Hey everyone I'll try to keep it short and I would really like any help. I have been with my bf for 3 years and we have a very loving relationship. We’ve had some ups and downs but have worked through any issues we had and I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. We are truly in love and he treats me better than any guy ever has.
But then last weekend my boyfriend and I were at a party, and this cute guy I knew was there because he was friends with the couple who owned the house. Well, it somehow ended up that me and this guy were kinda hanging on each other, but to be fair it was only because we were joking around wrestling and tickling each other. At the time I wasn't thinking, I just considered it joking around. Well it hurt my boyfriend and I can understand that. I guess I assumed my boyfriend knew that I don't think of other guys that way so the thought that he would be mad didn't cross my mind. So I understand I messed up, but now he feels like he can't trust me anymore. He was furious with me and practically refused to talk to me afterwards.
This happened Saturday night, then Tuesday out of the blue he starts to ask me about it again. It turns out he was recording everything that night on his phone and he wanted me to watch it with him so I could see how “terrible” I was behaving. I wasn’t interested but he insisted. I have to admit the video looked worse than I remember. I remember wrestling and getting in a tickle fight with him, but imho I thought he started it. But watching the video it looked like I was the instigator. I kept walking up to him and pinching or tickling him until he fought back and we were wrestling around. I also couldn’t remember us doing it that much, but in the video we were wrestling and tickling each other most the entire time, like 2 hours. I was even sitting on his lap for a time while we “fought” each other. I told him I must have been more drunk than I thought because I didn’t remember it being that bad. Then he kept asking me over and over why would I do this? I honestly didn’t know what to say because truthfully there was no reason besides I was just joking around.
We end up fighting and just going to sleep. Then Wednesday morning he asked me if I was mad at him and I said no, I just didn't know where we stand. He didn't understand what I meant. So I asked him flat out, do you want to break up with me because you have been acting kinda distant since the whole thing happened. He said no, we aren't going to break up, I just don't understand why you did it. Again, I didn't know what to say because the truth is I was just playing and joking around. Well, last night he was acting weird so I asked him again, and he didn't answer me. So I was like, does what you said in the car still stand, and he said yes. Then after that we were fine. He just keeps taking everything I say so personal. I feel like everything I say to him is wrong.
This morning he did say he loved me twice which he hasn't said without me saying it to him first since that night. I was just wondering if ya'll think he is telling the truth when he says he doesn't want to break up or if he is just trying not to hurt me. Cause right now I am hurting every day thinking he hates me. I know I messed up but do I deserve to be tortured for so long? I mean, it’s not like my boyfriend doesn’t have a lot of trust issues also. I don't know what to do because I thought of just breaking up with him but it hurts to bad. But staying with him hurts also. Thanks for listening. Any advice will help. Thanks again.
