... hook it up!

Wow that sounds almost like the same situation I've been in. My "gf"'s mom passed away early last year. Things still seemed OK but she would get depressed every now and then about her mom. Then earlier this year (shortly after her mom's 1yr death anniversary), she tells me she wants more time to herself, her friends (new guy friends she met at work), and her family. She would still tell me she loves me... but it just feels different. She would call me almost every night still.. but then some nights she wouldn't call... which drives me crazy about what she's doing. She has only come to visit me like 2-3 times since January... and usually only invites me over to see her when her family is doing something (I'm pretty close with her family... which is probably the reason why). And when I'm with her she hardly shows me any signs of affection (hardly meaning once in a random blue moon she'll show some affection). Either way, it's been ~8 months of being in this limbo state... and like you wfk1981 I don't know what to do also. I don't really know if it's just her mom's death... or other things along with it (meeting new guys, work, family, etc). And I feel like you do wfk1981... it's so hard when I'm with her because I can't just hold her Not sure what to tell you wfk1981, because I'm in the same boat you are in. Hopefully some advice will come rolling thru...