I started a full time job on February 1st. I immediately met a team of around 30 people who were very close knit and welcomed me in but it was very overwhelming as I generally get on better with guys and I've pretty bad social anxiety and there's only 2 guys on the team. There are around 70-100 on our floor so this is a very public office.
I got on so well with these 2 guys who happened to be training me, especially one of them who was single. Almost instantly people started teasing us stating how similar we are. I personally felt uncomfortable with this but decided to roll with it. Inevitably we started having tension, I'd walk past his desk everyday when I'd finished training and he'd comment, flirt, ask me questions, state how funny he thought I was and I tried my hardest not to crush on him but he eventually asked me (off handedly) if I wanted to join everyone at the local bar one night. He bought me a drink last week and upon asking what I get up to on weekends said
"I'm out most weekends cos I'm single you see...."
He then walked me home and asked LOTS of questions. I immediately felt chemistry between us but was perplexed why he'd leave work everyday, completely oblivious to me and never really making any effort unless I walked past him. Still, this week he came up to me immediately on valentines day, pulled my hair a little and stumbled on his words asking how my weekend was. I decided to fully go full on with him, I became touchy with him too, enjoying the awkward but sparky connection. That's where things changed.
The whole week he's been chatty still but not making any effort in our breaks or after work and I thought he was either shy or playing hard to get and being someone so in tune with vibes, energy and my general overthinking, I decided to be bold yesterday and ask him "I believe I still owe you a drink, don't I? Are you going to the bar after?".. This was brave but slightly disastrous. I was so nervous that I didn't realise how many people heard and though he agreed, he was very cold with me all day.
The night was horrendous. He went to the bar, mumbled something about me buying him a drink then took it, went on his phone and I sat awkwardly with 3 other people I don't know well. He then said "oh I'm buying a drink for Sarah, I do it all the time for my mates". This truly pissed me off as it was his way of gesturing that he didn't intend to buy me a drink last week as more then a mate, this girl Sarah was actually lovely and had a boyfriend but he stayed in her eye contact whilst talking to me coldly and when she left he said "think I'm gonna go too". It seems many people at the bar were aware of this catastrophe as people were being overly chatty to him so he wouldn't have to talk to me and I felt absolutely humiliated .
The girl left us to meet her boyfriend and he seemed very eager to get away from me. I couldn't help myself. I immediately cornered him and told him how embarrassed I felt. I told him I was playing along with the flirting as I enjoyed it and that his hot & cold signals made me uncomfortable. He started to walk away saying how he didn't know what I was talking about but I got very forward with him, saying he stroked my hair, flirted publicly and how he'd made a fool of me Infront of the office. I'm aware this was very impulsive but I'm highly attentive to my feelings and wanted to get clarity. He told me he barely knew me and that he's like that with everyone. It ended horribly awkward but he hugged me and said we can start afresh on Monday.
I know I crossed a line here, but I'm glad I was true to my feelings. I'm still the new girl and thankfully not near his desk but I feel so SO embarrassed. He is very popular and I'm aware everyone will be talking.
I'm quite resilient and have often messed up with my intensity with guys but never in a work setting. I've messed up and can't stop thinking about Monday - how do I be? Do I brush this off? I feel terrible
