annjam

I'm not in a subject where I can withdraw from classes, everything is mandatory and needs to be passed unfortunately, and are mostly closed book exams. I wish I could say I was taking exams too seriously but I'm more worried I'm not taking them seriously enough. I study Medicine, and am in my first year. I am first year Uni halls, and have about 4 other people in my flat. I don't really have a problem of lack of people around me to help me out, a lot of my friends are really supportive, it's more the fact I just want someone to tell me what to do at all times rather than being there to support me. I also love my degree, the things we learn are so fascinating, and on the few placements I have had so far, I love the clinic. My parents have always been strict but never have pushed me to do a certain degree or pick a certain life pathway, i worked hard to get into this degree by myself. My problem is more to do with the fact I can't seem to do anything at all, not just to do with uni, but also like day to day things. I think a lot of people around me think I'm fine, because in terms of social events, my friends drag me out all the time and we have fun, so others think I'm living my best life, but once I'm by myself again and have no one to tell me what to do, I retreat back into this lazy version of me. I have tried to make schedules and plans, but I can never trick myself to make it believable that someone is telling me to do everything. On the other hand, during my last exam period, I had a friend who forced me to do work in front of her for a few days, and I stayed at her's for a while, and I had never been so productive. My goal isn't good grades right now, I just need to pass my modules especially since first year doesn't count. It's really weird, because previous to Covid, I have always gone above and beyond in my academia, working ridiculously hard and often sacrificing personal things easily to do so. But the pandemic came like a massive halt to all that and I haven't really been to restart myself. Thanks for everyone's replies, and a few of you mention looking into therapy for burnout. That's not a bad idea, but I'm not sure if I really am burnt out. It also wouldn't help with the exam situation in terms of lessening my burden; currently my university do not accept extenuating circumstances so close to exams. annjam x

I don't know how to go about achieving a relationship like this, but i need someone to to tell me what to do at all times. Since Covid, I have had no real grasp on my life, and struggle to get the motivation to do day to day tasks. I'm currently entering exam season, and realistically need to be studying about 10 hours a day to catch up on all the work I've missed at university this semester before I have to sit my closed book exams. I forget to have showers, and eat unhealthily and my room is a mess. I don't even sleep normally, I usually go to sleep at 5am and wake up at 10am and then sleep again at 4pm and wake up at 8pm. Not to mention just hours of mindlessly lying in bed, either watching shows and reading books or just daydreaming. I just want the sense of normality back, and I weirdly, I just want someone to tell me what to do at all times. An online relationship where someone pretty much controls every aspect of my life sounds like a weird thing to advertise for for but I have no idea where I would look for someone like that. And ideas for anyone on this site for me to find something like this?