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Tommysubie

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  1. She told me she hasn’t been with anyone in a year. She’s been focusing on herself, and achieving her goals. She has grown a custom to a solitary lifestyle, because she is reaping the benefits of it. Now, I’m disrupting her harmony, and so is her brother. I’m not assuming anything. I’m taking it for face value, because those were her words.
  2. I apologize if you were offended by my statement. My motive wasn’t to judge a person’s sexuality, but to point out that not everything is in black and white. Her and I have had an intimate relationship in the past, and we are still sexually attracted to each other. However, she has placed a standard for herself over the years to only date women. Her argument is, she is supposed to only be attracted to women, because that is the reality she has placed upon herself. My argument, is that if you are sexually attracted to me(a man), then her argument is invalid. This is because, if you are attracted to someone, you could be with them, if the other party is willing to reciprocate. I hope you understand what I’m trying to say, because I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone or make them feel judged by the way they were born. My brother is trans, and I love and support him greatly. Now to answer the second part: I can’t speak for her, because this is a path of self realization. However, I have never stopped loving her. She was my lover and best friend. As she has looked for me in other people, so have I. People never change who they really are. She has told me, that because she couldn’t find me in other men, this led her to her decision to date women. That “ new me” thing is a lie. There are layers of time and experience that is what is added to your personality, but the person is still the same person. We built such a foundation that, even in a generation of instant gratification, we would be able to work out the small things that most people end relationships over in the first 4 months. She has already told me a lot of who she’s become. She’s still her, just with a new wardrobe.
  3. This is what she texted me today: I’m not upset with you I just need time to process… my life feels chaotic right now and It’s alot going on… over the years I’ve become less of a sharer. Don’t take offense I have to go inward before I can look outward.
  4. You have great insight on sexuality. However I feel as though some of what your answers I feel are based upon little background information. Which isn’t your fault. She told me the battle in her head. It’s a “ I thought I was gay” feeling. Again, she hasn’t been with a man in over a decade, and as she put it, “ and here I come along, the one man I would be with”. She seriously is having issues with identifying with her sexuality, and I feel as though me re entering her life after she is finally starting to figure it out, is causing conflict with who she believes she is. These were her words. As far as her acting like I child, I didn’t mean literally. I meant that she vibrates that feeling when you are really into someone. I’ve dated a lot of women. Believe it or not, I’m studying to become a relationship therapist. I want to help people because I wish I had more resources on the topic, and if I did, I wouldn’t have made this post. But I say all that to say, I know dating psychology, and I know women pretty well, and I have never, ever, ever, seen a woman look at me the way she does. It’s like a girl crushing on you x100. I believe I’m considered an attractive man, so I am used to women acting gitty, or shy. This is completely different. If any man let’s go of a woman that adores you that much, he is a fool. And so I was… what I’m trying to say, is that isn’t an ordinary ex bf/gf situation. I know she loves me. I’m not delusional. If it was, I’d know how to handle it. Believe me. But she’s not just anyone to me. I’m not just anyone to her either. Yet here we are. Her and I’s last positive conversation, she was talking about keeping her “MY” ovaries healthy, and that if we had children, they would basically be royalty. So if a woman isn’t interested in a man, why in 2021 especially talk like that, if they weren’t thinking it? It’s not a matter of if she’s interested in me. She’s told me that she is. But her actions, and some of her language displays to me, fear, confusion, anxiety, and panic. She is high with me, and then gets scared and jumps off. These are the vibes I’m getting from her.
  5. Although I agree with you of how “irrelevant” it is due to her being bisexual… however, apparently this my not the case. 1. There are spectrums of homosexuality, and heterosexuality. 2. Even though we’ve had a romantic history, we we’re 16 years old. She hadn’t explored her sexuality. She dated a few guys after me, and it was only women after that. It’s been 10 years since she’s been with a man. Let alone the only man that she’s ever loved. she has been to herself lately, and afraid to date anyone. She’s been working on herself, and she is very protective of what she has built. She’s been through a lot, and doesn’t want to let someone in to disrupt that. Man, or woman.
  6. 1. No I haven’t seen her. 2. We’ve reconnected over a month ago. 3. 4 flying hours. 13 driving hours. 4. She has been single for a very long time.
  7. She moved from NY to Chicago. Her brother moved in with her to get away from NY to clear her head. She’s been really stressed out about it. In fact, we were fine until he moved in. She has told me, because of his depression, he’s been wandering the streets at night, and she’s been worried. She’s spending all of her money to keep them afloat. The night before we got into the “fight”, I bought her and her brother dinner because I know it’s getting difficult for her. I truly feel like she does not like change. Her parents aren’t really in the picture. They had divorced when she was young and raised by her father. Her father was kinda messed up towards her, and she bares the burdens of an abusive childhood. He didn’t want me to date her, and we never saw each other. She had a new year’s party at her house, and her father said that if I showed up, that I could date her. I didn’t show up because I didn’t have a ride, and I was too prideful to ask for one. This broke her heart because she took it as I didn’t want to be with her. She looked for me in other men, and was hurt by them. After that, she’s only dated women. She isn’t currently seeing anyone, and she hasn’t in a while.
  8. Sorry everyone I should have more details. Okay… I never met my mother. I recently found her, but she was in a coma, and in life support. My ex and I reconnected right before this happened, and she was with me throughout the whole process. Her brother recently moved in, and is giving her problems because he is depressed. She’s been shutting down because of this. I’ve been back and fourth with her about it, and even asked her if she needed space. She said absolutely not.a few days later, it was the same thing, so I stopped reach out for a few days. I reached out after the 3rd day, and she said that she was starting to feel as if I was running away from her. I explained that I felt I had to give her space, in order for her to decompress and figure things out. Last night we had a great FaceTime call. I swear I’m not making this a dream in my own head, but we are very affectionate towards each other, as if we were still teenagers. Today I brought up possibly getting a transfer to her city, and that’s when she said that it’s a lot of pressure for her because she is different than she was before. I asked in what regards, and she said that she also likes women. I can understand that that is a total lifestyle change than what’s she is used to, but she is physically attracted to me, and we have the best chemistry. I feel after writing this, that she would have to find the same amount of courage to be with me, as it took to be with a woman in the first place. Anyway… I know it’s not a lack of wanting to be with me.(I’ve been there plenty of times before) I was this girls king, and she still looks at me like that. I firmly feel like it’s something else wrong here.
  9. I’m sorry, I accidentally left out the part where I asked her if she wanted me to back off, and she said no, anything but that. 🤦🏽‍♂️ this is why I’m so confused.
  10. Hello everyone, I’ve recently reconnected with my ex girlfriend after 15 years. I broke up with her when I was 17, because it was really hard to see her due to her overbearing father. I really want to be with her and start a family. She still looks at me differently than any other woman on earth. She turns into a little girl when we are together. I can truly tell she loves me, but she won’t admit it or deny it. and I believe that it’s because she hasn’t been with a man in 10 years. She told me today that me asking her to be with me was adding a lot of pressure in her life, and that I don’t know her anymore because she has changed. I told her that the pressure was because she has to step out of her comfort zone in order to be with me, and it wasn’t completely biological. All she said was “ Wow” after that, and stopped texting. I know it’s a lot of stress when dealing with her identity, but I believe that there should be more relief that we’ve reconnected, than pressure. I would give anything to be with her, even after all these years. I’m just not sure what to do…
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