pinkie

I'm not too sure if I am responding to your question as you asked it, but maybe a bit of both? Instinctively I seek the company of others I like and who like me and avoid behaviours that will endanger this and instead act in a way that they find enjoyable. However, I have to learn about the particular person to know what they like and do not like, what makes our friendship fun for both of us. Some things instinctively I know that all people generally like, namely because I do, but I have noticed that some friendships are different and require greater effort to maintain. Most of my friendships require little effort and obvious learning about the other person. Learning about them occurs naturally through the course of our friendship, but is not so essential to it. However, I have one friend and we take great delight in learning about the other and ourselves through them and our interactions. Sometimes it is really hard and frustrating when what each requires from the other person is different or the same but not something either wishes to admit. I'll give an example because that is really ambiguous. Well this one friend and I are really, really close, yet under the surface we are both quite reserved individuals when it comes to putting ourselves out there. So it took about 3years for us both to recognize that we like others to need us more than we need them and we are very anti admitting to anyone that they are really important to us and their emotions and actions towards us are taken very seriously and have the potential to greatly hurt us. It took 3 years for me to learn to trust her and learn that her pride is as important to her as me. Acknowledging this vulnerability was good for our friendship, it is easier to handle and maintain because the other now knows more about what the other requires and how to avoid hurting them. It has made us both more secure in the friendship.

Often for me I think how enjoyable an orgasm is depends on how turned on I am. As someone mentioned earlier changing locations, positions, stimuli etc. can help, but for me it's ALL about the fantasy. The more excited I am about what I am thinking the more turned on I get and the better my orgasms . So I take the time to set the scene in my head and get a bit of a plot going. If your imaginations not that productive get your hands on some erotic novels perhaps, hell if your desperate a mills & boon .

20 yrs old and i think i am probably somewhere on the knifes edge with Blacksmithdave

It was really hard for me to accept, but when people act that way generally the truth is they just don't feel for you like that, they just need someone, anyone who will make them feel better. You obviously still care about her as she had become a big part of your life and generally no one spends 3 years with someone they don't like as a person, but you also seem to naturally now be feeling bitter and frustrated towards her and yourself. I'm sorry to say it 'cause it always really hurts to acknowledge, but I don't see there is much likelihood of you in the foreseeable future ending up together purely because you are unequal in the way you feel about each other and this inequality only heightens her disregard for you in that way. You mention her friends so I'm guessing she then has people to support her and be there for her while she is grieving. So you should be honest with yourself about how you feel and the reality of her feelings and have no compunction in avoiding her and trying to interest yourself in new things. New things as in friends and activities, NOT a new relationship because you'll find yourself probably disappointed, with someone you are not inspired by or worse unnecessarily hurting someone else because you find your still not over your ex. Very rarely can ex's still be friends and only if they both don't like each like that anymore. You still do to a certain extent and if you try and keep the door open you will probably get used by her for a bit or you will spend all the time you can with her as "friends" overanalysing everything she says and does, getting jealous and generally getting your hopes up only to have them dashed. When you like/love someone you don't see how they cannot reciprocate or wouldn't if they saw you more clearly, spent more time with you, weren't blinded or knew you better. Phew…. I have waffled on for ages but I hope it helps and is not too garbled. The main thing I have found for myself to get 'over' someone is always to be honest with myself, how I feel and my motivations. Try to move on, we all deserve somone who is wise to our [censored], yet adores us anyway