For the past couple of years, I (20 f) have been under the impression that I was entirely aromantic, so, when a good opportunity for a threesome with my two attractive best friends arose, I didn’t think things would get too complicated. We’ll call these two people T (20 m) and E (21 f), they’ve been dating for a little over a year now, and the three of us have been living together for a little under a year.
It actually had gone surprisingly smoothly at first, I spiced up their sex-life a bit and I got something to curb my touch-starvation. I wasn’t in a romantic relationship with them, but I was in a sexual and physically affectionate one. Or two. However, a couple months into this T very drunkenly told me he loved me and sometimes wished E wasn’t there when I was with him. I felt apathetic to the love confession at the time, but got pretty distressed about how he spoke about E. She’s really sweet and I don’t like the idea of him taking her for granted. I left the room after that conversation and we didn’t speak on it again.
Around the time this happened, E started getting a bit more aloof around me. Less cuddly, cutting off opportunities to interact with the both of them, but never once communicating to me about anything that could be bothering her. I told them both from the beginning and emphasized many times if I’m doing something that bothers them, to tell me, and I’ll stop right away. I started realizing E wasn’t interested in me at all, like, not really sexually either. I was a good way to spice up her sex life, but she didn’t really desire sex with me, so since then, I haven’t really done anything with her (wish she just told me before I bought the worlds most expensive strap). So me and T have mostly been spending our time together solo when she’s not here (she knows of course), but when she’s home she’ll usually take him to their room and I won’t see much of either the rest of the day.
Over the course of the past 4 weeks or so, I realized I don’t think that I’m entirely aromantic, and I definitely have feelings for T. I consider myself polyamorous, so I wouldn’t mind being in an actual relationship with E, or just T being in two separate relationships with E and myself, but E would not be happy with that. She’s okay with consensual non-monogamy, but not full on polyamory. I’m starting to feel really upset when T comes home and cuddles me some, but I get left alone when E comes home, but I, in a real pathetic way, want to cling to any bit of affection I can get before I’m gonna be left alone.
TLDR: I got myself into my friends’ (whom I live with) relationship thinking it was impossible for me to catch feelings, but I did anyway. T, the guy I like, does like me back, but E, his girlfriend, would not be comfortable with T and I being in a romantic relationship.
I have two conflicting desires
1. to have at least a more equal romantic relationship with T
2. to not leave anyone upset, especially E in this situation
I have a couple of options I can think of, since nothing will actually satisfy both
• I tell T I have feelings for him and because of that we should probably stop or chill out or something. I do not want to stop this though.
• I say nothing and keep doing what I’ve been doing, even though I’m feeling pretty heartbroken every time I’m left alone.
There’re probably other options but I can’t think of anything. Any advice would be appreciated!
(apologies if this is a bit longer than most posts on this site. I have ADHD and find it difficult trimming down on detail)
