I’m a mixed white, Asian, half black male from the northern Midwest. I am passing white for many. My girlfriend of 9 months is white from the south. About a month ago while driving I asked her not to play her music that used the N-word because it offended me. Only when I asked I accidentally slipped and used the full N-word with the ‘ er ‘ending. She went ballistic. And despite my repeated apologies for saying the word, and offending her, she remained pissed. She said my use of the word was a ‘blatant display of the ignorance of that version of the word’.
I attempted to explain that I had long ugly history of being called that exact word- fights in HS, cops in GA, denied a job at a CC because too much N-word in me, and countless other times. It did not alter the conversation. Last night, it came up again and she said that since our skin color was the same she doubted I was black at all. Then I lost it, kicked her out. The subsequent text were not any better although I did send a copy of my birth certificate because I was so pissed and offended.
She believes she is woke on the subject of race, attends every activist rally, even got arrested at a BLM protest. She told me this is more about colorism and that I should do more research on it. I feel like she is being racist to me and I’m being prosecuted for one mistake which I’ve apologized for a thousand different ways – ironically while asking not to hear her music using derivatives of the very same word.
Am I wrong, is this salvageable ?