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whyme8

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Everything posted by whyme8

  1. @luna88 thnaks for the reply. I need to process your words and take my time in responding. I just cant do it right now. But i really appreciate your help. It means a lot.
  2. @Rose MosseI feel like youre a real life therapist lol. My misgivings about her past are coming from me just being a man. I know off no man that is ok with knowing about their partners past without having some kind of jealousy issue internally esp if we know who those partners are. "Ideally" we dont want to date someone that has already been wiht people you know. I saw this issue coming even before we started dating and that was part of the reason why i held off on dating her for so many years. We both knew we liked each other way before we started dating. I was holding off the best i could because i know myself. I saw this coming from a mile away. But things happen and i fell in love. I think you are absolutely right in that i am emotionally attached to her, although i dont really understand what that really means ? i really dont. I am very comfortable around her. i can be myself. And so can she.. Unless you mean "comfortable" in a different context ? There was not an "actual" break up. It might sound ridiculous, but we have broken up no less than 5 times over the past 2 years that we just know how it works. But we both knew, when the text messages through out the day stopped, and the no nightly phone calls stopped. And went no contact for a couple weeks. This is couple months ago.
  3. @Rose Mosse Thank you for being straight forward with me. I appreciate it. I do. I need it. Part of the reason why she fell in love with me is because of how i am with her daughter. I treat her like she is my own. We had so many great times together. But im not sure if i was doing it because i didnt want to lose the relationship or was it something else. Its obviously a package. Its both or none. Part of me is willing to do it because i am deeply in love her and i dont want to lose her. On the other hand, im just very unsure of what the future holds because of how i am. I can see it being blissful, but i can also see it being completely miserable. Im not sure if she's completely moved on. She called me the other day crying from just having a bad day. We even spent a few hours together at a park, just me and her, although we didnt talk about our breakup at all. we just kind of walked around, ate, and left with a hug. Although this time around, she doesnt seem too sad at all and have said nothing that would let me to believe that there could be another go at this. And i have too much ego to insinuate it.
  4. We're both 41. Theres been so many fights i cant even pin point to anything specific. They were all different. i would type them all out here and be specific but my thoughts at this moment is just too much. I could go pages. i want to think i am not like this with others, but i also feel like i am. i am good person but have issues too. Boxing match sounds like a fair judgement because sometimes it does feel that way. As far as the jealousy goes, she has never did anything that would make me jealous like for instance flirting etc. She has never put me in that position. My jealousy thoughts are from her past. Its something that i have always struggled to handle. I dont know how to help myself in that regard. i feel as though our incompatibility can be fixed with sacrifices, but to which extend ? Am i willing ? Im also dealing with a child that is not mine. Although i love the daughter (4 yrs old) to pieces. Im also insecure about how she would be when she grows up. Will be i be resented ? She also brings up he dad in front of me, and id go along with it like it doesn't bother me. But it does a little bit. But i just have to act its ok, since in reality, im not her dad, and shes only being a child. Its something i have to accept although its hard and im not sure how long i can deal with it.. Will i grow into it and it being ok in the future? i dont know. Thank you for replying. I just need some words to help me emotionally right now. I feel like i should i let go, but its just so dang hard.
  5. A bit of history. We work together. still do. I see her once a week during our shift. We have been friends for many many years. And stupidly decided to date each other right before the pandemic. i have dated or have had sexual relations with few of her friends. And she has had the same with a few people i know. However, things like that does not effect her. It does with me, because my jealous self would always hate the fact that she has had relations with people i know, although they are not around anymore. im constantly thinking to myself, how these dudes have treated her before i came along. It kills my mood every time, although i never show it. I just suck it up and deal with it. She also has a kid (will talk about this below) So we started dating before the pandemic. During the pandemic we had a lot of time off and got to spend our first year together quite a lot and everything was fantastic. At one point, we even said how come we didnt do this sooner. PArt of the reason is because i didnt want to. I knew in hte back of my head that dating her would be a disaster because im the jealous type but i NEVER show it. But i know her past relationships with people i know will always bother me. I went against my desire and did it anyway because she was attractive and i was always attracted to her. She fell in love with me within a couple months and everything went great the first year with a few bad fights along hte way but we always managed to get back together because deep down, we LOVE each other. We really do love each other. She wanted to have my child but i was just too afraid to do it. We talked about future plans, marriage, house etc etc. So here we are over 2 years later, we had many more fights just to get back together until the next fight. Some serious, some not so serious but they were fights nonetheless that just kept deteriorating our relationship. I guess you could say it was toxic. But this last fight couple months ago was probably the nail in the coffin. We fought while on vacation in Europe. And when we got home things kept deteriorating day by day. texting less and less, no more late night phone calls etc. I hung out with her and her kid a couple of times past couple months. im a very stubborn person and i have too much ego to tell her that i still want to get back together even when i know its not the best idea but despite alllll these negative thoughts that i have, I am stupidly in love with this person. In the past, after fights, one of us would always send the first text to reconcile. This time, i think, she's really moving on and its absolutely devastating for me. i cant stop thinking about her. id also like to apologize for the grammatical errors. I am just too heartbroken to fix anything. I desperately need some words of wisdom from you guys to help me.
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