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These are some very common and simple words, but I had not thought about them and think seeing things this way will really help! Thank you. Damn, you have no idea how much I needed to hear these exact words! They made me feel so much better, and I agree with them completely. Thank you thank you

Hello! I am currently a college student on a 3 year and 3 month long relationship with my girlfriend. I am writing this probably a couple of hours before having that ugly talk with my girlfriend, in which I am going to lay all the cards in the table and see how we proceed. Most probably, a break up or time off will be in order. I have been dancing with the idea of breaking up with her for some months, and it just became a real thing I have given much thought to, 3 weeks ago. However, I can't help but feel that my reasons make me an a**hole. I'm going to tell you a lot about myself and about her, so you can understand who we are and how I feel. See, I am a high-achieving international Computer Science student in the US, on a dream. I came here with a full 4-year tuition scholarship due to my excelling academic and extra curricular records. I have a lot of dreams I work daily towards, one of them is becoming a Virtual Reality developer for which just yesterday I got my dream paid student job as a creative developer in a research center. I have a lot hobbies and things I am passionate about like backpacking, rock climbing, coding, gaming, and learning. I love and value learning so much, and spend hours reading about history like Ancient Greece, Norse Mythology, Napoleonic Wars; about Philosophy, Physics and Astrophysics, technology, genetics, etc... Even if I was not interested in it before, I still have a deep value for learning something new, from anyone. I am not the nicest person because I think nobody should be, and have never ever been afraid of being an a**hole to someone that deserves it; of burning bridges with people that do not help me grow; of being completely selective of my relationships, even if that leaves me with just a few of them. I have a lot of ideals I live by and things I value on other people. I am a true atheist. I value reasoning and an eager to learn and share; I value science; I value when people have goals and aspirations in life; I value myself over everything, and many other things. And most importantly, I am absolutely happy and in love with life! I am not telling you this to lift my ego and feel important, I simply want you to see who I am and maybe you can understand what I feel and help me understand if I am correct to feel it. My girlfriend is a completely different person. We have absolutely nothing in common. She is in a constant depression I supported for years, but at this point I just don't have the energy, will, and skill set to do so anymore, and she has realized that too and stopped supporting herself on me. She has absolutely no goals or values in life, she lives by no ideals, she has not one hobby other than buying clothes online and uploading pretty instagram aesthetic pics. She does not take any care of herself (and I know it is probably not her fault, but I have given her a million options, or simply just tried to be there and see if she begins her healing path on her own, but nope). I realized I have probably not been in love with her for months. I am not interested in her, at all. She lives in this toxic cycle of hating herself because she has no friends; wanting, NEEDING to party and live her college life (even if she can't because she doesn't know anyone or gets invited to any parties); and spending 10 hours a day on Tik Tok. She is the type of person that will cry herself to sleep at night because she has no friends; and I am the type of person happy at night because I have very few, selected, worth-it relationships that bring value to my life. Apart from our differences, I have always had trouble getting her to learn how to communicate. I am great at listening, creating safe spaces, at making others feel heard and important, finding solutions, and I continuously inform myself and read about communication techniques, the psychology of relationships, childhood trauma, and other things that I feel help me be a better person in my relationship. She does not, and constantly made me feel unheard, unimportant, and unable to communicate, to the point at which I stopped caring about those same things and stopped putting in the energy to maintain my relationship, a month or two ago. (Side note: I know that way I talk about her here sound so disrespectful and mean, and might make you think I talk to her like that too and abuse her. I 100% do not, this is me airing out what I have felt for a while, but I have never said or implied these things before, because I do care for her wellbeing and her feelings.) We are two completely different persons, and I am realizing that I have stuck by her for so long because subconsciously I have been "waiting" for her to change, wanting to change her, or finding comfort in the idea that she might change in the future. But a relationship should not be about that. I should not want to change my girlfriend, and even if I should, deep down I know she won't. I care for her, I love her family, but we are simply not made for each other. At this point, what is keeping me from breaking up is the fear I am doing it out of an impulse and that I will regret it; as well as not wanting to deal with all the changes that will come, with all the sad goodbye conversations I will have with her siblings and family; with what I think I will feel on future when she is with someone else; I don't even know. I guess I'm just afraid of what will happen next. But hey, there are no impulses with a 3 week long thought process, right? lol I have not seen my girlfriend in these past three weeks, the first half of it she was visiting her family, and the other half I have made up excuses to not see her because I realized that these were some HAPPY three weeks, and I didn't want to end that due to 'the talk' I must have. I was happy, not because of her absence. Maybe I could have been equally happy with her, but still... postponing seeing her seemed like the best thing for me. Writing all this, I realize the answer is pretty simple. I am just having trouble with the fact that I might end my relationship not out of, for example, someone cheating or doing something bad that MAKES either of us end it. The relationship could perfectly continue, but I just see no future or nothing better coming out of it. Things will just continue declining, and this will hurt her even more. I guess that what I would like to get your opinion on is, am I okay to feel these things? Am I an a**hole? Or is there maybe something you think I need to fix and work on, that will allow me to appreciate my girlfriend and be happy in my relationship? Do you agree that we are simply not compatible? I will really do my best to not hurt my girlfriend when I lay the cards on the table, and need to be very selective of what things to say and not to say. Any tips, perhaps? I'm also afraid that ending the relationship will have a huge negative effect on her mental health, and now there will be absolutely nobody to support her. She confessed to me about 5 months ago that she had a suicidal thought at night (her first one ever, she said), and immediately sought professional health after (she only went to ONE session with a psychotherapist and said she didn't like it. Never went back but did improve a bit...). Is it my responsibility to stay for her until she is better (which might take years)? Or to speak with someone on her family so that she is supported? How can I ensure she is okay afterwards, without also completely sacrificing myself? Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I look forward to hearing from you!