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dater14

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  1. Why so grumpy? You have no idea about the context of the drinking so what you think is meaningless. You are the one who has twisted my post to fit your own narrative. You're projecting your own negative view of the world. There's nothing to gain by approaching everything with anger and spite. Maybe you'll learn that with age, maybe not.
  2. This is truly asinine, and borders on psychopathy. He feels zero respect towards you and is flexing by doing that to you with your girlfriends phone. Such a brazen action, it's unbelievable especially because he doesn't even know you. This is very sad and understandably distressing, I hope you can come out of this situation okay. Unfortunately I think your girlfriend might see that douchebag move as confidence rather than douchebaggery. All I will say is that he is lucky you seem to be a nice guy because if he tried that on the wrong guy, things probably would become violent. Sadly a guy like this only shows respect to an even bigger *** than himself.
  3. This is a gem, thanks. That's a great story. So second chances do happen haha, that's crazy. Good of you to interrupt him. It's good that your choice of a mate is both logical and emotional, as the former only and the relationship may be just transactional. Where as the latter and you overlook important things in a relationship. I struggle with letting emotions control my feelings towards a girl I am attracted to, even sometimes compromising on some values that would make me not want to date that girl in the first place. No wonder people settle down and get married, it's a safe choice. Although with kids involved it could be troublesome if things don't go as planned.
  4. Thank you but are you telling me it should take this long before escalating things physically with a girl? Hmmm, not sure what oversharing means in this context. Can you explain please? Is there one you feel got away? I mean was there one you felt was the "ONE" but they got away. Also, how did you know when you found the one you want to marry? Was it a logical decision or an emotional one?
  5. Thanks your opinion is very helpful. I'm a naturally very open person so this goes against everything I am, but I will keep everything you said in mind because I never want to hurt myself like this again. I wasn't thinking anything, so I guess the latter, unfortunately . Just to mention, the word drunk that I used is too strong, I was a bit impaired from consuming some alcohol.
  6. Thank you, great response. But just to interject, she is a very very good person. Who knows if the boyfriend thing is real or not. I'm the bad guy here, not her. Yes, that's a big part of why I feel guilty. It's so hard to forget about her even when I'm with other girls. I should change my name to fool because that's what I am for letting her down and making our relationship irreconcilable. If I should leave her alone, how do I move onto other girls even though that she constantly pops into my head when I'm on dates with other girls?
  7. Thank you. I appreciate your response. You make some very good points, though, I just want to mention that I did not barely know her, each date we spent half a day talking to each other, not doing activities to pass the time. I also don't think I was visibly drunk, sure I was not fully alert and missed somethings she said during our conversation before kissing but I was not a zombie. Your point still stands though, yes I did make those mistakes you pointed out. Sorry, but there are lot of assumptions here. I cared deeply about getting to know her, hence why we talked more than most people talk in 5 dates. It would have been wierd if she was the only one drinking and I wasn't, it would have been like I was trying to get her drunk. I didn't think I would get drunk from drinking the same amount she drank. I don't just care about her or getting to know her just because she is not responding. Dissapointed is not the right word but from your response I can tell that you don't understand where I'm coming from/my intentions. Hmm, quite a bold statement. It was a misunderstanding caused by me being stupid and making mistake after mistake. I think not being a good match would be a result of not being compatible in terms of interests etc., that wasn't the case otherwise I would have forgotten about her and not (politely) blown off other girls since then. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I take your response very seriously, thanks.
  8. @Wiseman2the stupid thing is that we were both drinking the same amount so I didn't expect to get drunk since I weigh more (I wasn't drunk out of my mind btw, just a bit dizzy and bold). I will definitely becareful with alcohol on future dates and go slow, I won't dare suggesting we go to my place until after at least date 6 or 7.
  9. Thank you 🙂. Being ghosted by her hurt like a punch to the gut. In fact I've not been the same with other girls I've been on dates with, and rejected some girls who asked me out because I still feel HUGE regret over how things ended so abruptly with her. She is a great person, and I really miss her. My Christmas and New Years wish is for her to talk to me again or atleast give me a chance to at least apologize to her. I spent so much time with her on those two dates, and every second was amazing. Her ghosting me has left a massive void that I cannot put into words. Yeah, she said she has a boyfriend and that she should have mentioned it to me before that point.
  10. After a second date with a girl we went back to my place. I was drunk and she agreed to kiss. It got pretty confusing not too long after, though, because as we were making out, she seemed to be enjoying it. So I (happily) continued, and she quietly said "no." I got really confused, but continued making out. We then paused but I talked her into making out again. She then kissed me and we started kissing again but also quietly said "no" every now and again, which continued to confuse me immensely. She then stopped again, mentioned she had a boyfriend and left my place. We went for a walk after but did not talk about the situation, and when talking along the way she seemed happy to be with me and there was no tension whatsoever, but when saying goodbye she offered me a handshake but I hugged her instead. In hindsight I should have apologized during our conversation but since there was no tension and she didn't seem upset with me or bring up the situation and my intentions, I thought everything was okay. I followed up the next morning by sending her a good morning text with a couple of love heart emoji's maybe as a way of letting her know I wasn't just looking for sex, she read it but didn't respond. I didn't get the chance to apologize and I didn't want to leave the situation up in the air, of course, so some days after, I sent her two messages days apart saying along the lines of "Are you okay?", she didn't respond. I'd never been in a situation like this before, and in the past when I'm with a girl, she either gave me clear signals to proceed or else clear signals to stop. I really wasn't sure how to handle it, and I think I made my first mistake there. I continued kissing her and talked her into kissing again after she stopped. I think that if I had a chance to do this again, I'd just stop and ask outright for clarity on the situation before I either proceeded or stopped, but I suppose hindsight is 20/20. Instead, I continued making out with her. Eventually I asked if she wanted to just make out (implying no sex) and she very emphatically said "NO!" After she didn't read or respond to my texts, I sent a text apologizing that I didn't mean to make her feel uncomfortable but she never read it. I felt (and continue to feel) terrible about how badly I misread the situation. The conversation remained light the whole way before saying "good night." I started writing this post to ask the community if they feel there is any way to salvage the situation? I know I blew it since she ghosted me, but after a few months has past, maybe the unfavorable impression of how the night ended has subsided and she would be willing to hear or read my apology. Would it be better if I pick up the phone and call her to see whether she's interested in getting back to the way things were? In the meantime, I suppose I learned some lessons about making sure I'm reading the signals correctly, and asking for clarification when I get mixed messages. I suppose now the real reason I'm writing this up is just to get it off my chest, so that I can (hopefully) stop replaying my misstep in my head and just learn from my mistakes and move on. And if you're still reading at this point, I sincerely thank you for sticking with it! Now I just have to trust that things will work out however they're meant to, whether that means a reunion or that I'll never see this woman ever again.
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