Squidgirl

I just realize now how much you manipulated me, gaslighted me, lacked empathy. The way you despised the way your mother treated you and still treating me the exact same. I will never understand how someone can do the things you have done to me. I can't help to doubt myself but the way you act cannot be explained in any way. You have some deeprooted issues and I hope you work on yourself before someone else becomes your victim.

You were all right. I was foolish to think it could be okay. I had a conversation with him in which I was extremely vulnerable and of course he told me what I wanted to hear. Not even 24 hours later, I find he is on a dating app asking someone to meet up. I know I was naive. I saw it coming and am still in shock. How can a person be so two-faced? Make you feel admired and loved and at the same time treat you like trash. I packed a bag and left. I'm still so hurt that it causes physical pain but I had to go.

Thank you all for your support. I will have a conversation with him and depending on how that goes I will make a decision. I would like to note that he is very insecure and so I can see him talking this way to his friend to act 'tough' and not acting on it. I don't think he ever actually slept with someone else. He is usually a caring and loving boyfriend so that is what makes it so difficult... I do agree that I have to think about me first and need to have more respect for myself. I have to focus on my self-development and that way I will probably gain confidence as well.

@Wiseman2 Thank you for replying. I haven't told anyone because I know they would tell me the same as you did - to end things with him and it would ruin his relationship with my family. Unfortunately I'm not seeing a therapist even though I probably should. I am kind of lost right now, not doing well with my studies and relocated recently so I don't know anyone here. We do live together, and I know it's not what I should be thinking about but breaking up would also lead to a mess regarding looking for a new place (super difficult right now) and income. He is in his mid-twenties.

Things haven't been going great with me and my boyfriend lately. We have been together for 3 years and I have never been this worried about our relationship. I accidentally caught him a few months ago chatting with random people on the internet when I used his pc. He was there, and immediately deleted everything and admitted later there were flirty texts among them. He is very insecure and said that is why he enjoyed those conversations for validation and that he never had long talks or a connection with these people. I felt heartbroken when I found out but didn't want to throw away our relationship so I eventually forgave him. I have my insecurities too so since that moment I have been doubting him. Lately I felt something was off so when I had a chance, I looked through his texts. That was wrong of me and I admit that, a relationship should be based on trust after all. I found messages to his friend about this girl he knows and he said to him that he was hoping they would have s3x (in less nice wording), but it didn't happen but that it's ok because he has 'low standards' so maybe with someone else in the future. Ok... so obviously I got very upset and confronted him. He then got mad that I looked through his things to find something to get upset about. He said its just guy talk and it has no meaning - it's just how they usually talk with eachother. He did say that what he said was wrong. I'm not in a great place right now and I know I carry bagage with extreme anxiety and with that also comes jealousy. I don't know if I can handle losing him right now and somewhere I still believe him.