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Shaz48

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Everything posted by Shaz48

  1. I have messaged on here before about my ex and appreciate your comments and views on my situation. My ex is part of a social group that we both belong to so it has been really hard for me to move on and heal as i have to see him. I am an organiser in this group and i arrange social events to which he the books onto, which as part of the group he is allowed to do. I have been trying very hard to accomodate this and be civil but he has been begging me for forgiveness and saying that he is sorry and can we try again. I have thought hard about this but everytime i trust him a little something will change and he reverts to type. The last time he said he didnt like me stroking a dog. He is now saying that i act differently around certain people and that they "own me". i am not even sure of what this even means. he says it is what he observes as i am different towards him when they are around. I have explained that i feel awkward when i see him as i still feel a lot of hurt as to what he has done but i am also trying to be civil for the sake of our mutual friends and the social group. He said that i am manipulating people against him and one of these friends of mine is my secondary owner (whatever that means). Everytime we talk i end up crying and he sits there and says he has done nothing wrong. When we are out he will make comments that only I know what they mean and i therefore stupidly react by making a comment or pulling a face, to which he is now saying i am causing an atmosphere and i have to stop this. But i say no he is doing that on purpose to make me behave in such a way to then make me look the bad one and make him look like the innocent nice guy. The problem i have is i think i know what he is doing but i keep still falling for it when he says he is sorry and regrets what he has done and he loves me. I have told him i do not trust him and it would never work but did want to try and be civil and we get so far and then bam another episode will arise where we end up arguing. He also keeps accusing me of telling too many people what he has done to try and destroy him but i didnt i only told our friends the truth of what he did when they asked what had happened not thinking anything more of it. In hindsight i probably shouldnt have told people too much but i was hurting. I have now blocked him and told him that we are no longer going to be able to talk as he keeps hurting me and i know he is starting to make me look like i am the one causing trouble in our social group and i am starting very much to wonder if he is narcissistic. People have told me that his behaviour is very much narcissistic and controlling but i keep thinking no he cant be. What i need help with is now i have blocked him and told him that we can no longer have any chats how do i make sure he doesnt worm his way back into my head when he starts turning up again at my social events. I need to stay strong as i am almost certain what he is doing to me but he keeps trying to make me think he doesnt mean it and he loves me. Does what he has done and said give me any reason to think he is a narc or at least controlling? He dumped me by text after 4 years, said i smell as i only showered once not twice a day and not for more than 15 mins each time, now he says he loves me and he has made a mistake. He also cheated at the beginning of our relationship with 2 people but lied about it and never told me that he did that until after we broke up when i found out from someone else and now he says he is a changed man and he has sorted himself out but then he says things like i am owned by my new friends and that they are filling my head with stuff about him and that i am manipulating people against him......but he loves me???? What is this guy trying to do to me?
  2. Ive posted before about my ex who just wont go away, after the last problem when i wasnt sure to give him another chance or not, we have spoken again and i told him that i have made up my mind and we wont be getting back together but as we need to be around eachother in our social group that we are in we decided to work on being "ok" with each other as every time we speak alone he seems nice and we end up thrashing things out and even having a laugh so even after all that he has done to me i decided that we can move forward this way. However the next day he was told i had lunch with a friend of mine, a friend that he happens not to like as she did post some nasty things about him on social media, and he text me to ask me if i was playing him as he was told i had lunch with her. i said i dont need to tell you who i have lunch with and ive done nothing wrong. He said the i should have told him and if i told him that i didnt agree with what she done why would i go to lunch with her? I said you can be friends with someone but not always agree with them. He wouldnt tell me who told him about this, but he got really annoyed to the point where he was telling me to choose better friends, she will *** me over when she is bored of me, she is jealous and i am letting a spinster ruin my life. I said he has ruined my life and he is the one who has ***ed me over and it went on. I told him that he has yet again hurt me the minute i lower my guard and he was saying that i am the one being nasty to him. I am sorry but i still dont see what i have done wrong, just because i had lunch with a friend that he doesnt like. He also sees people who i dont like but i have no right to say anything and when i tried to explain it i get told "whatever". Why can i not seem to tell this guy to leave me alone. i always believe what he tells me when he sees me. my last communication was saying that i knew he would do this and that he has hurt me again with his flare up after putting some trust into him when we spoke on friday. He has not contacted me since and i am infuriated as i have things i want to say as i am angry. However i know when he sees me again he will spin my some story and tell me he loves me etc. I honestly do not understand why he is doing this to me and why i cannot cut him off. Any suggestions as to how i can finally tell him that ive had enough of this bearing in mind i will have to see him from time to time. i thought i was trying to do the right thing so we can be okay around each other but it looks like that may not be possible doesnt it? what are your thoughts again please?
  3. I was with my ex for 4 years, he ended our relationship by text and ignored my messages. I went to see him and he told me he ended it because i smelled as i only showered once a day and it should be twice. He then continued to ignore my messages and i was left heartbroken. 8 Months later he tells me he has made a mistake and wants me back. He has told me that he loves me and has worked out all his past committment issues and that he is ready to love me, as in the past he was not which is something i knew about and was patient with and understood, however sometimes it was hard for me as all i wanted was him to be more affectionate with me. He is promising me that he can make it up to me and show me how much he loves me etc. However when i told him how much he had hurt me and that i didnt trust him (i also found out at the beginning of our relationship he slept with 2 other women, he says he was in a bad place back then and he never cheated when we got more serious and that he was a different person back then) and that i wasnt sure if i could forgive him and not sure it would now work or ever be the same and i asked if we could take it slow and be friends again and see if anything naturally got back for me and he was not happy with that and kept pushing me for an answer. i didnt understand his hurry and said if he is pushing me to make a decision now then its a no, well he got angry and started saying that he left me because i ***ing stink, my *** reeks, really nasty stuff. I said why does he want me back if thats all true and he said because now i know i will make more effort. He has totally devastated me with this as i do not know what ive done wrong as i always showered before seeing him, apart from when we was in lockdown i was very anxious and depressed and he did pop over in the garden a couple of times and he said i looked awful and my hair was greasy, and that was the time he keeps referring to as to when he felt i was letting myself go etc. I was angry as i said to him that i was anxious and not coping very well back then and rather than presume i was being dirty why didnt he ask if i was ok. I even told him how anxious i was feeling and he never understood it, just made jokes about it. He said recently that he was wrong to not speak to me and that he was wrong not to understand. I have cried almost every day for almost a year over this break up and the things he has said. He is still telling me he loves me and he wants to prove to me that he is sorry and he is now saying we can go at my pace and take as long as i need, where as a few months ago he was not prepared to do that but now he says he is. So i said to him last week that i would give him a chance to show me but very slowly as i need to see that he means it. He was very happy and was being very loving, more so than ever before, and he was telling me how he has changed. However i still feel he is pushing me too fast as he was talking about me staying over his house, going away together etc and on one hand that sounds all very nice but i told him i was not ready yet as we havent even had a few dates and he said why? That made me wonder if he is still not listening or am i just being too scared? Anyway we went for a walk on tuesday eve just gone with a group of friends and one of our friends brought their dog along. The dog is a lovely dog and i was stroking him but sanitized my hands after as i know my ex dont like dogs. at the end of the night he drove me home and i said jokingly did i smell as it was a hot night and i guess being a bit flippant about his comments about me smelling was on my mind and he said no but i wish you would leave that dog alone. He said he was hoping to have a cuddle but ive touched the dog. I did not like this remark as i felt it again portrayed me as being smelly or dirty just because i touched a dog. I said i never let him lick my face or anything so what did i do wrong? i did get a little cross and said well i dont like you shagging other women (i know i should not have said this). He said through gritted teeth oh i cant be putting up with this and that i dont want it to work as i turn everything upside down. I left the car and he hasnt contacted me since. Now my question is, this guy has told me he is sorry and he will prove it to me and he wont let me down, yes we had a hiccup which i think is understandable at the start of possibly trying to work things out, but after one hiccup he has bolted, surely that is not proving me anything and i know feel like he has shown again that he cannot be trusted to not hurt me if i did open myself back up to him. I thought he would message me the next day to apologise or to talk about it but he hasnt. he will say he is giving me space no doubt but surely if he is trying to show me he loves me he would not have bolted at the first hurdle and say he cannot put up with this? What should i do?
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