Hi there guys,
I was hoping for a bit of clarity regarding some very confusing signals (at least to me) that I am getting from a friend.
I am 25 and she is 23 going on 24 we have worked with and known each other for a year and a few months.
We worked in separate areas at work with little interaction until about 7 months ago. We always got on well but didn't spend much time together.
For the past 7 months we have been working alot together and our friendship has grown very close, spending time outside of work with each other and socialising in groups as well as alone together.
I greatly value our friendship and really enjoy the time we spend together, we really seem to connect and get along like a house on fire.
She has a boyfriend. They have been together for 5 years, he currently lives a little distance away from her so they only see each other once every week or two. This has been her only serious relationship and has never been romantically involved with anyone else.
She has told me that whilst their relationship isn't stale and doesn't have any issues, she is nervous about taking the next steps as she may never know if this is 'it' or whether or not there are other things to explore and experience out there. She confided this to me and to ask my advice, having never told anybody else at all.
This is where it's starts to get difficult for me.
Right from the off she is an extremely beautiful girl, very witty and great fun to be around. Whilst I have always been attracted to her, my feelings towards her have grown and grown the past months. The more I work with, see and spend time with her, the more I fall in love with her.
Now I am not naiive when it comes to girls ect, I have had my share of relationships until now, but nothing lasting more than a year and a half.
That is why when she asked me, I knew the right thing to do was to offer her my honest advice, all of my feelings aside. I told her that she was very lucky to have found someone and to still be together after five years with no problems. I also said that you will never know everything that is out there, even if you go looking and that is the way of life, I she really loves him, she should consider herself lucky and carry on.
All until now has been somewhat cut and dry for me, but the at the back end of last year when sitting with friends drinking, she reached out to grab my hand under the blanket, holding it tight.
I thought that this was just a friendly hand hold, as some girls do with men that they trust and are comfortable around, but she soon started linking her fingers in and caressing my hand. Again I thought it was just her being friendly.
Now two months down the line, whenever we are spending time together she will find my hand under the table or under a blanket and do the same, gripping tightly, weaving fingers, tracing circles and caressing my thigh. The main confusion for me is that she hides it from everyone, making me think that she clearly doesn't want to be seen doing this, perhaps hinting that she knows that she shouldn't be but still is? If the blanket falls down or other friends walk behind where we are sitting she will quickly let go and pull back.
She is always willing to hang out, whether it's just the two of us or with others, but if I sit away from her, she will come and sit next to or near me everytime.
This is so confusing for me as she is always talking about her boyfriend (never anything negative), yet I catch her looking at me across the room and giving the signs that I would think means that she wants something more.
I don't want to tread on any toes or put her in an awkward position by asking her about this. I would say yes in a heartbeat to dating her if I had the chance but it feels wrong to want this when she is in a commited long term relationship. Should I tell her how I feel about her? Should I just ignore it and carry on? Or should I try and disconnect and pull back from this whole thing? Either way it will be difficult because of how I feel about her and I would really appreciate some outside opinion or input.
