Squigg

I went on a first date recently with a woman from a dating app. The date went really well, conversation was great and we both agreed. Towards the end of the date she said we should meet up again and I agreed. Had a quick kiss at the end of the night and she texted me the next morning. I thought everything was good then she said she wasn't sure she felt a spark and it was niggling at her. I don't want advice about her specifically she'll either get back in touch with me or she wont, it was only one date after all. What I'm curious about is does everyone look for that 'spark'. For me an initial attraction is important but I think it takes a couple of date to get rid of the nerves and really know if there is something there worth exploring, especially someone from a dating app where you are basically meeting a total stranger. Would be curious what people think about it.

Thanks for the advice. I totally agree what I did was out of line and looking back I honestly don't know why I did it. I was nervous and it was a stupid spur of the moment thing. It was totally out of character for me. I guess there is a selfish side of me that just wants her to know that but I think she probably does already and it doesn't matter. I think messing up that way just made me feel like an idiot because I was really interested in where things might have led with her.

I recently went on a couple of dates with someone that I thought went really well. Shared interests, good communication and a lot of laughing. When I was walking her back to her car I was pushing her up a hill because she had sore legs from the gym. She complained I wasn't really pushing and I joked I could push lower down then and pushed her bum. I texted her about a third date and she said I weirded her out and didn't think a third date was a good idea. I felt terrible for having done what I did and apologised and said I overstepped and immediately regretted it. She told me she would consider it over the weekend but she has had bad experiences in the past and this is a red flag. It was only a second date but I thought there was potential. I have not contacted her to give her the space she wants but would like to reach out on Monday if I don't hear from her. I have thought about what I did and would like to explain that it was meant in a flirty way but I totally misread the situation. Should I just leave it and if she wants to she can contact me?

Thank you everyone for all the advice. I will give it some time and let her be. I know how I feel about her. If she comes to me I would be happy to see her again, if she doesn’t at least I know how she feels.

I see what you’re saying but we live about an hour apart and I was working the weekend she was out. I work 15 hour days so she knew I wasn’t around. I think you’re right that I was dumped in a really passive way. I just can’t see the girl I have gotten to know recently ending things that way. Maybe that’s just wishful thinking. I just don’t understand how it was great Thursday and gone by Sunday/Monday. Do people lose interest that quickly?

Thanks Batya33 I thought the same that I had scared her off a bit by being too clingy/insecure. From your experience of needing space would you suggest cutting contact all together and see if she misses me? Or is the odd text just to say something like ‘hope you have a nice day’ a good idea? I don’t want her to think I don’t care about her. I appreciate everyone is different but I appreciate the advice. At this point I feel like if it doesn’t work out it wasn’t meant to be. I just want to give it a chance.

So to give a bit more context we FaceTimed on Thursday night and everything was great. Friday was a busy day so just one message between us. That’s not unusually. She was planning to see me on Sunday night but had a hospital appointment on the Monday so called it off on the Saturday. She went out to see some school friends Friday night then the same friends again at their band practise on Saturday night. On Sunday morning I saw she has been out again with her male friends. After that and blowing me off for Sunday night I had a feeling she was losing interest and said as much in a text. Asked if she was still interested in dating. Sunday I didn’t hear much from her because she said she went AWOL being nervous about the hospital. Monday I texted her about how it went. Also told her I could shake the feeling she wasn’t interested in me anymore. I didn’t get a reply but I think she was sleeping off the hospital treatment. Tuesday I woke up reread all the messages with a fresh head and told her I had been an idiot over the weekend. Also I sent her some flowers in the post to help her feel a bit better about the hospital treatment. She replied she was all over the place and could have been better I told her I hoped I didn’t add to her stress. Then she told me she needs a step back to work on her own physical and mental health. I know she is busy and stressed at work. Also she does have hospital treatment and assessments on going. Also we have both had previous mental health problems so I believe her. I just want to know is it a step back and slow things down or is it a step away all together.

Thanks Batya33 I thought the same that I had scared her off a bit by being too clingy/insecure. From your experience of needing space would you suggest cutting contact all together and see if she misses me? Or is the odd text just to say something like ‘hope you have a nice day’ a good idea? I don’t want her to think I don’t care about her. I appreciate everyone is different but I appreciate the advice. At this point I feel like if it doesn’t work out it wasn’t meant to be. I just want to give it a chance.

I am in a fairly new relationship (5/6 weeks). Things went great for the first month and was fairly intense. We both seemed to be on the same page and really liked each other. She told me she had never felt like this in a relationship and thought I was one of the most attractive people she had met. We were both busy and didn’t see each other for a couple of weeks but still texted. She started to text a bit less and was hanging out more with her friends. I will hold my hands up and say I was a bit intense and jealous (due to issues I need to resolve from a previous relationship) and said I had a feeling she was no longer interested in me. Since that weekend she has told me she needs to take a step back to work on her mental health. Am I being an idiot waiting for her or is it really over and I need to move on? I want to give her some space and work on me for a couple of weeks and let her come to me.