Mstamos

Just be careful and don't jump into things with another girl quite yet. Give yourself some time to heal and be happy beign single first. Imagine how much worse it will feel if things turn out to not work out with this girl in a month or so. It will be like twice the pain.

EXACTLY! I went through the same scenario with my ex 3 years later after she dumped me and we got back together. I fell for it twice and I even spent alot of time just "being with her" but not romantically because she felt she couldn't be romantic with me. It's complete BS! Do not fall for this trap! Break it off for good and get on with your life.

If you are going to break it off with your current BF, break it off and tell him EXACTLY why and don't give him any hope of the two of you reconciling. Don't lead him on and don't DARE see the other guy behind his back. Be prepared for him to not want to speak to you again, and to want to beat up your friend for allowing this to happen knowing full well you were already spoken for.

I'm a class b. Is that good? haha

Craig what's up? Yeah man it's hard and it stinks being broken up with. My girlfriend of 6 years dumped me about a year and a half ago. I was 24 at the time. I was pretty distraught. My Grandma told me something that stuck in my mind though. "One chapter of your book of life closes, and another one opens." Well I'm hear to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hear I am a year and a half later and I just celebrated my 1 year anniversary with my new girlfriend. At the time I didn't think I would ever find anyone again. Just keep in mind, no relationship is ever worth comprimising friends for. Friends are one of the most important things you can have in your life. Take this lesson and apply it to your next relationship. It's hard to see outside of your situation when it happens, but you will get through this and be able to look back on it as a growing experience. No one has ever died of a heart break. Chin up.

*****bump*****

Hey everyone......Well it has been exactly one year since my girlfriend of 6 years had left me. I came to this forum seeking advice and to vent my frustrations. It was nice to know people were reading my posts, and nice reading other posts and knowing that this type of thing (as much as it sucks) happens to everyone, all the time. As hard as it was, I started no contact. Over the course of the year I came to find that my ex was seeing my good friend behind my back and now are planning on marrying eachother. I haven't heard from her or seen her since she left me. I met someone new in January and recently we celebrated our 6 month anniversary together. She is amazing and I love her so much! I now see that I was in an unhealthy relationship with my ex. The new relationship has really showed me what being in love/in a healthy relationship really is like. I can take my mistakes I made in my previous relationship and apply it to my new one. I just wanted to tell everyone who is at the place I was at year ago right now, that it does get better. As bad as it seems, it does get better. One chapter closes and another one opens in the book we call life. Sometimes something bad has to happen in order to make you see clearly, and bring about better/greater things. For that I thank God. Even if you are alone now, you won't be forever. Life is beautiful. Just enjoy it. Enjoy being alive and being healthy. -Matt

I just feel like if I don't confront him about this he will think he can "get away" with it and that I would never call him out on this. I don't want to let myself be walked all over and slapped in the face without letting him know he wronged me face to face. I'd really love to tell her a bunch of stuff to. Like how embarrassed she must feel and how much of a hypocrite she is. I mean do I really have anythign to lose? I have done NC for almost 2 months (aside from the present which I don't really consider contact since I never heard anything back from her) I know we aren't getting back together......I don't want to be friends......what do I have to lose really by breaking NC on this??? I mean unless just saying nothing will be better to show her that I could care less. I dunno what I have to do but something is not letting me have closure on this in my heart. Anymore advice would be GREATLY appreciated.

Sunday Morning- I definetly agree with you. Only thing is I don't want to be brought up on assualt charges or anything. I want to just tell him off face to face and let him know that he has slapped me in the face and he is a low life zero nobody coward. I want my words to sting and let him know that I"m not going to just give him a free pass. Obviousy there is no way he will be my friend again. But rather than just never speak to him again he needs to know how much he wronged me and that I won't just be silent about it. And hey, if he decides to throw the first punch them I'm all for "defending myself." At least then I can't be charged with any crime. Only thing is I don't have 100 percent validation that they are an "item" but I know he is trying to weasel his way in since he has been with her non stop since the breakup and stopped speaking to me right after the breakup happened. All my other friends were there for me. He didn't even call to say he was sorry.

On one hand I want to ignore them, but on the other why act like I don't care when I do. Forget my ex for a second....my friend Steve has blatently slapped me in the face.....I really feel that I should confront him and call him out on it.....he has to see that he will have to face consequences for his actions.....I'm not talking about a violent confrontation (well I won't throw the first punch anyway)....but just tell him off and let him know I won't take this lying down.....if I don't do anything doesn't it seem like I'm giving him a free pass to walk all over me??

Yeah, I am trying to determine what would sting the most....maybe just being like I couldn't care less.....If I show emotion that would mean I care.....If I just don't do anything it might sting her worse knowing that I could gave a rats behind what she does with her life from now on.... I have not contacted her aside from sending her the B day present which I wish I didn't do now. I guess I also have to see it that I'm the good guy here and didn't do anything wrong. I was honest and wouldn't do anything like this in a million years.

For Some background info you can read these threads: link removed link removed Ok, so I still never heard from her about the present I had given her and still haven't heard from my good friend (Steve) that was in love with her since we broke up. So the other night while talking with some mutual friends (who she has barely been in contact with since the breakup) I asked what they thought of the situation. They reluctantly said "we didn't want to tell you about this because we still aren't sure 100 percent but Sue (my friend) got a strange email from Nicole (my ex) saying how she has been spending lots of time with Steve and saying how she is seeing things in him she never saw before and how he took her to a broadway play for her birthday and then they spent a weekend upstate together." Keep in mind she was completely repulsed by this kids feelings for her while we were together and told him nothing would ever happen between them. She ended the email by saying "Well what did I expect the kid has been in love with me for the past 3 years." So that still didn't sound like they were together maybe she is just using him. So after they went home I wanted to find out for myself if I was being completely naive and blind. So I swung by Steve's house at 430am (car not there) then swung by Nicole's house (his car was there.) SO now I'm furious. I seriously took all my strength and prayers not to walk in there and beat the crap out of him. The next day all of the mutual friends got together with me to talk about this. While we were talking another good friend of mine and who also was super close with Nicole (John) said to me "I didn't want to tell you this because I was really ashamed and embarrassed but while we were out together one time Nicole was drinking and started saying to me how it was so cool we were so close and we are so good for eachother and how we should take it to the next level." He said that he played it off that she was just drunk and speaking non sense. He said that all he felt was that they were awesome friends with no feelings for eachother and this weirded him out a little. Then another time they were ot and she was drinking and was like begging him to kiss her. Saying like "lets just try it and see what happens." Then when he said no way, she got all mad and he was even more weirded out but played it off again that she had been drinking. Then it happened a third time he said and she was completely sober. After this they stopped talking. He said he felt so bad and ashamed to tell me and used that she really had feelings for him when he thought they were just friends. I can't believe I dated this person who I obviously didn't really know for 6 years. I shared my life with her and feel ashamed, stupid for not seeing this after almost the exact same thing happened 3 years prior, and embarrassed. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I can't quote it any better than using a line from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind. "What a loss to spend that much time with someone, only to find out that she's a stranger." Thanks for listening....

Well it's been about 2 weeks and still no reply by any means of communications. Not even a simple "Thank You." Now I really feel stupid by giving her anything in the first place. I would have her to have the decency and manners to just express her gratitude. It's not like she had to get into anything about our past.

Hey all if you need some background information here is the thread that basically explains everything: link removed So I did the whole NC thing for about 5 weeks. During this time she didn't contact me either. Actually since we broke up about 6 weeks ago she hasn't initiated contact once, not even to see how I was doing. So anyway, yesterday was her Birthday and I figured that I wanted to give her something just to show I am thinking of her. I wasn't sure if this counted as "breaking no contact" since it was for a special circumstance. I figured I would feel worse if I didn't do anything for her on her Bithday and I am not a heartless person. So I got her a book and a CD of a band she likes. I made her a card with pictures she liked of herself and didn't write anything about wanting to get back together/miss you sappy stuff about our breakup. I basically just said that I wish her all the hapiness in the world on her special day and that I hoped she was doing well in general and had some luck finding a teaching position. Then I wrote some new things that have been going on in my life and how I have been working on myself to become a better more responsible person. Finally I just said how it will be weird not celebrating it with her this year and not planning our Halloween cotumes which we usually do this year. I also had sent flowers. I even drove the gift to her house and let it in the mailbox so she would have it on her birthday without it arriving late. So basicaly yesterday came and went and she didn't call me. Not even an email after all the thoughtfullness I did for her. She was never a mean spirited person. I didn't want to get into a whole big thing with her over the past. I would have just liked to hear a "thank you for thinking of me and I am doing well" type of thing. I still haven't heard anything as of today. Unless she is writing me back something in the mail. What do you guys make of this??? Also something weird is that one of my good friends since I have known since Highschool that she befriended while we were going out and they became real close has not contacted me since me and her broke up. He had professed that he had feelings for her to her when we were going out but she said she was totally not interested in him even if she wasn't going out with me. Its weird I haven'T heard from him. I don't know if he just decided to be 100 percent on her side and thinks he can "move in for the kill" now or what. She said she didn't have feelings for anyone else 100 percent the week after we broke up. I just hope nothing fishy is going on. Thanks for listening and any advice you might have.....

Yes, that is true. I have always felt that I wanted to see what else was out there, but also thought that this was normal for someone in a relationship for such a long time. But I also felt that the risk of breaking up, finding she was the one, and then not being able to have her back outweighed jst staying in the relationship. Even if I wasn't 100 percent happy with who she is as a person, I felt the thigns that I did love about her would cover the other things up. I'm not saying that I won't find something better, but if I don't, I will beat myself up over the fact that I didn't realize this while I was still with her.

I don't know I kind of feel that it is her personality. She always would say that she had commitment issues. I just don't want her to be making a mistake due to that. I mean I definetly need some time away from the relationship too. I may see things differently...or maybe not. Either way right now it's been one day and I'm like dying inside. I miss her so much and feel like I want her back so badly. She has told me right now she is sad but feels at piece with her decision. She said she is gong to be doing alot of soul searching but feels she is making the right choice. She said she is praying that what is meant to happen will happen. She is not praying that it is over and it remains over. I just feel right now that it does need time but maybe if I wait she will really be set with this decision more then she is now. She does sound really sure though. That scares me. RIght now I'm feeling like this is a big mistake and maybe she was the girl for me.

I recently turned 24 and she is turning 24 this September the 7th. I just feel that after 6 years we shouldn't just give up all hope. I feel like everything would have worked itself out if we just kept working at it. I don't feel I was giving 100 percent to the relationship, but then again we didn't have any long term plans for marriage yet. I felt we were both happy with the place we were at. It's very strange because after we had the talk about 6 months ago when she was ready to break up, the relationship was now going good. She didn't deny that either. She said she was happy with the relationship, she just felt like we were more of "friends" with benifits. I don't see how you can feel that way after 6 years. Everyone who had asked her "how are things with Matt" lately she said "yeah everything is good I am enjoying it." I just can't understand it. I just can't comprehend how I can go from having someone in my life 100 percent like that to having nothing. It just feels so unreal.

Any advice or comforting words would help thanks....

Hello all- I am very distraught. My GF of 6 years this august broke up with me yesterday. It wasn't out of the blue because every now and again she would always ask "are we in love" "are you in love with me?" etc. I was never really sure how to respond. Of course I loved her but I too wasn't sure we were "in love." I definetly did not want to end the relationship because I always thought that you had to work on relationships. I wasn't in a do or die situtation all the time so I just figured that whenever she brought that up I could talk her out of it. We had broken up initially after about a year and a half (her choice but I agreed after much begging and pleading) because our relationship got kind of bad and we were fighting alot but we remained friends. During that time we were DEFINETLY more then friends and still had feelings for eachother. We still also fought and were jealous. We still fooled around and stuff. Then one day she got together with one of my good friends and didn't tell me about it. It was weird becuase we weren't "together" but we were ya know? Confusing. Finally I knew something was up and she told me and then all hell broke loose. To make that long story short she ended up not really wanting to be with my friend soon after and we got together and talked. We said that for a whole month we were going to just stay away from eachother and work on ourselves individually. We just wanted to see where God would lead us. Well about a month passed and I had sent her a package on her B day and one day she surprised me at work. We started haning out again and things were REALLY good. We still weren't "together" but we were not seeing other people and were hanging out alot and getting along really well. Things went like that for a while maybe a year and then we decided that we were a couple agin. But since the time when everything happened and we didnt see eachother for a month, we didn't have much of a physical relationship. No more fooling around and not really much kissing. Finally I had said that I felt we had to love eachother physically and emotionally for us both to get fulfillment out of the relationship. We started being physicla again finally. Then a year after that things kind of soured. She kept saying that she felt like we were more "friends" then "lovers." I did kinda get that feeling but since this was my first BIG relationship I didn't know what "in love" meant. I know you can't be like all "butterflies" and stuff all the time after 6 years like when you first like someone, so I just thought that once we really decided to be with eachother ad get maried that would just com,e. It would be something we had to continually work at. Well after she brought that up we stayed together and then she wouldnt really talk about it. Whenever she would talk about getting married she would never include me. It wouldnt be "when we get married" it would be "when I get married. Then about 6 months ago we were fighting alot and stuff again and she wanted to breakup. I basically pleaded again with her and said you know "we can change" lets give it one last "shot" Lets really commit to eachother its do or die time. It's much easier to stay together and try to work it out rathr then just throw away 5 and a half years. So I convinced her and then got really good again for a while. Things still had been good up to this point when she broke up with me yesterday. She said she wasn't planning on it, but we were sitting outside and she just said "Matt you know nothing has really changed in my heart since we had the last talk. I tried to be open and vulnerable to you and physical. I thought maybe I was preventing myself from being in love with you for some reason. I tried to commit myself 100 percent I said this is my boyfriend. But I just know in my heart I am not meant to marry you. I love you so much but I am not in love with you." I said I felt that we were in love (even though I wasn't 100 percent sure...I still didn't want to break up) Then she said well I'm not. and I said well why are you staying with me? and she said I guess thats what I'm trying to say. I am happy with our relationship how it is now but that doesn't matter. I do not feel like I am in love and you are the "one" She left and I knew it was really over this time. I called her again and said how much I loved her and if she changed her mind I would always be there. I called her again 2 times today. I just can't understand why she wants to do this. I just figured that I would end up marrying her even though I wasn't 100 percent sure at this point in my life I wasnt looking to get married now anyway. I think I would be just as bad if we decided we were getting married and that was that. I just didnt want to break up. We were 100 percent intertwined in eachothers lives. I can't imagine going from that to absolutley nothing. Never seeing the person again. I feel all twisted inside like I am constantly going to throw up. I can't believe this is real. I feel like I wasted 6 years of my life and she wont listen to just stay together and see how things go. There is no one else we are interested in I just don't get it. I was content that I didn't have to try and find someone else. I would have married her. I don't even know where to go from now. I wish she would just change her heart. I feel now that I am never going to find anyone. For all the things I wish I could change about her....they weren't important. I know we could have had a great life together. I feel so sad and alone and panicked. Thanks for listening......