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  1. I'm fine with her being tired or down or busy with work etc. But usually girls come out with these excuses when they are trying to hint to guys they have lost interest and want to be left alone. I texted her saying I was sorry to hear that and to let me know when she is feeling better and work has quietened down but she didn't bother responding to that which isn't a good sign. And I guess with her it seems to be very all-or-nothing. She was bombarding me with texts and photos last week and wanting to see me all the time. Then last couple days she barely responds out of politeness and has completely stopped initiating texts or trying to make conversation. And similarly some dates she is warm and affectionate and happy to make out and sleep with me. Others she is cold and distant and only lets me peck her on the lips or the cheek. So the contrast does feel quite striking and makes me feel insecure and uncertain. But I guess I'm starting to get some closure. I can try to justify the drinking and enjoyment of going out when she's showing me a lot of attention and being affectionate and sleeping with me. But when she would rather hang out with other men at the bar and goes cold on me for days it doesnt feel good at all and can see I'm better off without her.
  2. Mm well I give up now. She still wanted to meet on Saturday and pushed to do dinner and the Peruvian rainforest themed bar. I said I was tired and just wanted to do dinner. She agreed but the mood was a bit flat. She offered me her cheek at the beginning and end of the date and seemed quite moody. I must have shown my disappointment because after I dropped her off she texted me saying "Sorry I was tired from the other night". I said it was OK and I was tired too. We texted a bit on Sunday but she wasn't as chatty as usual. Monday morning she texts me asking about our DNA tests which we'd sent off and where she could find a harry potter notebook i sent her a photo of. I mentioned a jazz concert we'd seen advertized and said it looks good and I definitely want to go. She said "Let's go then" and when i said i'd booked she said she'd buy drinks and I said that's a nice gesture and then heard nothing from her. Usually she'll continue or restart conversations. Tonight I saw some Mexican Day of the Dead dancing and sent her a video. She replied "Nice dear :)" I waited to see if she'd say anything more and when she didn't asked her if she'd been up to anything exciting or just work work work. She said "Meh feeling a bit down tbh went out with my alumni group but came home early as have a busy day tomorrow. Hope u had a good day" So I just said "Sorry to hear that let me know when you are feeling better and work quietens down" and she didn't bother replying to that. Feels as though she is giving me the brush off. And this weekend was a bit exhausting with the crazy bar antics and then the bad date the next day. And yeah just doesnt feel as if she is that interested. No idea why she agreed to the jazz concert next Friday. But I guess I better find someone else to take. Thanks for all your advice. Probably better off finding someone who likes me and has a lower key lifestyle.
  3. Yeah I think you guys are right. I pinned a lot of hope on the fact she said I was the first guy she slept with since her divorce assuming it signified I meant something to her and also that she is always talking about future plans and we are seeing so much of each other. Starting to think she is more promiscuous than she makes out after seeing how flirty she is in bars. And of course she is making future plans knowing I’m now paying for them and drinking and socialising seem huge parts of her lifestyle whereas they are not priorities for me. It is a shame because outside of bars we seem to really connect and talk and laugh and time flies. But in the bar she seems like a different kind of person.
  4. OK some definite red flags last night: I sidestepped the expensive dinner idea she suggested and took her somewhere simpler but she said she skipped breakfast only had a salad for lunch and was starving and promptly ordered appetizers, mins and dessert and a bottle of wine. I said she had a tiring work week so after dinner we could maybe do something chilled. She said she is fine and wants to blow off some steam and have some fun with me. So I take her to a cocktail bar with a cool DJ. It starts off fun we are singing along to the music, she is kissing me and smiling and laughing. I go to get her another drink and come back to find her talking to the two guys sitting next to us. She says I couldn't get phone connection so made some new friends and introduced them to me. I get stuck talking with the married unattractive guy she continues talking to the handsome guy who seems to be unattached. Luckily after half an hour or so they leave. But then she notices a group of lads clowning around and dancing in a silly way and starts laughing at them and wants to talk to them. It is a loud bar so she has to get close to talk to them and I notice she is tactile and even at one point gives one of them a friendly hug. Naturally none of the guys want to talk to me and she doesn't seem to notice they are excluding me and paying her all the attention. She offers to buy me a drink and goes to the bar and a few of the guys follow her and talk to her in line. I am just sat at our table on my own feeling like an idiot. The queue isn't moving and I'm tired and fed up so I tap her on the shoulder and tell her I am leaving and she can either come with me or continue having fun with her new friends. She runs after me all apologetic and says she is sorry she made me uncomfortable and she was just trying to make new friends and got carried away and she is extroverted and it is how she is and she didn't mean to be rude. She said she wasn't interested in any of those guys and came with me and of course was going to leave with me. She said the guys were asking about me and she wasn't sure how to define us so she said we were friends and they were trying to ask her back to their houseshare and she said she'd only come if I was invited too. Then she said we can get out of here and I could spend some time alone with her in her room. Then on the bus home she asks if I've ever been in love, how long my last relationship was, what my type is and so on. And talks about her ex and how he was jealous of her male friends and always putting her down and tells me this weird story about how after a month her ex had already secretly chosen the engagement ring and he was from a wealthy family and always buying her gifts and they knew within a few months they would get married. Also she made a comment about the cold weather and would I keep her warm this winter. My head is spinning at this point. Anyway we get back to hers. She says she wants me to F her. Says she loves my manhood and could really get used to it. The sex is very good and I bring her to orgasm. She then asks me to leave because she doesn't want her flatmates to see me in the morning. I say to her that I'm not some random guy and she's been seeing me for almost two months and her housemates will understand she is occasionally going to have male company. Again she says she doesn't know what we are and doesn't feel ready yet to have me sleep over. I bow out at 5am and make my way home in a daze. She is probably still expecting to see me tonight which was the original plan. But I'm not taking her anywhere near a bar and feel she is taking advantage with the dinners ordering 3 courses and bottles of wine. And of course she probably doesn't feel ready for a quiet night in at mine or hers. I'd be OK just having fun with her if she showed me a bit more respect and wasn't abusing my financial generosity. It feels a bit wrong to be paying for everything if this is just about good times and sex for her which I am sure she will eventually get bored of with me or want to try with someone better than me. But it feels like I'm playing the provider role and courting her and entertaining her while she is just taking me for a ride and does not have any genuine feelings or serious intent towards me. I'm also affectionate towards her and give her my undivided attention and show in different ways I care about her e.g. escorting her home after every date to make sure she gets home safe, picking her up from the airport, listening to her as she talks about what is going on at work etc. So she must know that I like her. She pretty much admitted as much telling me last weekend she slept with me because she felt she could trust me and I was reliable and consistent. I originally thought if I continue to show her a good time and we get to know each other better she would develop feelings and want something with me. And it did feel last weekend like she was bonding to me. But last night was a massive step back and I am not sure I can trust her if I know that every time she goes to a bar she wants to flirt with guys and be the centre of the attention especially as on other occasions Im not there so she has the freedom to do whatever she wants. And even if she is innocent and just looking to make friends it seems very naive of her to imagine she can make friends with guys in bars especially as she knows full well how pretty she is.
  5. Yeah maybe she just enjoys the attention company and of course financial benefits of being with me. I thought things would change after we slept together but after the afterglow faded she’s not really displayed any genuine emotion or affection towards me. Will try to emotionally detach and just enjoy it for what it is
  6. Yeah I think that is the sensible way of approaching things. It has only been six weeks. She clearly isn't ready for low-key dates or quiet nights in and wants to be entertained. She's fairly new to the UK, she's recently divorced so enjoying her freedom, and heaven knows after lockdown it is nice to be able to go out and let off steam. Obviously it is not sustainable long term but historically she has been a relationship girl so I am hoping that if her feelings develop for me and she feels she's had her fair share of good times on the town she will be amenable to slowing down and simply enjoying my company. She does text me an awful lot and is seeing me at least twice a week so she must be starting to feel a growing bond And I guess if that doesn't happen then I can always walk away and find someone who is looking for a relationship rather than fun times.
  7. She was texting me nonstop the other day. Work pressures clearly eased. And she is her usual enthusiastic excitable self. We already have plans for Saturday but yesterday she asked me what I was up to Friday and maybe I could think about inviting her out. This morning she texted me suggesting an expensive restaurant. Will try and push back and suggest something simpler. But it feels like she is taking advantage a little expecting me to pay but wanting to pick the restaurant and difficult to know whether she misses me and cannot wait until Saturday to see me or if her fridge is empty lol.
  8. She said today she was sleepy and tired and feeling out of sorts. I suggested gently the botanical gardens might be good for us on Saturday. She said she'd rather do one of the other Halloween events we'd been looking at: a peruvian bar with a rainforest theme and a DJ and should recover by then. T. I do not think there is any fundamental incompatibility. Our lifestyles might be a little different but lockdown was so boring I can understand her desire to go out and have fun and on some level I share it too. And we have had a few quieter dates such as going to the movies, walks in the park, window shopping and so on and we enjoyed each others' company then. In fact I think on paper we might be quite a good match. We share a similar sense of humour and are both highly educated professionals. We both are cultured and worldly. Neither of us are into the hookup culture and prefer relationships. And I think our personalities could complement each other quite well. She is enthusiastic, energetic, excitable. I am calmer, more stable and a steady presence. But you could be on to something with the psyche/past experience. I tend to be a bit of a worrier and overly cautious and careful. And in the past I have dated women who were happy to have fun together but as soon as they sensed I really liked them they pulled away and left me. And she is a little temperamental and while I agree that her actions suggest growing emotional investment her demeanour and vibe and responsiveness to my attentions can blow a little hot or cold and I am used to girls I like being all over me. But yeah I guess I need to just relax and see how things unfold and see if she starts to bring up the idea of exclusivity and a commitment at some point. If all goes well I'm planning to invite her to my place next weekend for a quiet night in.
  9. Wayward Kiwi (T) can you clarify which earlier advice you are referring to. If it is the uncertainty I guess I feel I do not know exactly where I stand and that is causing some anxiety because I'm smitted. She hasn't mentioned exclusivity and while she does reference future activities together she hasn't asked where this is going or anything like that. I guess we have had sex which in her culture is something you tend to do with a boyfriend/future boyfriend rather than just a normal part of dating. But I feel if I bring it up I could scare her away so hoping she will eventually want to have the conversation. Rose Mosse: yeah I think I'll leave her to get through her busy work week and maybe Friday afternoon ask if she is still interested in doing the botanical gardens assuming she hasn't already brought it up which she probably will. Wiseman2: I didn't get the sense she was pouting or annoyed with me. She just seemed very tired. Usually she is very enthusiastic and energetic. It was a strange choice of evening for a party but all the weekend events were booked up.
  10. She turned up without friends so it was just her and me. She seemed a bit tired and bored. We danced and kissed and so on but she seemed to be going through the motions a bit and I'd catch her sometimes staring into space a million miles away and around 11 started saying she was tired so I took her home. She also didn't drink much. It sounds like she's having a tough work week so maybe she just wasn't feeling in a party mood. Today was in addition to botanical gardens.
  11. Yeah it’s on. No idea if friends are coming. She did suggest that it was ok if I didn’t want that and she’d handle it (although from her subsequent behaviour clearly wasn’t ok) but I guess I’ll see what happens. its her first Halloween in London so I guess it’s excusable but yeah after this will try to insist on quieter dates and maybe a quiet night in once I sort out my new place. Just a little confused why she’s so upset with me when she made a plan with me and then tried to change it and asked me if I was ok with it when the only acceptable answer was yes. But I guess just need to let it go and move forward and try to have a good time with her and whoever she brings with her tonight
  12. I've given her the benefit of the doubt. She's been giving me a lot of the "don't feel obliged to come i can find someone else to go with". So I used google translate and said to her in turkish "With you it is never an obligation and always a pleasure". She seemed to like that and said "Ok if this is the case then pick me up at 6.30pm". But I am very confused. I never ever said I didn't want to see her or go to the event with her. All I said was that I'd find it a little awkward if she brought the two others and would rather it was just us.
  13. Told her that of course I want to go to the event with her and I am really looking forwards to it. She replied "Sure. But feel free to tell bec someone else asked me to meet today already and i said no. So dont feel obliged to come at all."
  14. Yeah I think I am starting to see that now. I mean she did invite me to this event so she is perfectly entitled to invite others along and it is a compliment that she is willing to introduce me to her colleague and I asked her if we were still on for tonight. She said "If u would like to yes, i got the tickets but if u dont want dont feel obliged to, i can find someone to go with if u dislike the idea. I am at the office today but i can let you know when I get home which should be around 5pm". So clearly she is feeling a bit hurt and upset still. And I do see that she has been showing a lot more interest in me recently and is playing an active role in making sure we have future plans together even inviting me to events. So I do really appreciate that. And I am OK with the materialistic thing because I am beginning to understand it is just part of her culture that the man pays and is generous and treats the woman. Only thing that bothers me is the cold treatment when I mistep which I am bound to do in the future. Because it is tough figuring out why she is upset and then figuring out how to make it up to her. The not paying for dates things was easy enough. I just had to take her on some fancy dates to show I cared and it was resolved. But no idea how to make up for this.
  15. Yeah I think saying we were still "getting to know each other" was a poor choice of words especially after we've recently slept together and I should have maybe seen it as her wanting to introduce me to people in her life rather than her trying to turn a date into a group hang which I think is why I said "No". Well that and the fact she had already invited them before asking if I was OK with it. What is the best way to rescue this? I think we are still on for tonight as she did eventually text me back and she has already booked the tickets. But it is the same curt communication style and delayed responses as when I made the initial hotel proposition which upset her so I'm definitely still in her bad books. I have no problem progressing the relationship. We've been on almost 10 dates over the last six weeks or so and spent a lot of time together and we always have a great time together. But I get the sense a little with her that I have to say and do the right things or else she'll go cold on me like she did with the hotel proposition and now again after I said I wasn't really OK with her colleague and husband joining us. And I do not think that is a healthy basis for a relationship. If she really wanted the friends to join us and told me that she would be uncomfortable uninviting them then I would have gone along with it. But she told me that she'd get it if I didn't feel like it and said there was no problem and she'd handle it. But clearly it wasn't OK with it and I gave the wrong response.
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