willowthebestpillow
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- Birthday 09/10/2002
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Huh? Why don't I like him anymore??
willowthebestpillow replied to willowthebestpillow's topic in Trust and Relationships
Batya 🙂 your screenname puts a smile on my face since it's so cute. Its nice since failed dates need not imply fault on anyone per se; maybe a few other people have similar issues at early ages like me. It's so fragile and there is an element of "***" to the early phases in dating that I'm not enjoying a lot. He texted me for a post-date conversation and I let him know I don't really see it working - no reply ! I guess I'm not the only person to feel bad about it but I don't take comfort in knowing that he may be hurt. -
Huh? Why don't I like him anymore??
willowthebestpillow replied to willowthebestpillow's topic in Trust and Relationships
Yep. sounds like me. right down to the part about being "avoidant late bloomer". 👌 I think I should come to expect the difficulty and confusion because some family dynamics are not conducive with healthy baseline/attachment styles, it will take a lot more effort to grow out of any emotional immaturity 👍 -
Why does this happen? LOL. I've gone from being super into somebody to feeling completely repulsed to them out of nowhere. Don't ask me why coz I haven't the foggiest 💁♀️ Actually it's pretty upsetting to go from one extreme to another where you see a future with them and then you have to reject them somewhat abruptly. Our first date was pretty middle of the road, but our second date was fantastic, I left feeling completely overcome with excitement and we had so much fun together. We waited a week for the third date? Perhaps it was just too soon for him to visit my house. In any case pretty much as soon as we started our hangout, something changed in my mentality, my perception of him became increasingly more negative throughout the evening even while nothing stood out as a turn off. I'm seeing a pattern because this has happened a few times with several different guys and I cant understand why my attraction switches on and off so much.
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Please send help lol - thoughts needed
willowthebestpillow replied to willowthebestpillow's topic in Dating Advice
We text every other day or so 🙂 after he left my place of work Wednesday, he texted me to deliver the compliments instead -
Please send help lol - thoughts needed
willowthebestpillow replied to willowthebestpillow's topic in Dating Advice
Honestly aside from this there hasn't been any serious red flags 🤔 he's been very chill about moving at the pace I set and his personality is amazing. He presented himself with a little bit of arrogance at first and it was unflattering on him to condescend to people who prescribe to anything other than his political opinion, once I made a passing remark though that implied a different stance he dropped the attitude and became a lot more accepting/non judgemental. -
Please send help lol - thoughts needed
willowthebestpillow replied to willowthebestpillow's topic in Dating Advice
Pardon me for saying so, but I feel like I'm repeating myself at this point? Is that a rhetorical question? I don't really understand the relevance I'm pretty new to this community too although sometimes the forum responses feel almost hostile (key word here: feel 🤔 ) Maybe it will make more sense once I get sleep It's been enough for me to be friends with this guy for the past month and a half, it's been a nice transition; strangers to friends and now the potential for something romantic has returned. Post-first date I turned him down for a second date because of how much anxiety I was experiencing at that time and we opted for friendship and texting casually for awhile instead of meeting up anymore. Call me crazy, I'll save you the trouble of wondering if I'm emotionally invested after ""one date,,,, or not though, it's a yes, one month+ of flirting via text does that to me 😇 *insert the sassy footnote I'm currently too tired to construct* -
Please send help lol - thoughts needed
willowthebestpillow replied to willowthebestpillow's topic in Dating Advice
It would quickly become overkill to provide every detail so I picked and chose the context I would provide in this post 🤔 thanks for the concern! -
Intense anxiety issues as I start up dating again
willowthebestpillow replied to frozenfirebird's topic in Dating Advice
My suggestion?: don't drag out the online talking phase so long before meeting in real life. Keep it brief enough to develop a connection on some level and then either insist upon making an irl meeting happen, keep the interactions brief until your person feels comfortable to do so, or disengage and meet somebody who is willing to meet in real life sooner. From experience the longer you pre-date chat/text the more anxiety and expectation has a chance to accumalate. You've been talking online for X amount of time, and during that time, you both are creating potentially unfounded perceptions of eachother. It's better to develop the impressions that will last in real life - it also gives you your best shot at actually meeting somebody like minded and eligible since a positive online persona doesnt always translate into having those great connections and conversations in real life (although, yes, it can help!!) IDK just my two cents since it definately made a difference for me when I switched to primarily keeping my interactions with tinder people irl 🙂 -
Please send help lol - thoughts needed
willowthebestpillow replied to willowthebestpillow's topic in Dating Advice
He's honestly the sweetest 🙂 ill stay positive, thankyou homie !! -
Please send help lol - thoughts needed
willowthebestpillow replied to willowthebestpillow's topic in Dating Advice
Oh I said hello and was friendly as per my usual when I brought their food out - I simply skipped returning to the table l8r when I noticed he was trying to get my attention/summon me over with repeated eye contact throughout the evening. -
Please send help lol - thoughts needed
willowthebestpillow replied to willowthebestpillow's topic in Dating Advice
It could be a dealbreaker. But also I wonder why it was so imperative to meet his friends before we've even gone on our second date ever, it seemed early and untimely. Please don't be sorry 🙂🤌 -
Ok, context - I'm 19, F, and I have very little dating experience, this is one of very few guys I have accepted a second date with. My date shows up sometimes during my shifts since he goes for drinks with friends every Wednesday at my lounge (this was how we met). Something that has largely complicated my dating life is social anxiety, and sometimes I react unusually to perfectly average social situations due to overwhelming discomfort, dread, fear, etc. Recently, my guy came to my workplace for drinks. I'm a food expeditor so I served their table a few times during the night. At one point their server approached me to tell me how he was saying how beautiful my eyes are and how he wishes to compliment my appearence in person. Hours later, he's still sitting at the table with his friends, he has been trying very hard to get my attention, and my server was telling me she doesn't think he would leave until I came over to speak with him. 1 - Am I wrong for being hugely uncomfortable with the expectation i will mingle with him during my work and refusing to approach while he is with his social circle? - I didn't want to meet his friends. Now that Ive ignored him, I'm feeling insecure in our texting conversations and I'm not really sure if it was a mistake or if he will hold it against me for being afraid. 2 - How to differentiate the ""social anxiety"" from actual anxiety that should eliminate the potential for a relationship? If that makes sense? I'm asking if the anxiety means I shouldn't be dating him. I'm thinking I might have ROCD as well and I'm completely mixed up about everything. This is somebody who has been hugely understanding so far about my extreme avoidance tendencies and completely irrational obsessive worry that comes out of nowhere, it might be the only reason I'm going out again with him tomorrow. But I don't want to lead him on if this is something that has no chance of working out, even though it does not seem to be a deal breaker for him thus far I don't know *when* my anxiety becomes reason enough to break things off. Sorry if that was super exhaustive to read my thoughts are super scattered currently Xoxox