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SoCalMan38

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  1. I’ll tell ya what…after posting this thread last week and reading all the responses, I have been thinking very differently accepting that she is not coming back. Within that week I cannot tell you how much better I feel. It’s only been 9 weeks overall, but I was a bit of a mess the first 8 weeks. I was definitely holding onto hope everyday. That made it much worse without knowing. Wanted to thank everyone for the honest answers. Not easy to read at first, but it definitely helped me to take the necessary steps to move forward. I’ll post back in a month. Thanks again!
  2. Bro, all of this stuff is for me. I have always been like that my entire life. I lost myself during Covid, that is it. This has nothing to do with her. It is for me. For my next relationship, OR, maybe one day she works through some of the issues she was dealing with and decides she wants to give us another shot. If that ever happens, I ain’t got a shot in hell being that guy I was during Covid.
  3. Hot Yoga 5 times a week, training for my second marathon, always been an athlete and very healthy. The drinking is something I want to incorporate back into my life responsibly. I am seeing a therapist to work through all of this. We have a good plan in place for everything. The excessive drinking is gone. No longer interested in drinking to alleviate stress. Hot Yoga has been incredible for me for this.
  4. 100%. Never been faced with so many insane things in my life. We had some great time together our last year, but she definitely was frustrated about how I coped. Nothing much I can do, but move forward and better myself. Have already grown so much the past 2 months. Lost 20 lbs, stopped drinking, will probably do another 30 days before thinking about introducing moderation back into my life. She is well aware of my progress too. And she told me that she understood I was facing an impossible situation. But, you’re absolutely correct. I am hopeful that she will give this another chance in the future, but I can only allow myself to be the person she fell for. I was not that guy the last year!
  5. Thanks for sharing. I have only communicated with her 2 friends because they called. I tend to believe, the year or so during Covid, really damaged our relationship. Lots of stress and it definitely started to chip away at the insecurities. I truly believe if Covid did not happen we would have had more time to continue to develop our relationship. My good friends did not finally get on the same page until year 5 of their relationship. Now they are happy and planning to get married. I tried to explain that Covid was over, I was healing, drinking has stopped, dropping weight, let’s give this more time outside of the extreme stresses from this past year. She was not willing to work on anything, obviously. So hard. From what my friends tell me that have gone through this, they typically do come back in some way shape or form when you have totally moved on. Hard to imagine what that would feel like, but only time will bring me to that place. Also, for the first time in my life, at age 38, I am really wanting to settle down and have a family. Never really thought or acted like this before. I always just thought it would happen when it does. Hard to have put so much of myself into someone for 3.5 years only to see such a final ending that ended in heartbreak.
  6. Doesn’t sound promising lol. Crap 😞 Anyone have a happy story where the girl decided she wanted to give it a second chance?
  7. Yup, only had 2 conversations with her friends. That is it. I have not spoken to her in weeks. The tough part is she told me she needs to “work on herself” She thought something was wrong with her because she was not sure why she was struggling to move forward with me. She told me she is worried about her future and it may never happen for her. Hard to understand that because I was so sure. I don’t know, just seems like maybe she needs time to figure this out. I am not contacting her anymore. That will help!
  8. I tried very hard to work on it. I was facing a lawsuit that would have cost me $500,000 had I lost. Thankfully, I did not. I developed severe anxiety at times. 2 panic attacks that sent me to the hospital. It was a lot to handle in my personal life. She understood I was going through a hard time. Sometimes having beers on the golf course and dinner helped to ease the pain. Nothing bad ever happened, ever, she just did not like it. We talked about all kinds of things in counseling. To be honest, we both thought our counselor was not the best. Looking back, we needed to have more heart to heart discussions and not rely on someone else. That was always my “job” in the relationship. I could always sense when something was wrong. I would always try and get her to talk to me. She would, but I just think she kept way more inside then I was aware of.
  9. She is not seeing anyone else. I talked to her best friend.
  10. Just frustrations. My business basically collapsed because of Covid. That was difficult. I also got into a lawsuit. Which was difficult. It fueled some of my excess drinking the last 6 months, but that is all over now. Lawsuit done. Business is back up and running. I lost 20 lbs since the breakup. I am back to being healthy and fit. The drinking has basically stopped. I have tried to tell her that these issues are gone. Covid was a fluke. She also worked from home for 6-9 months alone. Mortgage broker. She worked long hours. She was very frustrated and at times I would come over and she would be crying because of the stress. Covid was hard on everyone. I should add, she did tell she she still loves me a few weeks ago. Things like that give me hope. This is very hard.
  11. I am 38. She is 35. We dated for 3.5 years. We had a wonderful relationship. I was ready to marry her after 18 months. I know sometimes she felt the same way, but other times she would tell me she was not sure and she thought something was wrong with her. I would always tell her “If you never get to the same place as me, that is OK, I just want you to be happy”. After 3 years, that really started to make me feel insecure about the relationship. I can see that now after a few months apart. Last 5 months of our relationship she wanted to attend pre-marital counseling. We went to 3 sessions and that was it. She called me 2 months ago and said “I do not see a future with you”. I was heartbroken. We have had several emotional talks since then, but largely no contact. Her friends all called me and said they were rooting for us. Several of her close friends have always told me she has a hard time opening up. She is very independent and her relationship with god is #1. I will admit during the past 6 months of our relationship I spent too much time golfing, fishing, drinking with my buddies. That was a frustration for her. She had some alcohol problems in her family growing up. It scares her. She said that was not the reason for the breakup it was only a frustration. The core reason, she just could never see a future. She said she battled it for a long time. I never knew. She kept that inside. She also said “this little voice in my head told me I needed to move forward alone.” Very hard to hear. So, here is what she has told me since the breakup. Initially she wanted me to keep her apartment key and wine glasses and other stuff, but I brought them over anyways. It gave me an excuse to go see her so we could talk a few weeks after the breakup. She tells me: - The breakup is the best thing for us right now. - She is not throwing in the towel we just need to spend some time apart. - I have no idea what the future holds. - Right now I do not see myself coming back to this relationship. Breaking up was the right thing to do. - You need time to heal and that I need to respect her decision. Since then, she has been SO COLD to me. Hardly ever responds to my text messages. I have only reached out 4 times in 2 months. She has given me reasons to think that she is holding the door open, right? Has anyone gone through this? I thought we were going to spend our lives together. Heartbroken 💔
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