sam6

Thank you, I have never had this magnitude of a break up and been so emotionally invested in trying to fix it. I lived with her this summer and it was a stressful time in life for the both of us. We weren't really there for eachother how we shouldve been. I have accepted that she is moving on although the thought of her with someone else is lethal. There are a lot of things that I found great about her, and like many of you said, thats part of the process of grieving. We called last night. We laughed about how down the line we might have feelings for eachother still, or maybe she would miss me and i would have already moved on, and the timing would be off. Whatever it may be, we were talking about that and it gave me hope which I should let go of. It was a light hearted convseration. It was painful when I realized that it may be the last one. She seemed to be much stronger than I was when talking. We were both very calm because we knew it was over. I need to tell myself that its over so I dont keep hanging on forever. She told me that she could not imagine herself dating anyone else , but she knows she doesnt want to date me. I know this is the case because its early and I dont want to be fooled by thinking she is going to call me crying that she made a mistake and is on her way to me right now. Realistically, she moved on before I did. She is also at a stage of grieving and she too will get over this probably more quickly than I will because I was invested much longer. I guess what i'm trying to convey is I just cant see myself without this person. They were such a source of happiness to be and I feel so empty that they are gone. I know I should be working on creating happiness for myself, so I am more suited to be in a relationship but man it hurts. Does anyone have advice as far as getting over this? I have thought about therapy, and currently are talking with friends, family, and trying to distract myself as best I can. I just having a hard time trying to see why she wasnt worth it in the long run because I cleary had a moment of realization when I initially cut ties 2 days ago.

I just broke things off with my girlfriend and i feel absolutely gutted. I feel very empty inside. I was could tell that things were not going super well because we didnt miss eachother when we were away for small periods of time. I know thats healthy sometimes but I just thought it was a little odd. We had a lot of fun times as well as almost an equal amount of hard times but we always found a way through it. I did end things with her because she started to treat me like I wasnt important and she stopped trying as far as maintaining the relationship. It's both of our faults but she fell out of love before I did and thats what hurts. I am still very much in love with her. One thing I did notice about myself when i am reflecting now (its been 2 days) is that I relied on her too much for happiness. I was so reliant on her to make me happy and i think that put pressure on her that she ended up not liking. It pushed her away I think and that really hurts thinking that if only i was more independent this would have never happened. Another thing that was a road block for a successful relationship I think was that she did not like herself and was very insecure. This was probably very hard for her because I know it was very hard for me to try to be happy when with her. She was very cynical and defensive about everything. She had a lot on her plate as far as finishing her thesis paper which she was not enjoying, as well as running for a d1 track program that she was also not enjoying. I tried my best to try to help her relax, although I think a lot of the time it made it worse. Both of us also dont really know exactly what we want our career paths to be which may have added to the stress pool. I talked with her over the phone and after a few days we were remarkably calm talking about the relationship and what maybe went wrong and how we currently feel. As i said before, I am very much still in this with this person, although they seemed to fall out of love with me slowly before the break up happened. We laughed at everything that seemed to be serious a few days earlier and I seemed to cry a little more than she did because I think she had moved on by now. WHAT I AM STRUGGLING WITH is why i feel so much love for her even though she treated me poorly? I know I deserve more love than this but I just cant seem to get over her. Why?? I would fall on the sword for this person when im not sure they would do the same for me. I know I need to keep myself busy and let myself feel emotions, but I just still love her so much. She told me that she still loves me and cares for me but she just doesnt want to date me right now because she just doesnt feel attracted to me the same way, as well as trying to find her own path in her messy life. I understand and accept her reasoning but its so damn painful to deal with this reality when just a couple days ago I thought we were gonna get married at some point. 5 years is a long time to have a best friend taken from me.

Pink, im sorry to read about your situation. From an outsider perspective, you seem like a good person that cares about others more than yourself. This relationship does not seem healthy obviously although I can see your hesitation when it comes to staying. Its a scary thing to leave a secure life and that will lead to a lot of uncertainty in the future. Don't let yourself get in your own way here. Nobody deserves what you are experiencing. You deserve better than what he offers. Hard pill to swallow. You can break free from this. Get the support of your friends and family and be as honest with them as possible. People are kind when it comes to this. The only way to a better life is to take that scary first step and start a path to something new. You know how this will end if you do nothing, so try to muster up the courage to change your life in this way. I believe in you, sam