Most of my few remaining close friends i have from school i largely keep in touch with because of my best friend. She was and still is the friend i see the most outside of school and it is her who i went to prom with. I had a girlfriend for most of the time I have known her, and for the time i was taken, I do not feel that I was in any way emotionally cheating. I think I have had feelings for her "under the surface", but since i loved our friendship so much (and my girlfriend) i never did anything about it and i think that it just faded and i could just appreciate her as a very good friend for the time.
Over a month ago my girlfriend broke up with me. It was a very turmultuous thing and she was in a very bad place. After this I had a very bad week but then frighteningly quickly realized that it was probably for the best and I found some inner peace. Even though I still miss the things we had together I'm still confused about how quickly I (for the most part) got over it.
My best friend in question and her bestie (who is also a very dear friend of mine) moved to Germany the same day my girlfriend and i broke up. A week ago she then asked me to come visit the weekend and so i did, since it is "only" an 8 hour train ride. It was a crazy fun and nice weekend and i was honestly broken when i eventually went home. This weekend she came home to do some technical things with the government and i got to see her again and will get to see her again once more tomorrow. A few days ago i started slowly realizing i have feelings for her and then two days ago another friend of mine texted me that she thought we could be a cute couple and i think everything just got back up. I just got this crazy childish crush back up and i have not been able to think about anything other than her. It has honestly been a horrible couple days.
I now see a couple possible approaches none of which i see a nice ending to.
First i could confess my feelings tomorrow. It feels like very wierd timing and a little out of nowhere. I also feel like i have mentally jinxed it and that she most likely doesn't feel the same since i have a hard time believing she have liked me the whole time or started to same as me. It might be good to know that she never really went out with guys for the time i have known her with a few exceptions.
If she doesn't like me back then i have just ruined my relationship with pretty much the most important person in my life and since she connects so closely to my other friends, I'm afraid to lose all of what I have with them as well. If she does like me back though - great. No matter what though, she will go back to Germany tomorrow and i have no idea when i will be able to see her again. Her and her bestie have plans of staying abroad for at least a couple months.
Do you also think that all of this may be a bit too sudden? Shouldn't i wait and see if i haven't just gotten insane?
I feel like my feelings is ruining my life slowly but surely... What do you guys propose i do?
Thank you! :)<3
