ggazoo1975

That's the thing – I wasn't told either way. When I asked, she refused to answer. If she just said "Yes, there are others" I probably would have stopped. No answering was the answer though. But because of the the "I love you" from her, I just didn't believe it.

Thank you for your post, you made a lot of sense. And thank you too for saying the above. I'm glad I'm not the only way who thinks that. Means a lot. 🤗

👍

Thank you so much for that, you certainly spoke a lot of truth – especially the part about paying for things. I didn't even think of that. 😛 I do think there was love there, and there still is on some level. I go back to things like the Christmas dinner. She is a sweet girl, but I've come to realize that she might not know what love is. That's the age difference. I don't think that she did anything that was under malice. While I do understand the "arrangement" I tend to now feel that she never should said things like "I love you" and "We're soulmates", etc. That's where I really started to feel led on. Being older though, I should have known better. I think you're right when you say "people like her". I've just never experienced this before. Still, she did tell me that she didn't want me to get hurt and was tying to protect me. On one hand, that shows she cares, but on the other hand – even knowing the situation – I do feel like she wasn't completely honest. I only feel that way because of the love and soulmate talk. She shouldn't have said that. Thank you again for your post – you open my eyes even more, and it helped a lot. 🙂

9 months ago, I started a "friends with benefits" type a relationship with a young woman. For context, she's 31(F), I'm 47(M). This does matter, and I'll share why later. She said that she wanted to “keep her boundaries” by not telling me if she was sleeping with anyone else. I should have stopped it right there. As the months passed however, we started to become very close. We had quite a few things in common, and we would spend as much time together as we could. We would stay up late talking, going for dinners, road trips, you name it. And even though we didn't spend the actual holidays together, she actually cooked me Christmas dinner, and bought me some presents. She was very sweet. But this is where I really started to get mislead. Needless to say, it felt like we were together.... but not together. It was an incredibly painful grey area to be in. We were FWB, but we both felt very attached. The words "in love" were never used, but we did say that we loved each other, a lot. And the sex was amazing. So I was led to believe that it was just me.... but, the boundaries remained. She would never answer my question about other people. This went on for 6 months. The last time we were intimate, she told me after the fact that was it was indeed the last time. She said it was be easier that way, as it might be time for us to think about stopping. I understood that, and as much as it hurt, it made sense. But I have my doubts that was the reason. Why? Because just prior to this, I did tell her that I was never comfortable with her being with other people. I think she always knew this. But given our situation, I could never say anything. I knew what I signed up for... at least I thought I did. A few weeks after our last intimate time, I took her out for dinner, as we wanted to remain friends. Still, even at that point, neither of us said that the FWB situation was over. That night though, I knew something was wrong. She looked sad... almost guilty. The next day she told me that "it's time" and we needed to stop. When I asked her why, she said that she was emotionally overwhelmed. Well, I may know why. She was very quiet for the last several weeks. But she finally texted me to say that about 2 weeks after we stopped, she got a new boyfriend. Talk about suspicious timing. We were together (but not together, remember) for 6 months, grew very close, talked about being best friends (even soulmates), loving each other... only for her to have a new boyfriend 2 weeks after? So I started to put the pieces together. I think she was with this guy while we were together, sometime near the end. Maybe not in a relationship, but she was definitely spending time with him. Maybe even sleeping with him, but I don't know that for sure. That's why she looked so guilty. She did tell me after that he was "always around", but tried to sell it as though he was just a friend... thing is, I never knew he even existed until now. And I thought we were supposed to be so close. I mentioned earlier that our ages matter. We're both caucasian, and before me, she would typically date brown guys her age. Well, her knew boyfriend is a white guy... and almost the same age as me. Ouch. What's also hard too is that I can't just walk away... because you guessed it, we work together. In her mind, we are still friends, but I don't know. She's asked so much of me emotionally already. But, I do have to work with her. Ugh. It was all such an awful grey area to be in... but the love was there. Now that it’s over, the thought of her with someone else… someone who she may been with while she was with me… has caused me so much anxiety, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I want to let it go and move on. I know I’m only hurting myself here. Am I wrong here for feeling betrayed, knowing the situation? Is she wrong with how she handled things? How can I work with her? How can we stay friends? I really appreciate any advice on how to get past this, and what to do next. Even writing this helps, so thank you to anyone who took the time to read.