Phill73

I’m not angry thank you.. keep your negative comments…. I’m content thanks.. lots of people feel hurt that gets dumped, fairly normal statistic.. you single out a negative and twist it to criticise me? I’m wondering if your the bitter person? did you not read the part when I said I’ll say again. Yes I’m upset she’s gone, no anger or bitterness.. I wish her well.. Blocking her is a sign of weakness, it solves nothing other than show her she’s got to me… id rather be the better person, 2 wrongs don’t make a right.. I don’t need to debate the relationship or why she ended it, I accept that… my initial question was to work out and understand her motives post break up.. some people remain friends, some don’t.. providing I’m happy I have no reason not to stay friends if it also makes her happy…

Rather than understand the situation with any empathy you choose to criticise.. Irrespective of of your negative perception towards me and my actions, I’v always been a person to try my best and be respectful to others. unfortunately my ex didn’t return this in the same way, am I pissed off because she ended it after I gave so much? Dan right I am and justifiably so IMO.. doesn’t mean I want to block her or her family out of my life. She may one day realise she made mistakes and she reach out and need help.. do you think every person in life that makes a mistake should be discarded with no 2nd chance? I don’t have to accept her offer of reconciliation or friendship but id like to consider all avenues before making rash choices. despite the way she treated me at times I don’t wish to inflict hurt or act harsh towards her. Blocking her or her family isn’t the answer.. if that’s how you treat people in your life go ahead, I’d rather approach things with a little more scope.. it wasn’t an amicable split up as I had no choice but she’s been nothing but polite towards me since the split, she’s technically treated me with more compassion after the relationship than she did during it.. it doesn’t mean I’m bitter or twisted or wish her ill fate.. I don’t turn my back on people in need, I’ll get over it in time..

I have definitely been grieving, I’v been threw a mixture of emotions from sad, angry, positive, I seem to feel different every day, going from feeling ok and then waking up feeling sad one day is rubbish.. In life I’m determined, i’m inquisitive and enjoy solving problems and fixing things.. items in general not necessarily people.. despite some of her actions being self destructive at times I genuinely believed I improved her life. She could be strong and aloof at times but really needy and vulnerable at other times.. she made me believe she just needed me to respect and love her.. far as I was concerned I did.. even after we split up she said she loved me more than anyone ever and thought I was wonderful.. I thought her offer of friendship was legitimate, she complained saying maybe I’m not used to staying friends, she said it would hugely beneficial as we know each other so well.. Iv enjoyed time on my own, but Iv also had time to reflect, I’m not the type of person to give up on something with out trying, same as when I try and fix things or solve puzzles.. I am a little angry that she’s ended the relationship on things she perceived not to work as a result of problems she caused, I always looked for solutions.. but she ended it suggesting either I was to blame or simply we didn’t get on but truth is 99.9% of people had already told me to get out because her behaviour is not good, but rather than her realise this and work on her self she’s taken what appears the easy route out so she doesn’t have to look at her problems or actions etc.. the way she cut me off with no validation or closure acting very cold towards me was a shock…. But having said all that, I found it very confusing when she then wanted to be friends and she was serious about this it was her suggestion that came out of the blue.. I was confused because she left me because she clearly felt there were issues between us and that perhaps we didn’t get on but wanted to be friends, I don’t know why you’d want to be friends with someone if that’s how you felt.. dealing with the rejection, grief etc that follows a relationship is alien, it’s not something you get taught and it effects everyone differently, some people walk away as if nothing happened… my head says she got issues and she’s best avoided but my heart still wants the love and relationship we had.. she had become my closest friend and Ali and lover, so her offer of friendship means I keep part of what we had.. I probably shouldn’t but I’m just prepared to forgive her for causing me this pain.. when people say block everyone associated with her it seems so brutal, none of her family or friends caused me any pain.. I got on with everyone and they all though I was good for my ex.. i said to my ex that because she wanted to end it and I had no (CHOICE). I would have to force my self to fall out of love and forget her. Her reply was “you shouldn’t force yourself to do anything”. How can she say that? I’m the hurting from her actions, I can’t go threw life wanting to love her and surly she should understand this.. so when I say I’m confused I am, to stay friends or not, walk away and block or not to block.. Even if she wanted to try again I’m not comfortable with any choice or decision so I’m confused because what my head and heart say are 2 different things..

Yes of course I’d try work things out. Iv accepted it in a sense I’m not harassing her to try again. I still love her I have no shame to admit this.. i’m confused and don’t know what to do from day to day, week to week, I’m just happy things are polite between us right now..

Of course I miss her and love her but I understand I can’t force her to feel the same., accepting she made a choice doesn’t mean I hurt less or miss her any less.. im not begging or asking her to come back so Iv accepted her choice doesn’t mean I’m not hurt inside..

Providing I was leading my life as normal and I was happy I was prepared to give her time to realise her mistakes and work things out together.. some people do work things out and others don’t.. I’m just not one for falling out with any person from any walk of life.. theres people I despise at work but I’m respectful and polite to them but try to avoid them at all costs ☺️

But knowing her as I do after reading her txts for over a year for her to say thank you she means it.. she’s caused arguments between us and Iv left her house and gone home to cool off, I’v txt her my apologies for leaving and explaining why and she’s always thanked me for such nice messages,, I can assure you 100% if she was annoyed with me txting she 100% would not thank me for that message ..

I’m not complaining she said thank you, it just sounds like she was pleased to hear from me 🤷‍♂️.. Why do everyone say block your ex and everyone associated with her? yes she ended it but doesn’t make her some psycho, what if she realised she made huge mistakes and wanted to sort things out it would be like cutting my nose off despite my face? if she was abusing me I’d understand needing to block her, why block your ex just because they dumped you?

Her issues to be fair. When she made the effort like I did we got on really well. I don’t know why but she seem to think everything was about her and her needs, I was meant to be a mind reader and constantly give to her and guess what she needed.

I get what you’re saying but when I asked her why we should be friends she said it would be hugely beneficial.. and she copped a strop on when I said no..

No I’m not saying that. I’m not chasing the relationship.. she initially wanted to remain friends, I’m not seeing any reason why not as she’s not causing any problems to me.. if she came back it’d be her choice but that doesn’t mean I’d have to take her back.. Iv accepted the split up, I’m wondering what to do in respect to friendship..

Where on earth do you get that from? I hold absolutely no grudge against her at all.. no ones perfect, some people may be bitter and twisted and to weak mentally to be friends with an ex, I have ex’s on my social media and we chat once in a while and if they needed me I’d help them.. Iv had lunch with 2 of her ex’s in her home, I’v let her ex perform physio on me too, I was happy with the situation.. she ended the relationship for her reasons, I have no need to be bitter about the break up.. I’m not challenging it or changing her mind.. I just felt it was an odd situation to go from blocking me after an argument because I turned down her offer of friendship, but then thank me for sending a message which she’s rarely done since I met her.. I'm not saying this applies to my situation but some people split up and realise they made a mistake, not everyone blocks there ex because they finished the relationship.. blocking someone without good reason is weak and childish IMO..

But it is odd considering, when we split up, she ignored a lot of my messages, then we had an argument and she blocked me. now she’s thanking me for sending her a message suggesting we can be friends.. only time she ever thanked me for a message previously was after we had an argument and I txt her early morning saying I was sorry in what ever I did to upset her.. Iv never seen her thank anyone for sending her a message, she replies to them like most people do.. if someone sent me a message that I wasn’t expecting but perhaps I was hoping to hear from I may thank them and say it’s lovely to hear from you. Or unless someone’s done me a good deed and they txt me to tell me of the good deed etc..

At the time I had a bad cold, I snore at the best of times so she didn’t want me to drive all that way and couldn’t sleep. Rest is valuable to her because she gets tired quick due to a condition.. the only weird thing I remember from splitting up is after breaking up she made a point about telling me she had joined a gym and was getting stronger but she was always to ill to do anything when we were together. It was a remarkable recovery 😂 she could of joined the gym at any point..

We were together for 14 months, we got engaged after 8 months and she stated she loved me more than anyone. we’re both in our 40’s.. when I say arguments, her not liking something, 1 word I used in a sentence. Maybe I didn’t tell her children off.. maybe I didn’t read her mind and do or say the right thing. All the problems were her problems.. I don’t need to analyse the why we broke up. She offered friendship i declined and she didn’t like it ending up blocked my phone number. I apologised for my own sanity and morales to make me feel better. im not contesting the break up. I accept it.. im curious as to why a person that felt the need to block me is now thanking me for messaging them.. I don’t know a single person that thanks me for sending them a message. she doesn’t need to thank me, either reply or don’t reply it’s her choice.. if she wasn’t ever expecting to hear from me again why thank me? would you thank someone that you didn’t want to hear from? she could of blocked my sociable media too but didn’t.. the only thing I need to decide is if having her as a friend adds value to me, I’m happy to be friends but not just to get used. There may be reasons for the split that she kept to her self I don’t know.. if she doesn’t want friendship and she blocked me there’s no need to reply thanking me for my message stating we could perhaps remain friends.. I’m content in my life. I’m sad we split up but I’m not bitter about it.. I’m just curious as to her reply.