Shyflip

Ok..I'm in college and I plan to be more assertive when it comes to meeting/asking out women. I am still not completely over my shyness and may never will be but I can't stay this way 4ever. So now my question is if I go out and talk/ask a many women out around campus, would I come accross as too aggressive/desperate or would they tend to respect me more because I have guts to ask them out? I know I shouldn't care what people think but I feel that it may hurt my chances with other women. Lemme know what ya think. 0X

Thanks for the feedback guys...I don't know but you're right....maybe I'm playing the race card just to have an excuse. I know I still have a lot to work on but I am determined to work on it no matter how long it takes. I'm sure I'll be coming back to this forum for future advice. Thank you very much.

yes Shadow Light you are right... I think I should have picked a different title for my post. I didn't want to come accross as someone who is not proud to be a Filipino American. I vote and do jury duty as proudly as anyone (well maybe not much jury duty...lol) and I do not believe it is a problem with assimilation more so than I am insecure about the fact that Asian men in general are somewhat at a disadvantage. The fact that I am shy now does not help either since I'm mostly shy to people I am attracted to and I find most White, Hispanic, and Middle eastern women very attractive. I really don't want to talk about why Asian men are at a disadvantage since I'm sure someone had already posted a topic on that. I'm more interested in hearing from people who have overcome this and those who have ideas on how I can tackle this insecurity/shyness. Socially, I do have friends of different ethnicity. I have female friends but I dont feel attraction or connection to any of them. Values-wise I think I am very liberal. I was raised a Catholic as most filipinos are but I'm now an Atheist. I support abortion to an extent, gay marriage, etc...you get the picture. I do feel good about myself as a person. I have achieved enough things to make me feel as if I accomplished something with my life and I do have goals and aspirations and I feel that I'm on my way to achieving them. When it comes to approaching women I'm interested in though, I get this feeling that women would judge me more on my Asian looks or the stereotypes rather than my personality and from what I have heard from some of my Asian friends, many women out there are quick to judge based on looks rather than what is inside.

Just to clarify things, I dont ever have a problem with independent women...In fact I would prefer women who would be willing to pay up and not expect men to do everything for them. I know its not easy to assimilate but I'ts not as a big of an issue for many filipinoes. I dont know about you but If you've been to the philippines you'll be shock at how similar our cultures can be....we were under American rule for quite some time. And I am not dissing the fact that I appreciate the opportunity I have here...I love it here too and my family is here but its the friends/relationship aspect that bothers me. I guess im just too insecure about me; being at such a disadvantage from american men who were born here

I've been browsing this forums and it's definitely good to know that I am not the only shy person around. I was't always been too shy though (I was shy but not to the extent that I am now). I lived in the Philippines for 17 years and I have always been a very outgoing person. Dating was never an issue for me and I had no problems with dealing with the opposite sex (I'm male). However, when I moved to the U.S. 6 years ago, my shyness became a huge issue. I felt very insecure about myself. I felt insecure about money, my looks, how I dress, and especially how I think I measure up against most American men. Most of them are taller (I'm 5'7" and skinny), well built, and more good looking (at least to philippine standards). Intimidation is a huge factor as well. Many filipinos tend to think that white ppl are better than they are but I found out this was not true and both are equal in most aspects. I am really bothered with this insecurity and it's preventing me from being the person that I am. As I mentioned I have a really outgoing personality and I like to go out and meet women but I always get this feeling that I am not good enough for many Americans women and somehow they look down on me (or I look down on myself when around them). Sure there are nice Filipinas out there but most of them are Americanized and I feel they're pretty much the same as whites, blacks, etc. This is becoming even more stressful because I am in a situation where I'm around many women everyday. I am a Pharmacy student and there are so many women in my school (mostly white). It really bothers me that I dont have the guts to approach them like I used to back home because I feel that most of them would never even bother dating an Asian. I mean just looking around, I have yet to see an asian guy going out with white girls (w/c I am very attracted to). My insecurities just kicks in and I'm beginning to lose hope in ever being successful with women in the U.S. I mean it sucks when you are happy with every other aspect in your life (school, career, etc.) but you still feel that you are not good enough or accepted in another culture that values the very things you're good at. Im not unpleasant either, I'm very aware of my manners, I dress good, and im not a jerk. It doesn't help either when ppl start looking at you or stare at you especially women (some men do this too). I mean I have no clue if women here find me attractive or not. They just look and when I look back they just break eye contact. I mean if they like me wouldn't they at least smile? I'm just so frustrated...I don't know.. I mean I feel so ugly [short, skinny, asian (not to put some asians down but we are at a disadvantage compared to other ethnicities when it comes to the dating scene), broke (in college and in debt)]. It's just so sad cause I was never this way back home.