yetbai1234

Wiseman2 - she does not and it breaks my heart to think about the situation with her. bluecastle - I think this is the right advice at the end of the day but alas it is so difficult. I just wish this woman can be with me as we try to learn more about each other and decide - rather than, as selfish as this sounds, prematurely ending it on pessimism while we are so passionate about each other. It is just that I've never had a relationship get awry because it went too well I guess.

He did not but they had an argument the night before where he felt like she had been "a different person" for the last few months and I think it hit her particularly hard. I don't disagree with you but I just think this episode highlights the weaknesses in both of our relationships. It makes us wonder if our respective SOs are really right and whether or not those would've gone on too much longer regardless.

Hopefully this is a no judgement zone... just looking for some perspective. Please try to be understanding. I am a 30 year old male and she is a 29 year old female. We are both married. I first saw her when I started going to a new gym. It was just a casual glance here and there - there was a mutual intrigue between us as we are both quite active and fit. We had similar schedules so ran into each other quite often. We never approached one another though as we had SOs / shyness etc. Over time people in the gym got to know each other because there just weren't a lot of patrons (COVID). We had mutual acquaintances and knew of each other but again had never really spoken outside of an occasional "hello". Eventually one day a mutual friend, who was surprised we had never met, introduced us. We had casual chats which led to attending a couple of social events (with others) and eventually did some fitness related stuff together (classes etc.). We both realized the attraction / chemistry was immense - it was incredibly difficult to overcome. This went well beyond physical appearances. We tried to keep our distance for a while after. Eventually we both caved. We went from innocent walks on the pier to coffee to dinners to taking weekend trips together. These experiences were just incredible - she felt like my other half / soulmate in every sense of the word. It's hard to overstate the connection honestly - it's almost otherworldly. Safe to say we fell in love with each other. I, of course, feel incredibly guilty about this and had never been unfaithful before. I'm not sure why this time but it happened. Initially I tried to play it off as a mistake, then something casual, and now wondering if this woman is actually the right one for me. It's very difficult to process these feelings and I am certainly aware that morally I'm very wrong. She, as one would expect, struggles with the very same. This had been very apparent right from the beginning. She's tried multiple times to exit the "relationship" but always eventually couldn't fully bring herself to fully doing it. This struggle has gotten worse as we both realize how "real" the connection is - that there is a future here (we've joked about starting a family etc.) and that we'd be certainly together had it not been for our existing commitments. It also doesn't help that every person who's seen us hang out socially (with others) thinks we are a couple made for each other even though we are just "friends" in those circles. I should also add that she generally is less optimistic, at least towards this, than I am. Recently, after a particularly great weekend together even for our standards, she decided that "this was the time" that she was going to exit. She said she just couldn't do this anymore as it was just too difficult / painful to juggle. She said she doesn't believe in the future and that we should just stay away from each other for a couple of weeks so we can return to some sense of normalcy. I initially tried to convince her to not do this but eventually agreed to the no contact for some period of time - I told her I know that she needs the space / time and that I'm doing this so that we can give ourselves a chance after. I'm not sure that she agreed to the second part but that's where we left it. Of course I know this is not sustainable either but I just want us to spend more time together before making any sort of "decision". We are now in the middle of this "no contact" period. I miss her dearly. I don't know what will happen after. A part of me feels confident about us / a part of me thinks she is very firm about moving on. I don't want to lose her. I think there's something very special going on. I've tried to process this myself and jump from conclusion (moving on) to conclusion (doing everything I can to revive) by the hour. I just want more time with her. I don't know what specific question I'm asking. If there's one that comes to mind it's "how can I get her back to me". It's irresponsible probably but it's all I can think of and want. Please try to understand this. It's almost cathartic to type this just so someone else can read it / say what they want to say - this isn't a topic that either of us can talk to other people about. Thank you.