I'm going to try and sum up the background on this. My friend Melissa is super passionate about her views on a particular political topic and has talked about it some throughout our friendship. I myself did not know much about it but didn't enjoy hearing about it from her because some of the stuff she would say sounded a bit extreme. Regardless, I never said anything until recently. Melissa was going on one of her rants and starting to say things that were really upsetting me. Just stuff that didn't sit right with my spirit. I finally told her I couldn't really talk about it anymore with her because I didn't think we would agree on it and it was best to just move on. I tried acting normal in our group chat with our friend Mary afterward, sending memes and texts to show that I wasn't upset with Melissa, I just wanted to talk about something else. We (as in me+ Melissa+Mary) don't usually talk about politics anyway so it wasn't strange for me to change the subject to TV/movies.
Melissa hasn't said a single thing to me since then, I've gotten increasingly upset with her reaction to this and feel like ending the friendship tbh. We used to chat almost every day casually but I feel so fed up. After about a week I realized she was seriously giving me the silent treatment (stonewalling?) and thought about reaching out, but decided against it because I feel the silent treatment is manipulative. This is where her behavior just got meaner IMO. First, Mary told me that Melissa asked her to stop posting in the group chat (which feels like Melissa was trying to alienate me). Then, I hear again through this friend that she was upset to see me + Mary hanging out on social media. I still refused to reach out to Melissa because I did not want to fall for what felt like stonewalling and manipulation in response to me standing up for my beliefs.
It's now been literally months and we haven't said a single word to each other. I heard again through Mary that Melissa is upset I haven't reached out to her and questioning if I even want to be her friend. Melissa is upset I didn't reach out for her birthday, too (meanwhile I got engaged but she didn't reach out to me either). Mary told me that she also said if I want to be friends again, she wants an apology for 'shutting her down' and for me to acknowledge her views.
All of it just feels so petty, catty, and mean. I'm just so done with it. I feel such guilt that Mary got dragged into this and feel afraid at what Melissa might say about me. All of it takes me back to feeling like a teenager because the behavior seems so immature. I seriously couldn't believe someone who was once my friend was treating me like this in response to me just asking to not talk about a certain topic. I just felt so hurt and confused. I feel angry now, and I don't know what to do or why I care so much.
I feel like these are all friendship red flags, so I should just leave her in the dust, right? Am I overreacting a bit here? Do I send a goodbye message with my reasons? Do I just let it drift away? Quite honestly my life has been fine without her in it but her reaction to all of this has upset me a lot for some reason. I'm so tired of wasting emotional energy on this BS.
in summary: Told a good friend I couldn't talk about a certain topic, have gotten the silent treatment for months in response to saying this. Now friend is demanding an apology for shutting her down in order to be friends again. I feel pretty certain that I want to end the friendship, but a) if so how do I do it and b) am I overreacting by being so upset about this?
