luna88

Unfortunately, this is more common than you would think. My ex withdrew mid way through sex as a power/control thing and I feel it was because he simply didn't care and it hurt me very much on an emotional level that he did that to me. Some men do seek sex for emotional connection too and some men can use this as a weapon. As a woman, who does like sex for the emotional connection.. I can relate to the partner in feeling vulnerable and very hurt. I probably would've reacted similarly. I would've been so hurt that it would have made it hard to even hug them goodbye even. I can understand from both men and women if sex was already started and the person changes their mind I can definitely see how it would make the other partner feel taken advantage and hurt. It's more than just simply rejection behind the hurt. I think that in this situation, even if it wasn't intentional that the withdrawal from sex was a control thing... The bigger issue is taking a good deep look at the reasons why you don't feel emotionally connected to your partner. If you really really want to work things out then you two need to seriously consider counseling to work out the problems that are leading to the emotional disconnect and work really hard on rebuilding the trust and the connection. All of the issues and the need to rebuild is first and foremost in order to have a healthy sexual relationship and connection. If the problems are just too big and there are too many differences and if you don't feel connected and in love enough to be motivated to fix this then please do both of you a favor and end things.

The relationship you two had doesn't sound like it was very healthy. If you two were arguing so badly you'd have to break up and get together... That's just not how a healthy relationship flows. My husband and I had some bad arguments before we got married and a few afterwards (we've only been married for a year), however, after arguments and cooling off we would always always get to a point where we could reconcile and we never had to break up in order to do that. We always hit a point where we realized the the argument wasn't worth it if we truly loved each other we would end up focusing on our love and willingness to fight for our relationship and not be each other's enemy. When your involved in an unhealthy relationship it tends to get out of hand to the point people break up and then when you get back together you jump back into things without truly solving or working on the issues and it's only a matter of time before it happens again.. like a roller coaster! I think it's best for you to focus on moving on. I also see that you are acknowledging the fact that you have jealousy issues and that's a good start! I'd recommend really working on this within yourself before you begin dating again. Unfortunately, anyone you meet or date is bound to have a past of some sort. It's a bit unrealistic to think that you'd be the first person they were attracted to or dated. Plus, you have a past as well. I understand being a little jealous because I think that's a very human reaction but you have to learn how to deal with that within yourself in a healthy way and to work on how you perceive a person's past and respect it. I understand you got close with her daughter and sometimes that it one of the rougher things to deal with during a break up. I have an ex, who is also the father of my daughter (now 11), I was with him for a little over 2 years and I was really close with his older daughters. Since I had a child with him and those girls were my daughter's sisters I chose to be involved in their lives even after we broke up. I'd see them at least once a month on weekends and such. I did have to reach a point when they got older to set my own boundaries so that I wouldn't be going over and beyond my own mental capacity for children that weren't mine. I did this for other bigger reasons that involve a lot of drama and such. In your case, you two were never married and don't have kids together and as hard as it is I'd probably recommend cutting those ties with the daughter. She has a father and she is young and if her mom eventually moves on and dates someone else that relationship will likely change and be too complicated. If it's possible to change jobs I'd make it a goal. If not, just work really hard on yourself and find new people to associate with even if it's outside of work. Take up some new hobbies. Maybe get some counseling to talk about things and work on your goals for yourself. Concentrate on what you can do to better yourself and gain more confidence! You got this!

The break up is still very fresh. If the relationship ended on good terms maybe one day things will level out enough in the future. For right now, the main focus needs to be on you and healing and beginning the process of letting go. It's not easy but right now she can't be the one to help you with that. Get involved in some hobbies or find a new hobby. Hang out with friends or meet new ones. If you work or go to school try to be more involved if you feel you are able. Take time to relearn how to enjoy moments on your own.. watch a movie, paint, listen to music, go for a walk or exercise. Volunteer with something in your community. Anything you can do to meet your mind off of the relationship and keep you distracted on things that can benefit you is best. Thinking about her and the relationship is inevitable.. it's gonna happen and you'll have some hard times. It's ok to allow yourself time to grieve. Be mad or sad etc.. write it down in a journal or vent in a healthy way but do your absolute best to avoid going to her. She needs her time and space to heal as well.

Why do you have the hang ups with being manually stimulated? Is there a possibility you'd be open to trying those things or working on getting comfortable with those activities? Is it possible for him to slow down or stop for a little bit to calm down before he ejaculates too soon? If you've tried other methods or the other methods are too uncomfortable for you to try then I agree with incompatibility in that department. With this kind of issue it would require openness to trying different things and it doesn't sound like that's an option here. If the rest of the relationship doesn't make it worth trying to work on both of your issues and hang ups it's best to cut your losses and move on.