lifescucumber

People asking clarifying questions: We're in our 30s and have been dating for about a year and a half. We've always had problems with trust in our relationship. Not for cheating or anything like that, but because he wasn't honest about his past with me, and because he was pretty terrible at honoring commitments when we started dating. Inconsistent behavior and half-truths led to my distrust, but we are working on this. Of course, something like this wouldn't have bothered me if we had relationship with minimal arguments, but we have been rocky for the past few months due to the issues above. I'll also be candid and say I don't appreciate the comments to the effect of "stop going through other people's things" -- hello, we live together. It was in our shared desk. Like I said in the original post, I don't plan on bringing this up to him because I think retroactive jealousy is something I need to deal with on my own, but I understand why some people are suggesting that I do. But thank you for the people who validated that it's normal to feel uncomfortable (and like I said, I know it's normal for people to keep memorabilia as well). Looking at the brighter side of reality is super helpful, as some of you pointed out. He's with me now, and we are living together. He's happy with me, and we have very deep feelings for each other. If any of you also struggle with jealousy and have methods of coping with it on your own, please let me know! I am not going to let this add to the pile of things we argue about.

I was rifling through our shared desk drawer, thought this notebook might be new, and then discovered it wasn't. It's a notebook that has some handwritten love letters from his ex. They were college sweethearts and broke up almost 10 years ago because she moved for a job. I know I shouldn't have read them at all, but I skimmed the first one - very romantic and sweet. I am a little uncomfortable that he kept the notebook. We even recently cleaned our apartment and he threw away a bunch of things because of the "clutter", including a stamp collection he had since he was a kid and birthday cards from his family and friends. My boyfriend regards her as the one that got away. He told me that it took him 6 years to get over her and start dating again. I don't plan on bringing this up to him. I put the notebook right back where I found it. I recognize that my behavior is a type of retroactive jealousy and that many people keep mementos from past relationships, though. Is it normal for me to feel uncomfortable? What should I do to cope with my retroactive jealousy? Or, what should I do in general?